|Another night at the gym!|
Well, this post is not about that kind of Rush. It's about the kind of rush that keeps one from feeling the other kind of rush, that kind of rush that makes one feel full of life and eager to do it all again.
New job, long commute, going back to school, homework... You see, I add to my life, pushing all the bits around and squeezing all this newness in while juggling to keep all the wonderful old things going strong. It works for the most part because all the "free-time" is pushed aside to allow for all the newness to become old. One might use the term Coping to define what is this juggling act called life has become.
Her Greyness is coming along nicely. I am finally getting decent 20 meter circles at a canter and more frequently she can be asked to move between compressed (note no mention of collection) and lengthening with losing balance. I smile more than sigh in frustration at my lack of skill working with a green horse.
Da Boyz are happy and are enjoying their short but active runs before dawn. They are healthy, well fed and loved. I smile and cuddle in moments of peace.
Moments squeezed between the rush of life and the rush of new things. More moments are spent rushing to be sure that everything gets done and all is well in everyone's life.
Did they get enough exercise? Is there a stiffness in her hind end? Did I loosen her body up enough? Did Da Boyz get enough mental stimulation? When should I fit in ear cleaning and clipping toes? Squeezing moments to make it all ok.
It occurred to me that maybe I need to add a bit of a pause between the rush of life. What would that feel like? What if I treasured the moment as if there will be no moments after that one? What if this moment was the best moment ever? Would I even know?
Last night, while rushing into the barn to change into my riding clothes, thinking about what to have for dinner, wondering what I should wear to work tomorrow and hoping that the dogs had a late afternoon romp with the dog walker, I paused.
I breathed in the scent of a clean barn and sweet hay. I paused and listened to the rustling of happy horses munching hay. I paused and heard Her Greyness whinny for her person...
And, I smiled, time to enjoy my life. Coping is just not good enough!
*Tara Brach - Sacred Pause