Sunday, February 28, 2016


Tomorrow is February 29th, also known as Sadie Hawkin's day.   If I'm not at my desk or somewhat unavailable, you might find me chasing down the love of my life and asking for his hand in marriage!  {{{And no, Bestest Eventing Buddy, we are not talking about Chandler Bing!}}}

Da Boyz - Da lufs of my life!

It is also another day wedged between the days that changed my life.  You see, I still mourn the loss of my beautiful, yet wild, lil' pinto pony.  It will be one year on Thursday, March 3rd and I can still tear up and want to bawl at having to make the decision to mercifully end her life.  (For those of you new to the blog, here's the link)

I felt so powerful on her!

I also want to scream at my still tearful self to "Stop!  Get Over It!   Move on! Enough already!"  (And, I'm sure some of you want to do the same... ;) 

Sugar was just a horse.  And, all living beings must leave the earth.  Sugar was just a horse... 

Yes, she was that and she was also a friend and a dream.

A loving gift from a FRIEND
Facebook is an amazing tool - a place to connect, a vehicle to cheer folks on and a wonderful place to share experiences, pictures and life.  I've been loving the Memories app.  Every morning it shares memories of things done and posted that day in Facebook years past.  It is also reminding me of all the life and adventures we shared over eight FB years.

Grief eases over time and I believe that one day, Sugar will be just my "last" horse.  I will smile with deep warmth when those memories come again but there will be more memories and pictures of Maisy and I doing the things we love so much.  Yet, I want to cling to the memory of her twitching spotted nose and the gentle soul she was when greeted by children and fearful adults.

During chemo at our first show
 Ok, some of you might point to all those past writings of me trying to conceal my inner alpha mare as I watched that beautiful white bottom galloping away at the 13th or 14th obstacle on a 16 fence cross country course.  And, you may want to remind me that this beautiful being would lure me into believing that today was the day we'd break 30 after an amazing dressage warmup and then manage to spook and spin periodically throughout the Novice B test.  

That nose!
And, there are some of you who might want to tell me that Maisy is absolutely an awesome horse.  And then remind me that she is green but game with lovely gaits and a willing, non-spooky nature.  While you're talking, you note that she whinnies eagerly when she hears me say Hi as I enter the barn.  Get over it, you whisper...  Sugar was just a horse.

And, I will ask you to understand, truly understand, that my love for Sugar and the occasions of sadness for my loss does not limit my ability to love and nurture again.  Time heals the loss yet, love is infinite.  Don't ask anyone to rush the process, it will come!  And, try not to judge for yourself how long it should take.  It will come...

I love Sugar and yes, I love Maisy.  And, what the heck, let's add Da Boyz in that overflowing bucket of love.  It is there and you know what?  All you folks...  Facebook, Blog Buddies and Readers...  you are with me in that bucket of love and, I thank you!


Hannah said...

I don't think you have to forget or stop missing or get over Sugar. I think your relationship with her was in some ways complicated, and I think it is wise to love what you have now and move forward as best you can, just as when something goes awry mid-course and the next fence still has to be jumped (and it can be a wonderful jump). But these things are not mutually exclusive; you are allowed to enjoy Maisy and the rest of your life and also at the same time miss your friend.

Take care.

Sherm's Mum said...

If we could just "get over" them, we wouldn't be worthy of them in the first place.

Amy said...

I LOVE what Sherm's Mum said! And Hannah's as well. I'm going to keep those comments in my mental storage box. I struggle with missing my Sugar and learning to love Indy, and what Hannah said makes beautiful sense. We are allowed to love both, and to mourn one while enjoying the other. It's tough at times, though. Just because our Sugars were special doesn't mean Maisy and Indy are less special, they're just special in a different way.

Suzanne said...

So wise and so true... Thanks!

Suzanne said...

That is such a beautiful way of thinking... Thanks

Suzanne said...

Sending you and Indy our love! Two Sugars and now... His and Her Greyness's! We are still two lucky Jersey Girls!

eventer79 said...

Just wanted to share another <3 -- and no one we love is "just" anything, except maybe just loved. I don't get a chance to respond much, but I think of you often & always learn from your thoughtfulness & wisdom.