LESSONS LEARNED AND LESSONS GAINED

I know you've all heard it and I know you all have answered the question time and time again.  "Why are you taking lessons?  I thought you knew how to ride!"  Yup, it is a question asked year after year and sometimes right after said lesson.  

My confession today?  Yeah, I like lessons.  No, I mean I really like lessons.  I like them with big time trainers, gifted trainers and I like my trainer who train both the Lil' Redheaded Girl and I.  I guess I could really say that I love lessons.

Today I had a goal.  It was a simple one - loosen Shanti up and improve our Up and Down transitions.  I'm sure its a goal that everyone has had at one time or an other - nothing too crazy or unachievable like riding down the hill to the outdoor.  (Maybe I'll tell that story at some point.)  I wanted good and I wanted improvement.

Left alone, the second it gets hard my demons peek out just a little - no name calling but acting like a passive aggressive "friend" who might enthusiastically tell you before a first date or some special event "that they love that dress but is turquoise really a good color".  And adding, "I mean you can pull it off like no one else."

Maybe they mean to be encouraging but just don't know how to do it well.  Or maybe they are being guided by the great demon, Perfectionism.  Maybe they are pushing success like the sport crazy parent that sees the Olympics in mind*.  They just keep a nagging monotone hoping that it triggers success.

Well, it does trigger something and it often isn't very nice.  And, since the only thing one can control (and poorly at that) is oneself, Shanti gets the "GOOD GIRL's"  and I get the, "Am I ruining what is good?  Am I really helping or am I hurting her back?  God I suck at this!  Oh come on, just give it up...  I am doing everything I can...  I ride like crap."

My love of a good lesson (which is actually the lesson itself), is about someone who can guide me, talk over the demon Perfectionism and encourage goodness and development without the negative judgement.  And, it's not about praise (although that is nice), its really more like marriage counseling - balancing out what is real, acknowledging the development and helping guide us to be better together.

So I love a good lesson which is a lesson itself.   I continue to ride on my own whilst wanting help with the balance not of the body but of the head.  Shhh, I have goals and they be lofty ones...