Wednesday, March 7, 2012

WHO AM I?

A struggle for identity is just that...  a struggle.  Sometimes you put yourself in a situation and let the situation define you and sometimes you try to define the situation...  making it more like you.  And as you become aware of your definition, however sneaky that definition is, you now have the ability to mold it into what it was meant to be...

Photo used with permission
http://www.dexterpix.com/
Today the Princess/Diva and I now belong to the City Barn...  The thoughts and feelings run wild.  Happy, sad, excited, worried swirl about in my brain until finally resting and flipping about on Happy/Sad.  The New Barn Girl texted "You've broken up the Berlin Gang!" and my heart sank... tears welled up.  "I luf the NBG, the Barn Owner, the Chief Operating Officer and all the residents at FBF!  I am only 2 miles away!!!"

Who am I now?  Can I truly let go of the perfectly cleaned stall where one must pick out, ever so delicately, perfectly shaped pelleted bedding so as not to waste?  Can I still sneak over to the barn bra less and in my baggy sweats and still fit in?  (UM, if any of my family members are reading this...  I DO NOT WANT TO BE ON "What Not to Wear"! OK?)  And what of those late night discussions about Eventing and Fox Hunting with my FBF peeps?   Will they still love me just two miles away?

Time will tell...  I luf them lots...  I've had four beautiful years and one Chandler Bing as a take home "prize"...

This weekend, Sug and I were Dressage Queens at the Niall Quirk Clinic.  You know, its really, really hard to watch the fancy, dancy, butt swishing, liquid moving dressage horses thinking that when your lil' Eventer shows up, the clinician will yawn at the dullness of your gaits and the tightness of your locked bodies.  Those fancy, dancy, butt swishing ponies make my head swim in the beauty of their movement... even if one of them is young just finding its balance.

The Wee Folk and Sug
"More Adventures, Please!"
And, my little pinto pony really showed up...  This weekend we put our jumping aside and rocked the 20 meter circle.  The mark of a gifted clinician is not the person who radically changes what you're doing but gives you enough bits to take what you have and make it more...  He uses metaphors to give you a lasting image to keep the results of the ride working for you.

Ok, there is something really sexy having a man with an accent pushing you for more bend, to flex more and to go deeper bringing her body up into yours and then flowing through...  Horsey girls really get that!  And non-horsey girls...  take it for what its worth and smile! 

And he loves a girl with a big arse...  (Sug's, not mine...)  I have video proof of our two days thanks to the hardworking Don.  I get to watch and learn more each time if I promise not to get lost in Sug's fancy, dancy butt swishing movement...  Yes it did happen for us... 

This weekend, we defined ourselves as Dressage Queens... and we both liked it.

4 comments:

Niamh said...

chanting... VID-E-O, VID-E-O!!!!!

Kate said...

I wonder if you were at my barn? He was there all week teaching. Small world!

BeBe said...

Glad you had such a great clinic!

I often feel that way when I switch jobs...I miss my old co workers but have opened a new chapter in my life.

Suzanne said...

Niamh, I will update with the link to the second day. Niall was more directive but I looked better(LOL). The outfit I had on that first day was not complimentary to me... it was actually god awful. I'll keep that one to myself.

And Kate, I wasn't at your barn but I believe I met your Barn Owner/Instructor (?) who brings him to the City Barn (mine now) and then takes him home.

And Bebe... its sooo true! Just like a new job..