Sunday, April 8, 2012


Mr Floppy looking woeful
In December, it started with tears of desperation and embarrassment...  what became of what we were?  Have we lost everything?  When will it be what it once was?  Then you take a million steps back, swallow whatever pride you have left and beg your ego to be part of the solution instead of the stick used to cause pain.

Two stride Novice height
There is voice in your head, so close to the surface just SCREAMING at you to QUIT!  Nothing is worth this anxiety, fear and self-imposed humiliation.  You can hear the whisper...  "You like dressage... and it feels good when the power is collected and the body springs forward...  yeah, you like dressage...  why don't you forget about this thing called eventing and just do dressage?"

And you stick with it because somewhere in your screaming head you know that there is nothing like eventing... the freedom and thrill of a great cross country run.  So, you find the right help while the Snowbirds enjoy the sunshiny warmth and the pleasures of Florida.
Boxes.. to the barrels

The Professional Friend who works on your PTSD  brings you closer to peace.  The City Barn Instructor and her sturdy, students just jumping school ponies, through spooks, missed striding and all sorts of mayhem, as if the courses were a part of the World Equestrian Games.  They scream for more jumps, more height and their enthusiasm builds into yours.

Dreaded barrels
Jumpin on Dunkin'
Today at my Jumping Intensive...  the barrels loomed in front of us and for one moment, I could hear the screaming and it wasn't my inner B A Honeybadger.  Then, the sweet advice filtered through... getting clearer and clearer...  "Power into that jump as if you mean it!" "Power!  Power! Power!"  And my lil' Pinto Pony, dropped her energy into her hind end and we were lifted up... and over as if the very earth carried us fluidly and strongly.

And for those of you who may not know...  Barrels are not a Sugar favorite and subsequently not my own. Yet today, the barrels are a symbol of the beauty of perseverance... cause today, I can truly say...  We're gonna be ok!!!  Really, truly OK!  And that has me smiling!  Broadly smiling!

Happy Easter!  Happy Spring!  Let the rejoicing continue!


Anonymous said...

Congratulations, indeed! As you know, I know what you mean.

Amanda said...

Super Sweet! Perfect for Easter and Congrats!

The Fullers said...

Awesome! Keep smiling :)

Amy said...

Hallelujah!! And there was much rejoicing (I like to think of my style of rejoicing as similar to Snoopy's dancing on Peanuts.)

We can't always be Honey Badgers. So what? We're not honey badgers. Sometime Honey Badger works, sometimes no. Sometimes you just have to take inspiration from where it comes. Now that you have been successful over the barrels, you can tell yourself, the next time you face a bogey fence, I did those darn barrels, I can do this. I HAVE DONE THIS.

Maybe you could also think of the barrels as kegs, which will be yours upon successful completion of the course. There! Made you smile. Now you will always look at barrels and think "Kegs" and smile, and you will be fine.


SprinklerBandit said...

Excellent! I'm so happy for you, particularly because it gives me hope for myself. :-)

Suzanne said...

One thing I've learned by blogging and reading your blogs... I am not alone in this quest! Thanks for your support. And Amy... you rock! The barrels have been demons for along time. My trainer, once told me at a competition to (and I will quote).... "Just shut-up about the barrels and jump them!" I'm still happy!

KC said...

Congrats!! So happy you're pushing past this, stride by stride and jump by jump. Can't wait to cheer you on this season!

Kristine said...

That second paragraph really hit me, and I have read it a few times now. Those are exactly my own thoughts that you put down on paper. I hear the same screaming, and actually started to listen to it. I even just put my jumping saddle up for sale. I am glad I found your blog, as I think I can identify with you, and maybe you will even give me some inspiration and get me to give eventing another chance.

Katie Murphy Eventing said...

Woo hoo Suzanne! Jump those barrels into submission!