Thursday, March 12, 2015

BETWEEN THOSE EARS

Best view of GMHA ever!
I am a discombobulated mess.  My heart aches and I have moments of tears, some depression wrapped around numbness.  Yet, I feel totally at peace even when missing her most.  The thought came - the weekend is coming and I'm not sure what to do with all this free time...  it's confusing.  See, I am discombobulated... 

Then, my peeps - Best Eventing Buddy, New Barn Girl, Red Headed Girl, Sugar's Twenty Something Friend, Dressage and Eventing Trainers (and so many Eventing and FB friends) - tell stories about my lil' pinto pony that fill my heart and really make me laugh.  Sometimes the laughter is so hard and the stories so raucous that I feel guilt and throw in, "I really loved her!"

Adventures with Friends
Folks have been amazingly kind and supportive.  And for that I am extremely grateful...  And even that doesn't convey the depth of my gratitude.  It fills my heart with warmth.  Thank you!

I will miss looking through those ears.  I will miss thinking...  I should pull her unruly mane.  I will miss the adventures we had, the folks we met together and all the things I planned to do this year with her.

Those big mare ears - ever alert to danger (mostly percieved) and so eager to pose.  It was always funny to pull her off the trailer and see the recognition in her eyes.  At a show, check!  Hounds? Ok, hunting, check!  Who is my trailermate today?  Must be going to a hunter pace, going to gallop or just a romp with a friend.  God, I will miss looking between those ears!

My favorite - trail riding with
Da Boys
Will you get a new horse?  (Actually those that know me just ask when will I get a new horse.) 

Yes.  I am that spouse married for 50 years, devastated by the loss of the love of my life and then happily remarries 3 months later.  We were no less in love but cannot live without that special bond between horse and human.  Life would be so bleak without this world...

Into the morning sunrise
I am lucky.  What I had with Sugar was as special as she was.  I was not left trying to debate what to do because it was clear what needed to be done.  I am in no rush.  Well, I'm not personally shopping until April.  As much as I WANT to, it's hard to move on...  I am in no rush... YET!

So, feel free to look for me.  The criteria is broad - Big, Jumps Da Jumps and not Ugly.  (The Bestest Eventing Buddy feels that beautiful doesn't work for me.)  (Shhhh, if "not Ugly" is beautiful, that would be nice!)

Finally, thank you so much for your kind and loving words.  And for you folks who really knew her and told stories, it helped keep me sane.  Thank you.  Words can not convey my gratitude even if I try. Thank you!

6 comments:

savvymom said...

So sorry for your loss :(. That sunrise pic seriously looks like it is a video moving toward the light. Really magical.

Amanda said...

Much love.

T Myers said...

*hugs*

emma said...

so glad you have great friends around to share in happy Sugar memories!

Austen Gage said...

This is a lovely tribute to your partnership. You've always made it so clear how much your relationship with Sugar meant to you.

Tracy Beavers said...

Take all the time you need. Time was just what the doctor ordered when I lost my heart horse unexpectedly.