Sunday, January 5, 2014


Was it Sug's Christmas vacation where she was "owned" by a 15 year old Teen? Was it me watching her jumping video where it looked easy and the two of them so free?  Maybe it was the two months of no jumping at all, unless it was in a hunt field?  Maybe it was just that night?  Or perhaps, maybe... something really did click in my brain and the neurons for anxiety weren't firing leaving the fun ones electric?  Maybe...  just maybe!

Used with Permission
Our first jumping lesson since our "interesting" conclusion to the eventing season was FANTASTIC!  Sugar came into the indoor all fired up - her body too stiff, her neck rigid but her gaits were air bound and her canter coming from her hind end and up. 

Yeah, when I noted how great she felt, the Eventing Trainer chided me not to accept half the horse and to continue to ask for suppleness.  And, no great surprise, her body should be as supple jumping as it is in dressage.  Yet, her excitement was intoxicating (Sugar's not the Eventing Trainer). 

There is a fine line between excitement and anxiety and between electric and unrideable  We rocked that line on the side of excitement and electric.  When we landed after a jump, Sug leaped and bounded.  I did not punish her exuberance but channeled it...  She was not being bossy or rude and I wanted to evoke the energy of that Teen jumping for the fun of it.

Used with permission
The jumps were not huge and we did have to remove some of the "scary" components.  This ride was about beginnings and there would be time to challenge us with "scary".  Yet, the height of the jumps were promising...  we are getting there.

I did not whine...  I did not provide my dear, patient Eventing Trainer a list of reasons and conditions to how the lesson should go...  I promised myself to trust that she knew what I needed far more than I know what I need.  (OK, there was one tiny moment of "panic" at the very beginning but I stopped myself and smiled internally and said...  "Trust her!")

And for the first time in a long time, when asked if I wanted to do more, I said yes.  I wanted to get a straight line after the gymnastic and balance around the turn (I believe we did a bit of careening) and then finish the course with a straight line after the vertical (rather than let Sugar finish the ride trying to avoid the ground pole).  I wanted to...  do you hear that?  I wanted to...  And that is a gift!

So what was the reason?  I think about it and then really, I don't really care.  If you live in the moment, ride the horse that shows up...  the past, the reasons why don't matter...  And that, folks, is where I hope to live in this year of 2014!


Karen Burch said...

Awesome. Sometimes all it takes to set ourselves free is to let go of the fear that is holding us back.

"You can't be careful on a skateboard, Mister."
from It, by Stephen King.

Amanda said...

Way to go!

Seema Sonnad said...


T Myers said...

Great news!