WHEN DID CAN'T BECOME A REALITY?

Destiny has much to do with the direction we take, the attitude we assume and the desire to be accomplished.  A wise woman once told me, "Believe in something, see it as reality and it will come true."  If you put all of this together... success is just a lil' bit o'work.  Simple...  So, simple!   

The beautiful hills of Scarlet Hill Farm 

Although, I believe that I made the right decision at King Oak to withdraw after dressage, it was the wrong decision for my attitude.  You see, somehow, somewhere...  the word CAN'T has become my reality.  And, if that word is strongly swirling around in my psyche, then the harsh reality is that...  "I CAN'T" so why even try...

I am officially in a funk...  this isn't the funk of a body injured but of a mind that refuses to be controlled.  The word CAN'T strengthens with every sigh...

Yesterday was the traditional "XC Schooling Day Before Groton House Farm Horse Trials"...  Oh, It isn't really an official tradition but it happens every year at the same time even if it appears spontaneous.  And, it has that same feel - tension, excitement and joy preparing for a big Event.  


For me, I could've cried the whole time if it wasn't such a beautiful day filled with wonderful riders on a beautiful farm.  You see, I wasn't mounted, wasn't getting ready for GHF and wasn't sure I could ever do this again... happy, joyous and free.


It's been one year since I hit the tree at Groton House Farm Horse Trials...  It been a year and one week since I planned my move up to Training...  And, today I'm still lost... wondering how to make a come back.

Two weeks before GHF 6/11

Folks have been amazingly supportive and for that I'm grateful.  Working with my Professional Friend doing PTSD work has been great, yet I believe we've reached the end of helpfulness when the PF makes riding rather than brain suggestions.

My Bestest Eventing Buddy suggested that I stop being so honest since the result of such honesty has been strong, consistent and sometimes forceful suggestions that I sell Sugar and get something easier to ride.  And, Sugar isn't an easy ride... She is wonderfully complex... "quirky" said one clinician.

Yet for 3 years... three seasons, we rocked the jumping phases.  We may have been an Angry Mare in the warmup, spooked at everything in the dressage arena... but, that moment when I came off the XC course ... that moment crossing the finish line was worth every penny, every second, every struggle...  it was sheer heaven.

I had that for three years.... And, its just a little lost right now.

This blog is about a path...  Today I hear the word "CAN'T" and I chose not to accept it but to be honest about where I am today.  Maybe some of you have felt the same way... Maybe you have triumphed over the broken mind...  And, maybe, just maybe my honest and my path offers you something helpful...

So, unless I win the lottery, Sugar is mine.  You may want me with an easy ride, you may want me to sell her.  You may even think that I'm foolish for loving a horse over ease and safety.  (Trust me, I do love Sugar AND if I truly thought I was in danger, she would be gone... in a heart beat.)

Searching for the Can...

Whatever you think, right now...  I ask one thing and one thing only.  Believe in me.  Believe in Sugar and I as a team.  Support me and just as I must do for myself, remove the term CAN'T from your vocabulary.

Attitude is the great fortune teller.  If I believe I CAN'T, that will become my reality...  TODAY, I can.  And TOMORROW, I will.

  

EMBRACING THE BALANCE BEAM

Ah, that late afternoon large iced Dunkin slides effortlessly down my throat...  it's bittersweet taste and the cold rush reminds me that I am truly enjoying the nectar of the gods.  The caffeine is as intoxicating as its flavor...  it's going to be a long night and I hope for energy and stamina rather than shades of anxiety.

Work, work, work...  pays the bills, keeps my family in food and good health.  Sometimes when I leave the house and Da Boys look longingly through the bars of their crates, I remind them that "I work so you can play".  And then I remind myself when I can't ride Sugar for the third straight day that "Guilt is a wasted emotion."

I must confess, I have relapsed into Workaholism and somehow, misplaced the Balance Beam that keeps me happy and well.  And in the spirit of confession, Da Boys' and Sugar's needs are well taken care of...  Jonah and Chandler head off to their daily doggy play group and Sug's been dabbling with a young 20 something - the Redheaded Girl (RG). 

Ah, Balance...  A successful project could mean some release of financial burden and yet, holding off doing things one loves until the moment in time when it's done seems to be counter productive.  Yet, sometimes you have to do just that to find the freedom to return.  It's been two weeks of long hours and just one of short-tempered whining. 

Tonight, I'll ride my princess.  Tonight, I'll pet my puppies.  And, tonight, I'll have just one more cuppa joe...  Tomorrow, I'll look in my closet for that old balance beam...

ODE TO INSTANT GRATIFICATION - LUF ONLINE SCORING!

It is a quiet Sunday morning and church bells ring their melodious tunes... calling worshipers to come in and sit with God.  My hands are wrinkled and my dishes are clean.  The laundry is humming happily in the washer below.  I type... waiting for the Prelim scores to be posted while you wait in the start box ready to go!

I did not enter this weekend so I live vicariously through you.  And your barn friends are just as excited about your entry, your progress through the weekend and ultimately your success.  We build  your "story" based on what Evententries or Startbox Scoring reveals:

• Dressage 34.5 and in second place?  Great start, horse needed more jump in the canter and spooky but showed up and performed well.
• Stadium - double clear?  Just wait until today's Cross Country run... separates the pack... and of course, its your best phase.
• XC - today we wait... would there be time faults, clear runs, one or two difficult questions?  Let's hope for every horse and rider pair to "LEAVE TOGETHER AND COME HOME TOGETHER" (Eventing Rule #1)

Tell us!  Please tell us!

Today we dream and talk amongst ourselves...  Tomorrow, when you come to the barn, trust us...  We want to hear about it all!  You see Eventers and your Barn Peeps really do care on Monday.  Eventing Rule #4 only applies to work folk and family members....

Ride like you stole 'em!