Thursday, April 9, 2015


Two of us barn peeps lost our partners this winter and together, we've tried to define this relationship whose loss causes so much pain.  And yet, neither of us would give up a second of what we had to avoid the feelings it's absence causes.
Red Hills 2015

They are not just horses and I would be the first to say that to label them as pets is demeaning.  They are so much more than that...

I used to say that Sugar and I were married.  Like an old married couple, sometimes we took each other for granted and sometimes we argued about little things (like spooking in the same corner for every ride, spinning me off at hay bales or, I'm sure, sharing her treats with Da Boys).  And, like an old married couple we knew what made each other happy, content and for the most part, enjoyed the same things.

The Perfect Pony (really a pony)
This barn peep struggled to describe her relationship with her lil' red pony.  She could not find the words to match her feelings.  He was her friend, someone she could snuggle with, tell her stories to, enjoy a good workout with and afterwards, just quietly be together.

They are not just horses.

I am now deeply in the search for a new Partner.  And, when I write emails, describe what I want, I can't say...  Looking for a new horse.  You see, I don't want a new horse.  I want a Partner and a friend.

When I write ages 5-8 (up to 10 ok), it's not because I think a 12 year old is too old.  No, older horses have a lot to offer and some, exactly what I need in a new partner.  I write ages 5-8 because I want a long term working relationship.  I think I want to marry again.

Sug and her Twenty Something Friend
And if I ride your sales horse and I break down and cry, know it's because I am both thrilled that I can feel good about getting another Partner/Friend at the same time I grieve the one I lost.  And, if I end up buying your sales horse, know that he/she will have a life second to none.

And Sugar, when I talk about what I'm looking for and what I don't want and your name comes up...  Remember, you were loved, cared for and adored no matter what. 

Even when I was cursing you as you galloped away, laughed at being DFL one more time or hugging you for the best ride ever, you were what you were and I loved you for it.


SprinklerBandit said...

Hugs. Hang in there.

Karen Burch said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of Sugar and thank you for putting into words the intangible sense of connection we share with our Companions.

Sarah said...

A wise horsewoman told me after my first horse died that my future horses should have some element that reminds me of my first horse. I hated the advice at the time - I thought it implied that my first horse could be replaced in even a small way. But it was some of the best advice I've ever gotten. My horses since Bo have had little features which which honor him and bring me joy.

Kelly said...

You brought tears to my eyes once again...I believe you don't truly know that feeling until you have love and lost an equine partner. Wishing you all the best in your quest for another!

eventer79 said...

(hug) But hey, we could have a competition for how many times our beloved partners, who endearingly galloped away & left us to the tigers, kept us humble in my personal niche of the DFL!