What I didn't confess last week, in my Mystic wrap up, was my extreme disappointment at our dismal dressage performance and our error-free 54 score. I left that ring at the lowest of lows - mad at Sugar, doubting my abilities as a dressage rider and thinking that I should retire as an eventer and fox hunt instead.
Energetically, I was a brewing thundercloud - dark, gloomy, swirling with thoughts ... I smiled but it felt like an act. "This is the part in the play where we smile and accept our ride because today is not our day.". Truthfully, it wasn't felt deeply in my heart. We, no I, should be better... I must get better.... I can not keep doing this! That muddy energy just got deeper on the slow walk back to stabling...
The folks in stabling were selfish and snappish - taking up space, ordering friends and family around and complaining. No one seemed friendly, open or helpful. I blamed it on the location - surely a reflection of where the competitors came from...
As I started to take off my coat and boots, it hit me. My negativity was being reflected back at me. It wasn't them. It was me! If I didn't change my reality, I would ruin a beautiful day surrounded by two friends, fun eventing peeps, the Convict and my personal Diva (Sug's evil twin Saccharine).
At that moment, when I realized that my doom and gloom disappointment and my high expectations
affected my view of the world, I had a choice. As I meditated in the Port-o-Pot, the chance to change my perspective unveiled. The world got better, the air cooler, the people sweeter/happier and life was good again! Mystic became an adventure and I had fun... Lots of fun!
This post is all about that cranky, unhappy person you see everyday. That friend who never seems to get a break, who has another twist of bad luck, who suffers another setback. This is about them (and sometimes me).
When I feel like that person, I know I control my perspective. And to be happy, I do what I can to change it. So my dressage scores are... um... less than stellar. So what?