|May our dreams come true!|
Maisy and I completed our very first Horse Trial together this Sunday. Ok, it was a schooling show and I entered Advanced Elementary (2'3") but it was the first time in 2 years for me. That is a big deal... a very big deal!
There may be a day in the future where I tell you that I greeted the day with lightness of heart and eagerness of mind and body. But, it wasn't this day. My morning's coping skill was tearfully asking the Barn Owner why I was doing this and what was the point of putting myself through such agony. Yet, I still kept moving forward with the many tasks needed to just show up.
Hey, can I tell you something? Maisy is not Sugar. Wow! Our dressage warmup was... boring. Well, it was workman-like and flowing but without the airs-above-ground Grand Prix movements performed by a displeased Mariah Carey wannabee.
When I finished my test, the Happy Young Professional asked me what it felt like to focus on straightness, the quality of the gaits and the accuracy of the test rather than containing or managing explosions. WOW!
Shhhh, don't tell anyone...
As I walked cross country, I missed Sugar. I wanted to be riding her over this course and not Maisy. You see, despite all of our missteps, I knew what was under me. Whatever version of Sugar that showed up, I knew I could handle it. Maisy? I was going into the great unknown.
|The HYP riding Maisy's version of the Head of the Lake|
"Dear god (not a prayer), it was only 2'3"! Get over yourself!"
My pre-show pep talk was all about telling my Horse Peeps (and anyone who'd listen to me) that the worse thing that was going to happen was that I would be mad that I trotted everything. I know that Maisy can trot a 4' wall.
I could feel the enthusiasm drain from my body as the anxiety flowed in. Rescue Remedy and EFT (tapping) did not seem to be helping. Anxiety, for me, feels like body weakness and the more anxious I am, the more physically weak I feel.
Help me stay present!
Did I mention that Maisy is not Sugar? I have never ridden a horse who just jumps whatever is in front of her without spooking either at something around the course, near the jump or over the jump. She is enthusiastic and sometimes charges the stadium course... but... Wait! She jumps! Everything!
So proud of this!
BUT, I. CAN. NOT. WAIT. FOR. 2017!!!!! That kind of wishing... is the good kind of wishing.
Rest in Peace my beloved Sugar, loving you for all you were will never change. Now it's Maisy's turn!