Tuesday, April 28, 2015


Used with permission
A wise woman once told me that IF you view life as a destination - a place to get to, things to accomplish, results to be made - you will always find yourself in a position of failure.  That to live life as a journey allowing every step you take to be just another path towards a life that is well lived, you can only succeed.    

And in not so distant a past, a "professional friend" asked me to think hard and try to remember a time where change resulted in something terrible.  I immediately thought about leaving a secure position to take a job with a crazy, bullying boss and then, remembered that it led me to a new and better job that provided me with the means and the people that helped make my dream of owning my own horse come true.

Shopping for a new partner has been an amazing, wonderful, tearful, exciting, disappointing and interesting experience.  And, I think I may have a new friend, pending the Pre Purchase Exam (PPE).

And that, my friends, has filled me with angst.  She (wasn't it supposed to be a boy?) is a pretty gray (but wasn't I supposed to get ugly and bay?) who has hunted first flight in VA(wait, wasn't it supposed to be an event horse?).  I can not stop wondering if I'm making a mistake...  the "What ifs" are killing me. 

And then, I hear the Wise Woman...  "This is just another step forward in your journey, just another path to take" and I am comforted.  And, when the "What ifs" rise again, the "professional friend" whispers in my ear, "When has change done you wrong?"  I am comforted.

My Eventing Trainer said that I am still living with the memory of Sugar and putting everything in her shadow.  I knew her so well that even with some histronics, I had the confidence built from a long term relationship.

If this new lil' girl passes the PPE, I will have a lovely friend, with good gaits, an awesome jump who can gallop in her home field without leaping in the air.  I wonder and smile.  I guess my "professional friend" is right... Change is just another part of life's journey.

Shhhhh... I still miss that kissable nose!

Thursday, April 9, 2015


Two of us barn peeps lost our partners this winter and together, we've tried to define this relationship whose loss causes so much pain.  And yet, neither of us would give up a second of what we had to avoid the feelings it's absence causes.
Red Hills 2015

They are not just horses and I would be the first to say that to label them as pets is demeaning.  They are so much more than that...

I used to say that Sugar and I were married.  Like an old married couple, sometimes we took each other for granted and sometimes we argued about little things (like spooking in the same corner for every ride, spinning me off at hay bales or, I'm sure, sharing her treats with Da Boys).  And, like an old married couple we knew what made each other happy, content and for the most part, enjoyed the same things.

The Perfect Pony (really a pony)
This barn peep struggled to describe her relationship with her lil' red pony.  She could not find the words to match her feelings.  He was her friend, someone she could snuggle with, tell her stories to, enjoy a good workout with and afterwards, just quietly be together.

They are not just horses.

I am now deeply in the search for a new Partner.  And, when I write emails, describe what I want, I can't say...  Looking for a new horse.  You see, I don't want a new horse.  I want a Partner and a friend.

When I write ages 5-8 (up to 10 ok), it's not because I think a 12 year old is too old.  No, older horses have a lot to offer and some, exactly what I need in a new partner.  I write ages 5-8 because I want a long term working relationship.  I think I want to marry again.

Sug and her Twenty Something Friend
And if I ride your sales horse and I break down and cry, know it's because I am both thrilled that I can feel good about getting another Partner/Friend at the same time I grieve the one I lost.  And, if I end up buying your sales horse, know that he/she will have a life second to none.

And Sugar, when I talk about what I'm looking for and what I don't want and your name comes up...  Remember, you were loved, cared for and adored no matter what. 

Even when I was cursing you as you galloped away, laughed at being DFL one more time or hugging you for the best ride ever, you were what you were and I loved you for it.