HEALTHY NAILS AND TEETH

As a therapist, my sister was taught to look at a patient's nails and teeth during their first consultation.  Healthy, well balanced folks generally have good oral health and clean, neat fingernails.  Self care IS a sign of good mental health.

Maisy looking quite healthy with the Happy Young Professional

Maisy's feet are well manicured and her shoes cost a mere $250 every 5-6 weeks.  Her dentist declared her teeth healthy, well cared for and in very good shape.  A chiropractor adjusts her working body and I love to groom her grey coat until it radiates a silvery shine.

Maisy is very healthy and well balanced from a Licensed Mental Health Provider's perspective.

If measured by the same criteria, I am not!

Oh, I score high in the oral health scale.  I thank genetics, regular brushing and fluoride treated water from my youth for that.  My nails?  Um, not so much!

 Did I mention I work in an office?

I was driving Ms Maisy (yes, I was) and happened to look down at my hands and... gasped.  My nail beds are cracked and dry and my nails are brittle and chipped.  I have become the dog/horse version of a Cat Lady.

What is it about us horse girls that focus so intently on the health of our partners and yet, can not seem to find the time to prioritize our health as critically?

Let's see how that really looks:

• Best shoes and regular manicures - Maisy 
• Anxiety reducing holistic supplements - Maisy
• Body work designed to improve performance and reduce stress - Maisy
•  Regular breaks from work to reduce stress - Maisy
• A varied work schedule to keep life interesting - Maisy
• Good dental care - Maisy and me

Hmmm, good dental care... that's it?  Ok, maybe I get better food choices.

Chandler won't take care of me...

Maybe I'm a little jealous that Maisy has a person dedicated to making sure that she receives the best care and provides the right atmosphere to help her feel good and perform at her best.  Maybe I am a little jealous...  Maybe I am.

And, sometimes when I look down on broken nails and dry cracked cuticles, I remember that Maisy's person is ME!   Maybe I should hire ME to take care of me just as well as I take care of Her Greyness....

HMMMMMM... what would that look like?

LIVING IN TIME

Used with permission

"Suzanne is returning to her lil' pinto pony and Da Boys filled with life... And, maybe looking for a hug! Thanks Kripalu!" Facebook status - March 1, 2015 2:05pm

"Suzanne is still feeling the love and making plans... A girl's gotta smile and have an adventure in the wings... Let's do that thang!" Facebook status - March 1, 2015 9:09pm

Two Facebook statuses... I just returned from a yoga and meditation retreat, one I do every time I'm either going through or preparing for a life event.  I was waiting for the written confirmation of a job offer I had verbally accepted, just two weeks away from Area 1's Opening Day and I was heading to  to a fabulous Showcation to be with family, play with my snowbird friends and cheer on riders tackling big jumps in central Florida.

Da Boyz keeping life real!

It was the highest of highs.  That weekend and that day.  It was the highest of highs.

Forty-eight hours later, Sugar would be euthanized and I would read an email telling me that the job offer was being rescinded due to a corporate restructuring.  It wasn't the best day.  Actually, it was kind of an awful day.

So, this post is about living.

A Wise Man (also a pretty decent plumber) told me that "you have to have some distance to understand the "why" in life.  You see, as a plumber when I lay a pipe, I have to step way back away from that pipe to see if its straight.  And, when I give it some space, there is an understanding on what I need to do next.  And that comes from having the distance."

Sometimes, you just have to have faith and believe that everything will be ok.  And, then allow the love of good friends (and maybe a cuddly hound and an eager, helpful Lab) carry you when the ache feels so raw that you can not believe you won't hurt any more.

The Kissable Nose

There is this energy that we all possess and, I think its called hope or maybe, dreams.  It is an energy that is always there even if it's a flicker easily pushed around by fear.  It grows strong when you reach out to friends and you accept the loving energy surrounding you.  It is within you.  And, you gotta look, really look, for the goodness in a life that seems in holding pattern. 

And then time passes, friends are still fabulous and they still listen to my stories.  (Heck, eventers will tell you the same story of an event that happened three years ago and we all still listen.)  And, the good ones don't judge.

One year later you're still cuddling with the hound and the lab is still raiding your laundry to bring you dirty socks.  And, one year later, you're kind of bitching about your long commute to the wonderful, even better, job that you started in January. 

Looking forward to the summer

And, one year later, you groomed your fancy, sweet and spook free grey pony dreaming of the summer's events and, yet whining just a little bit because your ride wasn't as light, as round or as easy as the one you had last week.


"Suzanne is is focusing on the feel of a clean horse, the smell of rich alfalfa hay and the nicker of a happy horse... 'cause the ride was... um... sigh..."  Facebook status- February 29, 2016 9:31pm

And, you smile...  one year later... Life is different and it is soooo good!  Thanks for being there on this crazy ride called living.

COUNTING DAYS AND LIVING LIFE!

Tomorrow is February 29th, also known as Sadie Hawkin's day.   If I'm not at my desk or somewhat unavailable, you might find me chasing down the love of my life and asking for his hand in marriage!  {{{And no, Bestest Eventing Buddy, we are not talking about Chandler Bing!}}}

Da Boyz - Da lufs of my life!

It is also another day wedged between the days that changed my life.  You see, I still mourn the loss of my beautiful, yet wild, lil' pinto pony.  It will be one year on Thursday, March 3rd and I can still tear up and want to bawl at having to make the decision to mercifully end her life.  (For those of you new to the blog, here's the link)

I felt so powerful on her!

I also want to scream at my still tearful self to "Stop!  Get Over It!   Move on! Enough already!"  (And, I'm sure some of you want to do the same... ;) 

Sugar was just a horse.  And, all living beings must leave the earth.  Sugar was just a horse... 

Yes, she was that and she was also a friend and a dream.

A loving gift from a FRIEND

Facebook is an amazing tool - a place to connect, a vehicle to cheer folks on and a wonderful place to share experiences, pictures and life.  I've been loving the Memories app.  Every morning it shares memories of things done and posted that day in Facebook years past.  It is also reminding me of all the life and adventures we shared over eight FB years.

Grief eases over time and I believe that one day, Sugar will be just my "last" horse.  I will smile with deep warmth when those memories come again but there will be more memories and pictures of Maisy and I doing the things we love so much.  Yet, I want to cling to the memory of her twitching spotted nose and the gentle soul she was when greeted by children and fearful adults.

During chemo at our first show

 Ok, some of you might point to all those past writings of me trying to conceal my inner alpha mare as I watched that beautiful white bottom galloping away at the 13th or 14th obstacle on a 16 fence cross country course.  And, you may want to remind me that this beautiful being would lure me into believing that today was the day we'd break 30 after an amazing dressage warmup and then manage to spook and spin periodically throughout the Novice B test.  

That nose!

And, there are some of you who might want to tell me that Maisy is absolutely an awesome horse.  And then remind me that she is green but game with lovely gaits and a willing, non-spooky nature.  While you're talking, you note that she whinnies eagerly when she hears me say Hi as I enter the barn.  Get over it, you whisper...  Sugar was just a horse.

And, I will ask you to understand, truly understand, that my love for Sugar and the occasions of sadness for my loss does not limit my ability to love and nurture again.  Time heals the loss yet, love is infinite.  Don't ask anyone to rush the process, it will come!  And, try not to judge for yourself how long it should take.  It will come...

I love Sugar and yes, I love Maisy.  And, what the heck, let's add Da Boyz in that overflowing bucket of love.  It is there and you know what?  All you folks...  Facebook, Blog Buddies and Readers...  you are with me in that bucket of love and, I thank you!

GETTING UP, SHAKING OFF AND CONTINUING ON!

There is this quote attributed to Nelson Mandela that goes something like this; Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.  The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

Our lovely new indoor

Bravery comes in so many packages and I bet, most people can't or don't even acknowledge how many brave things they accomplish in their lifetime.  We, human folk, tend to downplay our successes and focus on our hardships and failures. And, sometimes it's easier to quit than to go on.  Oh, and quitting is not necessarily a bad thing as long as it's done consciously.

Not a good morning

Why am I so caught up with this thought of bravery?  Hmmm, is this just one of those posts were it appears to be about someone else but is cleverly disguised to tell you how awesome I am?  Is this where I tell you that I fell off Maisy while jumping and "bravely" climbed back on?  {{{Um, no!  I actually cried like a baby in a humiliating ball of anxiety/shame-filled self-derision.  But, maybe that's for another post.}}}

Read Non Judgement Day

One year ago this week, our indoor collapsed.  For non-horsey folk, it may not have been some earth shattering or devastating tragedy.  "Heck, aren't horse people rich?  Isn't some kind of First World Issue?  Surely, insurance will pay for everything.  Heck, it was just an indoor."

Ok, some of that is true.  But what was also true was that it was part of a small family farm's livelihood and all of their dreams were sitting crushed under a ton of snow and ice.  And, for those of us boarding there, it felt like a death.  We did not know what to do or what to say as we mingled numbly about.  I wrote this blog about how devastating last winter was to barn owners in Massachusetts (Non Judgement Day).  I encourage you to read it.

Still miss her

Today, I honor our Barn Owners and all the other Barn Owners that faced the unknown, got up, shook off the tons of snow, and continued on!

Think about being a business owner who just had a devastating natural disaster, your insurance company tells you that there is no compensation for your loss and your customers are looking like deer in headlights wondering what to do next. They want answers to calm their fears and, you remain strong when you just want to cry.

And, we are getting there!

Courage.  Sometimes you just do the next right thing.  It was an awful winter.  Two weeks later Sugar was euthanized after her pasture accident and, the Barn Owners showed up to support and console.  And, a week later another horse was euthanized due to a spinal tumor and they showed up to support and console.

Courage.  Choosing to obtain financing and rebuild couldn't have been an easy decision but they did the work and with the support of some brilliant boarders and friends, they made it happen.

One year and everything changes.  We have this incredibly beautiful new indoor with spectacular footing.  The barn is full again.  And we smile!

You know, fear is a part of life.  Sometimes I'm afraid that my outfit for work isn't quite right. I can deal with that bit of fear bravely.  What is courageous is not knowing the outcome, showing up anyway and doing the next right thing.  Today, I am so lucky to be a part of the Country Barn...  I honor you!

YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A NATURAL WOMAN!

"Contempt prior to examination is an intellectual vice, from which the greatest faculties of mind are not free.” William Paley in Evidences of Christianity*

Let me say one thing, up front... I hate to be wrong.  Yeah, that's right!  It is one of my vices.  You see,  although much improved, I still try to be right...  I am just less obnoxious on the "I told you so's!"  And at the risk of... um... disturbing some peace, let me ramble on.

Young Eager Teen

Let's talk Natural Horsemanship or what I like to call "Middle Aged Women Getting Ready to Ride Eventually Techniques".  I could go on and on listing my... um... not so quiet opinions of the carrot stick, the waving arms in the air, round pens, joining-up, parelli methods, etc.  Really when I see these folk "bonding" with their horses, I just want to scream...  Get on and Ride!  


Not liking it doesn't mean
stop...  Pressure
releases with acceptance

I am here to confess that I have been humbled...  really, truly humbled.  The Country Barn hosted a Ground Work Clinic (note - not designated as a Natural Horsemanship clinic - maybe I can still judge) on Sunday.  I signed up because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about and maybe get a tip or two to help get Maisy to focus (on me) without being too harsh.

I came to the first session (we were in the second) after helping a friend load her horse.  From the moment the Instructor, Susan Rainville, touched the rope halter, I was hooked.  She did not talk about magically and mystically bonding with your horse.  She didn't preach the ways horses acted in the wild and she did not ask us to buy fancy supplies to enhance our experience.


"You want me to do what?"

She said, these are the things that will both help your horse on the ground and in the saddle and that the basic movements are the lateral moves that strengthen and supple your horse.  Think of it as yoga.  And, that these practices can be done as a warm up to your regular ride and on the days that you have no time but need to work the horse.  

It was like magic!  Something simple, something that can improve my riding and Maisy's body and something that can be done easily.  Can I hear a HALLELUJAH?!!!!

The Barn's rope halter

The revelations just kept coming with each horse.  And, each horse that participated exhibited a different learning capacity.  We had the Young Eager Teen, the Sensitive Alpha Mare, the Rebellious Biker Boy, the Unruffled Cool Guy, Ms-I-Got-it, Maisy and Mr Distraction.   Every horse, every owner had a way of learning and the work was adapted for both the body and the mind. 

Maisy needed bending and suppleness (yoga) while understanding that the handler is the most important thing in the ring.  I need to learn how to coordinate the rope, whip, my hands and feet without cursing in frustration.  The Instructor demonstrated how I can help lift her front end and achieve lightness while asking for the bending that will strengthen her weak side.

When it worked, the results were amazing.  Her Greyness lifted her front end, eagerly crossed her hind legs while her attention stayed fixed on me.  I, on the other hand, struggled for that beautiful fluid motion of coordinated body parts.  Hmmm...  I think I see something here.... hmmmm!

And, so today I ordered a sweet, soft, fancy rope halter and rope.  You know, this being wrong feels so right!

WINTER WORKOUTS

“Should you find a wise critic to point out your faults, follow him as you would a guide to hidden treasure.” Buddha (really, it is a Buddha quote, no fooling!)

Once again I found myself at another, "Give-Peace-a-Chance-Breathe-Deeply-Envision-a-Perfect-Ride" sports psychology seminar focused on Anxiety in the Rider.  Yes, horse related practices once again... 

Always good to look at things again!

I signed up to support the New Barn Girl 'cause I've been to every training, every seminar, therapists, energy healers and I know how to do TFT/EFT, meditate, take rescue remedy...  I'm all set with the Anxiety issue... no need to go for me....  All set!  

 Then, at my last jumping lesson, I looked at my ever-patient Eventing Trainer and said, "Um, I guess I need the clinic for me... huh?!"  She just shook her head and said, "You really need to ask?"  Sigh...

Anxiety happens...  And, it happens to everyone...  And, it can be good if appropriately evaluated, and embraced.  It can stimulate, protect and yes, paralyze.  You just gotta figure out how to deal with it and how to make it work for you.

So, she gave us an Anxiety Scale for Training (doubt that is what she called it).  If you are always working in the 1-4 range, there is no growth/training - you are basically status quo.  Training takes place in the 5-7 range - there is stress but you (horse and human) are open and able to learn/improve.  

If you hit an 8 - 9, your body reacts and your brain begins to work on survival mode - Training/learning does not happen.  If you hit a 10, you are in survival mode and reactions are most likely instinctive.

 The goal should be to ride more often in the 5-7 range and if you hit an 8, back off - rinse and repeat.  Oh, she did say that riding in the comfort zone is fine, just be aware of it and what it is.

Looking bold but not so much!

So Ms Maisy, let me introduce you to Winter Work.  You see, my love, left to our own devices, we've been in the comfort zone rarely kicking it up to a 5.  Our Trainers have been good enough to push into the 5-7 range but, really... how often is that?  I believe that we've, kind of, settled into the riding version of a big comfy couch clutching a glass of warm milk and watching re-runs on Netflix.  

So Ms Maisy, our comfort level is set at a 7.  I promise you that we will back it down if you're stress level kicks into an 8 due to the high winds and pelting debris against the indoor wall or if all your friends leave the indoor at once.  Yes, we will push ourselves out of lethargy while being clear that our plan can be changed where appropriate.  But, Ms Maisy... think 7!

 And, maybe, the next time we jump, we've conditioned our bodies/minds to want to be at a 7 and, crossing into an 8 will be a mildly uncomfortable memory...  Wouldn't that be nice?!

FIRST DAY WANDERINGS

Holiday Bonnets are a must!

It was supposed to be a post about two horse girls romping around the state park celebrating the start of the New Year!  We had it planned out to a grand conclusion to the Holiday Season with each horse happily wearing their holiday attire... 

Alas, we got ice.  I mean we got ice, not soft cushiony snow in all its gorgeous whiteness... we got ice.  And, that gorgeous blue sky and winter sun?  Neither the Newbie Eventer or I actually ordered that day from the weather gods.  Instead, it was grey, cold with a raw moist wind.  It was not meant to be. 

I stayed in and nursed my cold while nesting just a little bit.  I'm sure Newbie Eventer braved the rawness of the day and perfected the 20 meter circle and the counter canter.  Sigh...

Here's a confession for you...  I don't do New Year's Resolutions.  Mostly, these are "things" that are announced that are the "things" one should be doing on a daily basis.  And, often, these "things" are unachievable because the "thing" is something set way too high.  I just don't believe in them. 

A Wise Woman once suggested that I should set an intention.  Something that I intended to do and intended to accomplish.  Hmmm  rather than resolve to do something, I could intend to do it.  Sounds so... well, achievable.  Like improving on a daily/weekly/monthly basis.  Set an intention... 

Well, I intend to keep improving my riding and relationship with Maisy.  And, I intend to have fun while jumping (not just afterwards).  And, of course, I intend to event this summer.  Seems easy and powerfully positive... but, not quite enough. 

The freedom gained by letting go!

You see what I really intend to do is to let go of worrying so much!  Think about a life where you aren't worried that if you don't clean your horse's feet every day, they'll abscess.  Think about how nice it will be to trust that making mistakes are a natural part of learning and that it won't ruin what has already been accomplished. 

And imagine a jumping lesson where you just be and not worried that everything will go wrong...  Imagine, if you lived a life where you could be alert and alive without the added anxiety of prevention... 

That same Wise Woman also said that in order to make a change, you had to first be aware of what needed to be changed and then accept how it manifests in your life.  Only when you've become aware and have some level of acceptance, can you take the actions needed to affect change.

I see the subtleties of my worry which is often cloaked in sound horsemanship or in good solid practices.  (Awareness)  I also know how those worries have both helped and hindered me (Acceptance).  This intention is directed at really taking action to change the way of thinking and acting...  There is a balance there and it will be my intention to find it and live in its core...


For now, as I ponder my intention.  Let me share my New Year's Eve Facebook status.  It said it all:

2015 was a year of huge changes, big decisions and heart moments... Life is to be lived and each of those things are just cobblestones on the path forward. Tonight, with a sniffling cold, I bathe myself in gratitude for the folks, critters and gifts in my life that make it so rich! Thanks to you all! And Happy New Year!!!

Wishing you all a Joyful and Worry-Free New Year!

{{{Note - not sure what I'll write about if I truly go worry-free... Oh My!}}}