Sunday, August 21, 2011

A HAPPY HEART

Used with pernission
http://www.yokinaphotos.com/
Sometimes this blog writes itself...  an idea, thought, emotion twirls around in my head and I MUST write it down.  Those are the best...  writing...  hot and fresh (or am I thinking of Sugar...  hmmm).  And while I'm thinking about it...  I write these thoughts not for self-promotion... maybe I do it because you can't...  Maybe, just maybe...  you can relate!

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
Winston Churchill

I jumped today.  That in itself is not post worthy.  What is?  I wanted to quit.  It wasn't necessarily the pain from the injury and the disappointment of the season that never was.  It was truly the loss of innocence.  The belief that when you leave the farm, you come back home (Eventing Rule #1 - Leave together and come back together.)  That even though "No one cares on Monday" (Eventing Rule #4), you get to tell your story to the disinterested on Monday.

I wanted to quit!  I didn't want to take any chances.  I wanted to keep our little world safe and secure.  And yet, that thought was choking me.  I could not quit and I could not get started.  And my pain was of the emotional kind... and no amount of Advil was going to take it away...

Getting started was about admitting to someone that I was scared to get back into the game and then asking for help.  And I got it.  Did I mention that I jumped today!  Did I mention that my heart is so happy that I feel it bursting (or is that my healing ribs calling for more Advil?).

Sugar and I have more crappy dressage scores than I want to admit.  Oh, we are both quite capable of rocking the test, yet, through a whole plethora of issues, we manage to disappoint.  So, success for us can not be measured in ribbons.  For me?  Today we rode Rolex.  Just today, we rode Rolex clean...  Because today, I wanted to quit and showed up anyway!

Watch out Area 1... We're Back!

video

Sugar expressing a Happy Heart
(or just expressing her ability to threaten
the Lil' G-Pirate)

7 comments:

KC said...

Bravo, Suzanne! We all feel the way you do sometimes, and yup, you had a clear round at Rolex. Looking forward to chatting with you via phone this evening! KC :)

Katie Murphy Eventing said...

Congrats and well done! I think we have all tackled our own personal form of Rolex - Hooray for you! So excited to see you out and about next season!

eventer79 said...

Awesome! And we have the same dressage issues -- we could be fantastic, but all those stupid little things....

You should be very proud. Some people never face their fear head on; I think it is a telling trait.

SprinklerBandit said...

Nothing like coming back. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

I am going through the exact same thing right now...scary fall, wanting to quit, the whole mess...your blog is keeping me looking forward! Thanks!

Becca said...

Good for you Suzanne!!!! :-)

jane said...

Well said. So many of us AAs have been there. Glad you jumped today!