OH TO BE 13 AGAIN - GMHA HORSE TRIALS

I really don't think any of us want to be thirteen again...  you know, that awkward, hormonal stage of your life where your desires overwhelm, emotions consume and everything feels so serious...  Does he like me?  Oh no, he is soo cute and I think he likes me!  Is that a pimple? Oh my god, my life is ruined!  {{{Squirrel!}}}}

What "fun" looks like - not!

What do you do when it happens at a show?  You know...  a day where your desire overwhelms, emotions consume and everything is so serious...  I for one, thought... hmmm I have spent alot of time, money and resources at working on "curing" my anxiety and for what? Waterworks! 

SHORT STORY - tied for fifth after dressage with a 34.8 ("Nice horse"), tied for fourth after stadium jumping and second place after cross country finishing on my dressage score.  But what is an event if all you're left with are numbers?

I was ok with the RF at Town Hill and still feeling fabulous about our performance up to fence 13.  Then someone at the barn said, simply, after hearing my story, "Well, you know what the definition of insanity is, right?  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results..." 



Photo used with permission
www.connecticutphoto.com
Calm, yet determined at
Town Hill Horse Trials

That statement, like termites on wet wood, began to eat at me until all I had left was the image of Sug spinning me off and galloping away.  I was defeated... done.  To do any more eventing on Sugar was insane and I had to retire her from the sport.  And, when I could afford two horses, go back to competing.

 I told my Bestest Eventing Buddy (and anyone else that I saw) that I "reserved the right" to not do any of the jumping phases if I felt it was going to be hard.  I was resolved and sad - Sugar and I as a team were retiring.

At GMHA, I decided to at least do dressage.  Here, Sugar was so soft and rideable in the warm up until she envoked her inner Mariah Carey by leaping and spinning into an amazing diva fit at the canter.  I got angry and wanted to do battle but I heard my trainer's voice to "bring her to a walk, get her brain back and then go back to the canter". 

It worked until another MC explosion and we did the equine equivalent of trying to figure out what Ms Sugar wanted...  "Excuse me Ms Carey, shall we ask the cute bay mare to move away? Or shall we sing your praises and scratch your wither?  "Doth the gray gelding with the big gaits disturb you?  Please, what is it that you want Madame?"  The rest of the warmup was geared to soothing the savage beast.

She was surprisingly rideable for the test.... nothing brilliant but enough 6's and 7's to be in the mid thirties.  I'll take it!

Stadium was at 4:18 and my mindset was detiorating.  "I will do this last SJ round and we are done! I will not do XC tomorrow.  This is it!  She is retired from eventing after this."   I walked the course twice and watched about 15 rides.  I was good to go and ready for the final round. 

What? A new ring and course?

One of the "funniest" things to watch is the faces of folks in the warm up when we find out that they switched rings on us and changed the course.  It was like a dam broke or someone kicked up a hornets nest...  the frenzy built and we all were rushing the ring like a fire broke out behind us.

Here is where I want to tell you that all the work I'm doing really paid off and that this little change was handled in stride and I stepped up to the plate like a pro.  Sigh...  not my story...  I crashed and burned like the 13 year old who just found out that he really didn't like her... 

I lost it!  I quit on the spot!  This was too much for my brain to handle!  "I am done!  I can not do this!  I am done!"  Tears, apologies to my trainer, more tears, gulping air, more tears and more apologies to my trainer.  "I can't handle this."

Apparently, I was just the third or fourth adult rider of hers that day with a breakdown.  So, with skill and I'm sure practice, she got me into the ring.  She told me that I could quit, no one would think me strange but why don't I act like she was teaching me a lesson and just do the course without walking it.  Just go in and ride Sugar like I did at Town Hill.  I sniffled, wiped my nose on my coat and gulped, "OK, but I'm not going XC tomorrow."

On our way home... Fence 13

I rode my spooky horse over jumps neither of us got to preview and we went clean.  The commentary was interesting - no cursing but alot of "Suuuuu gerrrrrrr, you will jump this!"  "Sugar, jump!" I am proud to say that I did not utter one curse word.

"Ok, I will ride Cross Country tomorrow but I reserve the right to retire her on course if she gives me one problem." 

Quick thing about the XC Course Walk with the Eventing Trainer...  At one point, I asked her which line to take coming out of the woods to fence 4 - this one which is slightly off set but I can do a bending line or this one which is very narrow that has me straight...  NEITHER, get out of the woods and ride it this way.  Her words of advice, "Don't do anything fancy...  just get straight at the jump and jump it." 

What?  Me, Quirky?

So over the weekend, Mariah Carey (aka Sugar) fell in love with her stall mate and traveling companion - The Fat One.  Her 13 year old experience was a hook up in the trailer and her parent keeping her away from illicit encounters.  He screamed his love for her as I warmed up and for every cry from his lips, she bounded upward in an exasperated attempt to return to their weekend hideaway.

5-4-3-2-1 HAVE A GREAT RIDE.  And as if a starting gate clanged open, Sugar was in a race to get back to TFO.  She wanted to spook but I kept riding her evenly and with energetic leg and she jumped.  This horse was on FIRE!  And as long as I stayed in the middle and "encouraged" her to go over the jump, she jumped.

You know, we both love a good gallop so I didn't nag or fight her most of the way.  Yet, twice I had to trot her to get some measure of attention...  going at Training speed is fine at Novice but at BN - not so much! And at one point, we blew by a tight turn.  I stopped her turned her around like a lady and cantered politely over jump.   

I did make one apology to the jump judge at fence 6 for screaming "SUGAR - JUST JUMP THE JUMP!".  This violation of The Four Rules of Eventing (Don't scare the spectators!) was about volume (thank god)!



Wooo hooo! Stayed in the tack
 all the way to the barn

And as I approached the final jump, I remembered a comment my Eventing Trainer said on our Course Walk...  "Keep the eye on the prize!"  And that statement carried us over the final jump.

And although I reserve the right to scratch my final event of the season and retire Sugar from eventing, we are scheduled to compete at UNH Fall Horse Trials in two weeks...  I just hope I age a bit more... maybe 26 is a good age - smart, cocky and unafraid...  hmmmm!

GRRRR GONE WILD!

Sometimes you just gotta break some rules...  you know... get a little bad, make a little madness and just let go!  Yeah, that feels real nice and a little naughty...  Unfortunately, as a Master (old) Rider, the only rules I'm breaking (and way too often) are Judy Rossi's Four Rules of Eventing:

Four Rules of Eventing

1. Leave together and come back together
2. Don't scare the spectators
3. No crying in Eventing (unless its with sheer joy in the moment)
4. Nobody cares on Monday

Course Walks at Sunset...  a bonus for Eventers!

The only rule I did not break at Town Hill Horse Trials this weekend is #3.  I did not cry and I believe after I had a moment of cursing as I watched the white buttocks galloping away, I laughed.  We were having a most awesome XC run... galloping in stride, a horse jumping up and under me and a lightness of heart and the thrill of the moment...  until that second when I over-reacted and Ms Sugar reacted in kind and thus broke Rules #2 and then Rule #1.  And I will be telling this story again on Monday (#4).

Sometimes a trainer is just a trainer - "Do this, more hind leg, do that again and (my personal favorite) Well, I wouldn't have done it THAT way!" - tuning you up to perform well, maybe even better than expected.   And other times... their words are sheer genius...  At Town Hill, my Eventing Trainer did not tell me to "get after her", "growl at her", "get a little mad", "be mad"...  no, this time she quietly said, "Ride her calmly and tactfully!  Let her know you mean business but be calm, be tactful and pat her if she seems to be ramping up.  Be determined, calm and tactful!"

Hmmm, do you think she was trying to make a point?

Bestest Eventing Buddy at PT

Sug had the agitation of a mare in high heat.  I had her brain but it seemed to be perched on the edge of a Mariah Carey diva fit.  She warmed up like a lady for dressage with just an occasional leap.  Calmly and tactfully using walk trot transitions to keep her brain and engage her body.  Canter leg yields loosened her up where I actually felt a supple back and neck.  Then we moved to the second warm up area between the two dressage rings and wah lah, like magic, Mariah Carey showed up.  And, the challenge was to make it to the arena without an explosion. 

Our dressage test was much like my college grades...  A's and F's with little in between.   I do think we impressed the judge with tempe changes on the right lead canter circle.  We got a 5 for the movement (generous) but I think she gave me the extra point for clean changes on a 20 meter circle.  35.4 - 10th place - "Tactful ride on difficult tense horse."  Middle of the Pack - Yay us! 

On to the jumping phases!  The progress I'm making on my nerves (panic attacks/anxiety) is steady.  I'm no where near cured and still scream in my head before the jumping phases.  I'm just getting better slowly.  I've learned to meditate and clear my brain of demons as often as possible... slowly.  The work I'm doing on my anxiety has everything to do with "being in the moment" and breathing with deep yoga breathes... soothing me, allowing life to fill my lungs and relaxing my horse. 

Town Hill is a fabulous event which upped the anty this year.  Tremaine Cooper redid the XC track and it was a great improvement on an already fine venue.  The course was gallopy, used the undulation of the Connecticut hills and added some great questions (not for horses new at this level).  Stadium Jumping is always challenging here but Sug and I seem to like it because we always go clean.  This year's had some fascinating turns that made it look fun.

Our Stadium Jumping was the best ever!  We were calm.  I rode tactfully, tight in the tack with a strong lower leg.  I allowed her to jump after making it clear (calmly) that nothing would jump out and bite her.  And she did in the most hunterly fashion... in rhythm with a good jump.  I was elated - Double Clear!  Then off to XC.

(I have witnesses...)

Our XC run was amazing... for the first time in a long time, we galloped at jumps and jumped them in stride.  Nothing seemed to bother us...  not the white house with the green top (#3), not the big brush jump, not even the ditch four strides to the gray house (#7 & #8).  My trainer felt that I was a little tough with my seat at the feeder combination (#10a and b).  My line through the water took us in the path of a Training house and I knew if I had asked she would have taken it.  She galloped through that water and then two strides up and over the roll top.

This is the buttocks
Picture it riderless! ;)

Fence 13 is a bench filled with hay bales.  Now, if you read this blog you might know that Sug and I have "hay bale issues".  Many an E has been at hay bale filled jumps - not all - but many.  I was determined to JUMP THAT JUMP!  When Sugar picked her head up, 7 strides away, in a spook like motion, I spanked her (hard?) on her shoulder.  And, my athletic-one-tempe-changes-can-canter-in-place-and-leap-into-the-air lil' pinto pony did a 180, spinning her Master (old) Rider off onto the ground just three jumps from the finish.

The poor jump judge...  After she asked me if I was ok, she said somewhat still startled, "You guys looked great through the water.  I never saw anything spin so fast!"  Thus violating #2 - Don't scare the spectators.

It was not a tactful correction followed up by a supporting leg.  It was an over-reaction to a perceived threat that, I believe, actually proved to Sugar that something will jump out and bite her.  Yes, she was over dramatic...  I think if I had followed the day's advice, "Be determined! Ride calmly and tactifully!" at worse we would have had a refusal but maybe we would have jumped the jump.  Who knows!

Those ears, like that, are telling a story!

Best line of the day...  Sug took off like her butt was on fire.  (God, she is beautiful galloping riderless!)  And after being caught, they asked my Bestest Eventing Buddy if she wanted the vet to look at her...  Stonefaced and innocent she replied, "Why?  Does she want to euthanize her?"  Gotta love Eventers!

Next time...  maybe we won't need the GRRRRR, maybe we should use the grrrrr instead!  I'm still smiling...  it was a good weekend that might have been great!  I'll smile knowing that it was good and be ok with that!

DEAR BIG NAME TRAINER (BNT):

Dear BNT Clinician,

You've taken quite a few hits in the press for your views on "unprepared" lower level riders.   And yes, George Morris, is a BNT whose meticulous preparation, attention to detail and cutting remarks are well known in the hunter world.  And, it must be hard to teach middle-aged wannabees that work full time and ride seriously... for "pleasure". 

Yet, it takes a special person to do a special thing for special riders in a place of unknown worth.  I watched you this weekend at our Hunt Club's "Intro to Cross Country Riding" clinic and was absolutely wowed as you revealed the gifts of your experience.

They came to you with hope from all sorts of backrounds, riding an assortment of horses and, you welcomed them all! 

That first group of riders were enthusiastic and green.  I couldn't help but notice that one of the riders was tense... well, actually a little shaky.  Her eyes revealed a look I know all too well...  I could hear her brain screaming, "Why did I sign up for this?"  When asked about her nerves, she told me that this was the first clinic she's ever done and was worried that the BNT would think her unworthy, that she didn't belong or worse, would humiliate her middle-aged efforts to jump.  {{{Oh my, I guess I'm not alone!}}}


But you didn't do that...  you said to her, "We all go to clinics to learn new things and not to do what we've already done."   Your confidence in her unknown ability soothed her and she smiled, then later accomplished far more than she thought was possible.

At one point, you turned to me and said, "I will run late.  I can not rush and I will do what each needs to have done...  Let the next group know!"

Your patience is amazing.  When the Hunter/Jumper rider lost herself in her fear of XC jumps and left the group in tears, you welcomed her back during a short break and gave her a private lesson until she too left with a smile on her face and joy in her heart.

Cosmos = Happy!
Good Clinic = Happier!

Ah, that last group - the experienced group?  We all sat mesmerized at how you pulled them all together and used every bit of space and every jump available and gave them a KICKA** lesson!  And as the photographer (and co organizer), I get to look at those pictures and say...  OMG, did they really do that?

So BNT, you give all BNTs a good name.  You donated your time to our fundraiser and you gave each willing rider a 3*** experience.    And you did it with kindness, with gentle humor and just enough challenge that made each and everyone feel like a rock star.

You, BNT, are worth your weight in gold!  And we thank you!

EVENTING GODS MUST BE CRAZY!

Have you ever had one of those days where you wonder...  What are the Eventing Gods trying to tell me?   What do these signs mean?  Getting ready for Stoneleigh Burnham Horse Trials was WAY TOO HARD and I must scratch!

Not me riding but a recent pic
used with permission www.flatlandsfoto.com

Well that was my Friday... knee deep in work on my day off but playing it cool... As long as this project is done by 3 I'll have 3 hours before my pre-show jumping lesson to clean tack and prepare the horse trailer...  I was cool and collected 'cause I was planning on an easy prep.

And then it began to unravel... truck tire had a big construction spike embedded deeply in the tread.  It was 5 o'clock on a Friday, where would I get a replacement?  And will I have time to do a pre-show jump school (the first I've had in two weeks) with my Dressage Trainer (former eventer)?  And when will I have time to clean tack, whiten the very muddy, manure stained horse, braid, pack the trailer and not be exhausted?

Should I scratch or go?  What is the message here?  I AM NOT READY! 

Then Sug's Twenty Something Friend responded to my frantic text by reminding me to search out the truth in the story!  OK, if they can get the truck on the road and I can get a jumping lesson in, then I'll go even if her tack is filthy.  Then Sug's Red Headed Friend texted me to say that she would help me get ready to even out her caffeine buzz. 

Friends helped make it happen

And so...  GAME ON!

I wish I could tell you that all the work I've done made this show a piece of cake and that I rode like a pure pro - confident and powerful with just the nervousness of a competitor.  Yeah... that is not my story.  My story is of the demons that showed up, threatened to swallow any ounce of grrrrr I had and wanted to make the day their own. 

One of the key lessons was remembering to breathe... big, full yoga breaths every time anxiety released the demons and I calmed.  Focus on one thing, keep it simple and then move to the next.  Find the truth in the story and delete everything that isn't useful!

Dressage was the most relaxed test we've ever had.  She was obedient, agreeable and had only one hint of a spook.  I focused on those yoga breaths and imagined breathing through the tension.  It was not a brilliant test  but it made me happy - 32.9.

The warm up for Stadium Jumping was not spectacular...  I wondered, is Sugar sound?  Is she ok?  I feel awkward in the saddle?  Is something wrong?  God bless my Eventing Trainer!  We crashed through an oxer... obliterated the jump.  I wanted to focus on the that that we never did that before and of course something was wrong.  She said, calmly focused, "now do that again, this time less frantic and let her feel open and free (use the jump strap/keep hands low)."

As I waited my turn, she said to me, "Have fun!  You know, Sugar really is fun to jump!  Enjoy that with her!  Stay focused, jump one jump at a time and tell her to jump for you... and breathe!"  And, I tapped her as we approached the dreaded gate (jump 1) and breathed in rhythm to her stride.  (Note, I was not having a heart or asthma attack, I was breathing... just breathing!)   It was a very nice round.

Ahhhh...  cross country...  Did I mention that the last time I went Cross Country was in September 2012.   We left the box, Sugar breathing fire...  jumping every jump and spooking at everything else!  At one galloping lane I felt like we were skiing - swish, swish from side to side - leaping over the shadows into the dark woods. 

Used with permission www.flatlandsfoto.com

For the first time in almost a year, I felt free!  And I felt like Sugar and I were a team again!  I kept my hands low and used my body to "slow" her (although my body hurts in places that may make that statement a lie, just sayin!).

The very last jump almost did me in.  You see, she lost her right front shoe before fence 7 and began jumping hard to the left... (she generally fades to the right)...  When we got to the last fence, it appeared that she was going to spook and spin (story), I began to jump for her (oops)...  she hesitated and then jumped...  I righted myself (thanks Saddletite) and we galloped through the finish line.

My Lil' Pinto Pony saved me!  And I did not quit on her!  We ended up in third place!  You know, that ribbon is nice. I will not lie but completing with a smile on my face and loving my horse was worth more than any piece of polyester ever...  EVER!




This song came on the radio as I drove the last few miles towards the Horse Trial... listen to the lyrics!  So many helped get me there...  and words can not express my gratitude!  Thanks!

YOU SAY VACATION, I SAY SHOWCATION!

Eventing rule # 4 -" Nobody cares on Monday!" 

Two of us sit together in an air conditioned kitchen with stories to tell... My friend and coworker just returned from a four star retreat in Cabo San Lucas.  She and her husband enjoyed freshly prepared meals on their veranda overlooking the Gulf of California.  She rested, caught up with her reading list and enjoyed evening swims after healing massages.  She looked lightly tanned, well groomed, rested and ready for the weeks ahead. 

Water jumps are wonderful!

She turned to me and asked, "What are you doing for vacations this year?"  My skin is darkened not with a sunkissed glow but from an angry sun and the body is slow, it's movement a gift from the coffee gods and Advil.  Ahhh, the Showcation!  How does one explain to a Earthling the beauty and allure of a Showcation? 

Do I grab her interest as I tell her about the Motel 8 just a mile off of  Interstate 89, or would she be captured by the essence of the Days Inn nestled next to Thai take-out.    You know, maybe she would be impressed by the "Motel" off of the Taconic Parkway where we could hear the Deliverance theme song twanging in our head as the night clerk puffed her cigarette behind the No Smoking sign and croaked, "Cash only. Oh, you want two beds and not the king?" {{{Cough, Cough... haaaaaccccckkkkk}}} 

 

Water jumps contain Walrus!

The FOOD!  That's it!  I can tell her about the Food!  Each summer I become an expert on the well prepared (or is that well done?) burger (or insert meat here).  Some of you in Area 1 are getting dreamy right now as you think about those burgers ... some served with cheese, some with peppers and onions and some without cheese. 

Oh, I know occasionally we get surprised with a fancy dancy bit of vegetables or a wrap...  no Resort will ever be able to capture that flavor after finishing a XC run! 

No one but a horse girl (and most likely an Eventer) will ever understand the beauty and fun of a Showcation.  I just got back from the University of New Hampshire's Summer Horse Trials.  It was as hot as a summer vacation in Cancun.   Stabling was quiet since folks truck in for the one-day show.  We greet old friends and make new ones...  Someone always has something you need and you always have something to share...  Friends, comrades in just a few short hours... we are one!

The beauty abounds!

The early evening cross country course walk was beautiful in all its show finery and glistening in the setting sun.  This is the night where dreams are possibilities and the future is ours.  And the dogs roamed free and splashed in the coolness of the water jump.

 

And on the day of the Horse Trial, I am with 200 of my closest friends as we live the life of Eventers... graceful dressage, accurate Stadium Jumping and brave XC.  We all know why we can not let go of the thrill even when sometimes it disappoints - we are never alone!

Ok, I do want to go to Cabo San Lucas and have a beautifully built pool boy gently stroking a fan over my body to keep me feeling refreshed.   Yeah, I want that but if I have to choose, give me a Showcation any day!  

 

Showcation pics are good too!

FIRST WORLD

It's all First World Problems...  Everytime I feel like beating my chest and screaming...  "Oh, woe is me!", I remember...  these are luxury problems.   That's all!  Rich girl issues...

I just wish they could talk.  Wouldn't that be awesome if our horses could just tell us what is going on and then, make some intelligent decisions based on how they feel?  Wouldn't that just be fabulous?  It is the uncertainty that makes me whine and sigh...

Sugar is NQR... NOT QUITE RIGHT...  She feels like two separate horses...  the one in front - normal but, the one behind...  awful.  I wanted to say that she won't move laterally, but that isn't quite it.  She can't move laterally.  Yesterday she felt like she would fall over and today, she tried and hopped.  She tried... 

So, we scratched UNH Summer Horse Trials.   I was ready but Sugar was unable...

My Dressage Trainer said something that broke my heart...  just a little.  "Sugar is so stoic that, I think she probably functions more often than not in some level of pain and when she presents like this, it is her only way of saying...  STOP!  It really hurts!"

Then she added, "Maybe, one of the reasons she spooks is because she hurts."

She paused.  I looked at her and then we both said, "Nah!"

Taking a few moments to ponder everything - the vet exam on Monday, the cost, the money to treat all sorts of catastropic problems, the end of our career together, the poor house...  I thought back to what I learned from my Stressless Riding Intensive:

• These thoughts are just stories... what is real is that Sugar is NQR and I scratched UNH.  That's it...  nothing more, nothing less...

But I can still SIGH... can't I?  {{{{SIGH}}}}

LOTS OF LEARNIN'!

There is so much to say and too many stories to tell...  I lose the thought as I rush from thing to thing and throw myself into work.  Just another day in the life of an Amatuer Master (old) Rider.  One can not complain about work for it gives life ($) and allows my family to rest comfortably all day, eating and drinking well, with all work provides.

Tiny jumps, great position

Sugar has completed two events with her young 20-Something Friend.  It's been a great pleasure to watch the two of them compete - Sugar with all of her beauty, power and grace and her 20-Something Friend as beautiful a rider as the mare, solid in her seat and hands, and lightening fast with the whip to catch an errant spook. 

It was confirmed again, that Ms Sug is not an easy ride.  After leaving the dressage arena at Groton House Farm, I asked our Friend whether she still loved her.  She replied, "Well, I will always love her, but right now, I don't like her."   That was a great improvement over my Event Trainer's comment after the last time she competed her ("Sometimes, I hate your horse.")

She may not be an easy ride but she is a talented, athletic and OBEDIENT mare.

Used with permission www.flatlandsfoto.com

•  Learnin' lesson 1 - As the two of them galloped along... Stay focused and if she seems spooky, tell her that she must jump and reassure her that nothing scary or bad will happen to her. 
• Learnin' lesson 2 - Sometimes that discussion is with a touch of the spur or a tap of the whip.  She really does try hard to please.  It's just that she can't help herself.
• Learnin' lesson 3 - Darn, those jumps look tiny
• Learnin' lesson 4 - Sometimes a tree is just a tree.

This week I compete her at UNH Horse Trials.  I take all of the lessons learned this past month - my intensive Stressless Riding Clinic, watching Sug's 20-Something Friend ride her well and a little something-something that I have yet to share (not drugs, silly).

Riding the spook

Still working too much and I hope I can find the balance to tell more stories...  but I am strangely excited about it all...  Let the games begin one more time!