CHRISTMAS STORIES

It only takes one word, one look, one encounter to make a difference.  How simple is that?  If change is all about me and I truly believe that, how simple life would be...

I've been traveling and suffering a true relapse into Workaholism.  Soon I tell myself, soon I'll be able to rest, take care of myself, play with Da Boyz and ride Her Greyness.  Soon...  And, as each day passes, soon does not feel any closer but I lie to myself...  Soon, maybe this weekend... soon

The affect of that longing and that "holding off on living", is an increasing feeling of grumpiness, a slight intolerance when "things don't go my way" and a distinct lack of patience with anyone not working as hard as I.  I struggle with keeping an upbeat positive demeanor and when I fail, I isolate because I do not want my "failings' to be recorded by others.

So, in my second business trip of the week, I entered the plane noticing the crying baby, the little boy running up and down the aisle, the person with three bags (rather than the two allowed), groaned at the woman who could not lift her own overstuffed bag into the bins above.  I kept catching my anger and impatience and took steps to change my attitude but it was weak and relatively unsuccessful.  You see, I was grumpy pants and maybe, god forbid... pouty.

We landed in Detroit late.   It was snowing and 15F degrees.  I waited in the cold for 20 minutes before the hotel shuttle arrived.  I was starving and in no mood for niceties so I sat in the front seat and said nothing after thanking the driver for taking my bag.  The other passenger, a businessman, remained silent.

Our driver smiled at us, turned the radio up slightly and off we went in the dark, snowy night.  The van was silent, except for the radio tunes.  I watched the industrial complexes as we passed by and then, found myself singing (silently) Jingle Bell Rock and I smiled.  I wasn't on a sleigh and she wasn't Santa but the beautiful lights of the chemical plants, the snow falling and the Christmas carols  felt so homey and warm.

I broke the silence.  "Do you like Christmas carols or do you have to listen to them?"

"Oh are they bothering you!  I'll turn them off! I am so sorry!"

I love carols!  I was curious if she loved them or was required to play them for the season.  She told me that she loved Christmas.  She loves the lights, the color and begins to play carols on December 1.  When she is alone in the van, she sings "loud and clear for all to hear." She told me her story of car trips with her family and how singing brings her closer to all those memories.

Car Caroling is something close to my heart.  My mom and I love to sing along as we drive around South Jersey searching for Christmas.  And, I could feel my dad in that van as I remembered our Christmas car drives visiting my brothers and sisters way back when.  We shared stories and laughed.

Then, this voice from behind me, asks to be heard.  We had forgotten the tall businessman in the back seat.  He said to us both, "Can I tell you a secret?"  {OF COURSE!}  "I love Car Caroling and on the day after Thanksgiving, I'm listening to them and singing "loud and clear for all to hear!"  

LOVE!

She does not know it or may never remember that I said it to her.  That evening in Detroit, this van driver whom I never got a name, changed my dismal, grumpy self, into a human being full of love and gratitude.  And she united three strangers... Truly a beautiful soul and I am a so grateful for that encounter.

When you think your actions or words have no meaning or that your energy has no affect on others...  think about the beautiful souls who have touched your life and look for them.  Angels are everywhere in all forms.

I believe I hear a bell ringing... one is getting their wings right now!

THAT ONE THING!

It's always that one thing that "ruins" everything.  If I speak in front of a crowd and one survey card is less than complementary, I forget about all those that were positive or constructive and focus instead on that one thing...  that one thing...

That one thing

Have I mentioned yet that Maisy and I did dressage work out in the field with just the brilliance of a full moon lighting our way?  Or maybe I didn't tell you how the Happy Young Professional (HYP) and Her Grayness competed at the last Horse Trial and finished 4th?  Or perhaps I shared the story of our Hunter Pace success where I jumped da jumps and loved the gentle lady underneath me?

No I did not!

What I want to do is to go on and on about getting dumped at today's hunter pace.  It wasn't over a jump but during a lovely gallop through some amazing fields.  I believe that Maisy would prefer not to be in the lead but somewhere near or actually in the buttocks of her stablemate and lover Patrick.  That leading at a gallop means that she can not actually embed herself into his body and that perhaps, the additional insult was to allow another horse to come between two lovers.

{{{Hmmm, I believe I am going on and on...}}}

What does a mare do when not really wanting to be a leader and experiencing longing and concern over a lover?  I believe she makes a "quick" twist of her head and neck to look behind her and when discovering that he was further behind than what her love sick mind feels is safe, finish the turn in a big twist.

Fortunately for Maisy, Patrick was fine.  Unfortunately for me, I got thrown, well maybe off balanced and fell in a twisted heap of my own...  Shoulder, neck and lower back... strained muscles - no permanent damage.

Just one thing

Yeah, I want to go on and on...  Mostly because I feel depressed, defeated and just a hint of worthlessness.   Did I mention that I can barely move, had to ask a stranger to pick up the Epsom Salts for me because I couldn't bend down and get back up?  That feeling does add some cheer to a girl's day!

That one thing!

What I really need to do is to go on and on about how great galloping her feels like or how the one jump we took felt amazing even if she jumped big.  Or maybe I need to tell you how much fun it was to be with my team and enjoy riding out in amazing territory as the fall colors fade into gold and copper. 

And, maybe I need to tell you that when I fell, Maisy stopped and stood over me waiting for me to get up...  Yeah, that one thing!  She stopped and stood over me... waiting for me to stand up. 

That one thing!

DOING TIME...

Do not judge me too harshly... In the spirit of being honest (it is a confession's blog), I've had moments this week where I've been consumed with sadness.  You see, I still miss Sugar.  I emphasize the word "moments" because I am not consumed by grief but the sadness is real and deep. 

Used with permission
www.connecticutphotos.com

Maybe its more real now because I was at Town Hill Horse Trials cheering on and "grooming" for the Bestest Eventing Buddy and the Newbie Eventer.  {{{The quotes come from the BEB... she feels I chat too much to actually take the quotes out. Harrumph}}}

Town Hill Horse Trials 2014 was the year Sug and I were on fire and showed up for all three phases.  In essence, we finished our career together with a fourth place.  And, we finished in style - fast and furious with the promise of being back at Novice after 3.5 years struggling with nerves. 

I was filled with the feeling of that victory over my fear this weekend.  It was mostly exhilarating with those moments of sadness.

Time...  Damn, it takes time to build a relationship and the trust I need to feel confident.  Time...  it owns me and teases me.  I am like a three year old who hasn't had a nap...  "I want it and I want it now!"

Maisy is turning out to be kind of special (no quotes intended).  Under saddle she is a rock star... not a spook in her and she LOVES to jump, wants to go to the jump and looks for more jumps.  And, I can ride her in the dark out in a field and she is ok with that... even at the canter. 

And, she whinnies when I come into the barn and looks for me when I'm there.  If I get unseated or rattled when she over jumps, she quietly waits until I reclaim my space.  There is not a mean bone in her body.  She wants to please and I love her more each day.

Truly a good girl!

Maybe the sadness is tinged with a little guilt. Maisy is not Sugar in so many ways.  Sometimes I miss riding the Wild Thing but mostly, I know how much of my confidence issues were and are a result of riding the Wild Thing.  Maisy has the wonderful gaits, the beauty and the talent that Sug had without the drama.  And, it feels just a little guilty saying that.

I'm doing the time and we're getting to be a team and maybe soon, jumping will be just another fun thing to do rather than the event to prepare for it is now.  Maisy is like that...  And, I am glad that she came into my life.

HOW DO YOU DO IT?

Minions at work

In no uncertain terms, Sugar was a warhorse...  She had the body of an elite middle weight body builder - big, strong and muscled.  When she walked off the trailer, she owned the territory and her minions made her world safe.   And, she never once left you wondering how she felt for emotional displays were her mark.  The equine Mariah Carey!

I was so afraid (and so were others) that I would find a similar soul in my next partner/friend.  So afraid that I did not shop alone and that I carried the mantra that "He must jump da jumps and beautiful is not an absolute".   And, if I found a beautiful or handsome horse I lusted over, I must wait before making a move...  "He must jump da jumps and beautiful is not an absolute".

Best Eventing Buddy takin
Maisy for a stroll

Maisy is beautiful.  Oops!  {{{Newbie Eventer, how did that happen?}}}

Maisy is not Sugar.  And, gosh... that is so confusing!  She hacks out alone and her one spook was a quick look away from a pile of rocks (always a surpise to our southern horses).  That's it!  No prop, spin and leap... just a look and a slight move away from the "scary" pile of stone.  And, she's walked passed big construction equipment and nothing...  HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?



Trainer ride - Looking fancy!

 She is a very sensitive soul.  Oh, not in the diva fit way that was our norm but in the quiet, "I'll stand here and shake/shiver and sweat" kind of way.  I feel like she wants to do what I ask her to do but if it makes her uncomfortable, she internalizes it...  And, this sweet thing, is ulcery...

Everyone wants her to be successful, to jump da jumps and to be an event pony so the suggestions come in hard and fast...  Supplements, chiro, massage, acupuncture, new saddles... Try this, don't do that, do that... no, this, how about that? 

Welcome home!

How do you do it? How do you absorb the cost of treatment ($750 or so)? And, what if her tension requires anything more? How do you do that too?  Where do you skimp? How do you do it?  The pressure of not being rich is killing me.  {{{Note to self - win the lottery, ok?}}}  

And, then you have a moment with your new pony and her trot is amazing.  And you breathe, remembering that Sugar had ten years and we figured her out over and over again. 

Maisy, I think I'll do the same.  "All in good time", said the lil' pinto pony, "All in good time!"

NON-JUDGEMENT DAY

Before (Photo used with permission
Martha Curran)

Another indoor collapsed this morning.  All the horses got out safely after, what must have been many hours of harrowing labor and much worry for all involved.  This was one of many here in New England - Massachusetts, in particular.  We lost our indoor last Sunday and are still reeling from the ramifications.

We've gotten almost 100" of snow in less than 30 days.  And, in those 30 days, we've experienced the second coldest month on record (coldest month was in 1875).  Do you have any idea what 100" of snow looks like?  Oh we're a hardy bunch, us New Englanders but this is too much...  Another roof collapse, another barn rescue and another "Fund Account" established.

After 16 People...
(Photo used with Permission Martha Curran)

One barn quoted these numbers - 16 people, two snow blowers, two plastic shoots and over 20 hours to remove the snow.  Another barn took two days with a team of 10.  And, if you drove by any of these barns, I'm not sure you could guess the depth of that snow.  It is just that mind boggling.

When we lost our indoor, it felt like someone had died.  We all moved around the barn in stunned "silence" each of us harboring our own secret concerns and still trying to be strong for the owners.  We could always move but, for them, this was their home, their business and their dream.  What of their dream? 

Roof top at Davis Farm, Bedford MA
Photo by Lisa Samoylenka

Will these barns survive?  Can they rebuild?  What of their dreams?  What of the people they inspire to have a dream?  What will happen to them?

So, I ask you... do not judge!  Do not second guess folks' decisions...  For one moment, imagine yourself in the same position, with the same limitations either money, manpower or time...  And in that one moment, find compassion, love and leave your judgment behind. 

And for you folks here in New England...  go out and hug your barn owner.  This has been a devastating year for them even if the barns/indoors are still standing. 

In a tiny miracle, my friend's brother bumped me ahead of his other clients and removed the snow off the roof of my house.  I waited too long because of the fear of how much it would cost...  He came, cleaned off TONS of snow and ice and charged me a reasonable fee.  I am one of the lucky ones. 

74 DAYS AND COUNTING!

Morning of the Blizzard (29" total)

I have the unique ability to make myself bat-shit-crazy (BSC) at any little thing.  Years of self-help books, therapy, meditation, yoga, listening to some the of the incredible greats, gurus, psychics and some really well balanced individuals do not help when I'm in a BSC "state".   I can chant ooooohhhhhmmmm, breathe in and breathe out for ever and I can still be BSC in a heartbeat!

"Someone", a Facebook "Friend", posted that they were so excited because the Eventing Season in the great Northeast/Area 1 kicks off in just 74 days.  In one moment, I could feel the 41 inches of snow melt and hear the sweet songs of love sick birds...  ahhhhhhhhhh Spring!

And in a flash, panic clutched my brain...  "What?  74 days?  I am not ready!  There is not enough time to prepare!  How will we jump?  Where and when can we XC school?  What????!!!!  Just 74 days!  How did that happen?  OMG!  THERE IS 4 FEET OF SNOW AND ANOTHER FOOT IS COMING IN ON MONDAY!!!"

Sometimes it takes an trained expert, a specialist, to talk one off the ledge.  God bless Dressage Trainer and today's sidekick, the New Barn Girl!  There is nothing like a good, dressage-butt-kicking on an animated horse to bring the crazies down to a manageable level. 

"Let go of the left rein, flex your fingers, soften her poll, bring up her shoulders, encourage her right hind to pat the ground just a bit longer, feel her balance, feel the strength of self carriage, ask for more and now reward her by allowing her to lengthen downward...  Feel her, ask her and now pat her."

A good trainer is the best therapist.  I'm sure that trainers prefer students less emotional, more together and certainly, less BSC.  Their words and guidance ease the panic of preparation and bring the energy from that sick worry of what might be to the power of being immediately in the present.  If you're truly, in the moment, nothing else exists but what is now.  Today's now was pretty darn awesome!  Thank you Dressage Trainer!

So, it isn't 74 says but 82!  The weather is not making it easy to "get ready" but seriously, in New England, you just keep going and if you're lucky, you might get a chance to do something mid April.

Sug and I will be ok.  I will continue to have moments of true BSC when I catch myself living way too far in the future.  Right now, this minute, we are very ok!

FEELS LIKE A MILLION BUCKS

And as the lottery creeps upward and the dreams of being a billionaire dance it's the devilish dance, I sigh with a level of contentment from actually winning the dance of a devilish mare...

All sweetness

You see, as I begin to consider my next (and second) horse, I dream of a plain bay with decent gaits, a level head who just wants to "jump the jumps".  I see "him" as a handsome horse who can take a lot of bling (oh yes... you just wait and see how my inner pre-teen comes out then). 

And then the fantasy takes shape...  I saddle him up on a cold, snowy day to gallop around our field as puffs of snow billow around his strong legs.  I'm laughing at the sheer joy of two beings, together as one. 

Or feeling that moment when I get a call from the Bestest Eventing Buddy, Sugar's Twenty Something Friend or the Newbie Eventer, "let's go XC schooling and jump some jumps!" and being excited and thrilled to jump some jumps!

I'll keep her for that nose!

Yet sometimes, when my lil' pinto pony can not keep her feet on the ground as we finishing her rehab by cantering.  And, I ride her airs above the ground into something that looks like a canter, I feel like a million bucks.  Somewhere in my fantasy world, I am a cowgirl - wild and free!  I am a goddess! 

And, when I ask for that last canter transition and my lil' Mariah Carey impersonator says, "Ok... I'll do it and I'll do it well!"  I feel like a million bucks.

I just hope that when looking for said second horse, I don't fall too much in love with that kind of million bucks! 

{{{Special note of apology to the lessoner and the fellow boarder also sharing ring with the diva princess.  I promise that Saccharine has not been a frequent visitor these past few years...  Sugar will return and it will be good again!  I promise!}}}

BORED! BORED! BORED!

Fall Delights
Used with permission www.yokinasphoto.com

"Forgive me father for I have sinned.  It has been several, well, many...  (Let's not get into length of time...  Seriously, time is whatever you make of it...), days (sounds better) since my last confession."

I'm bored!  There I said it... bored, Bored, BORED!.  It has only been three weeks since Sug has been laid up/resting/rehabbing/vacationing...  whatever you call it and I am bored. 

There is a routine to our visits.  I drag out her grooming kit and go over her with a fine tooth comb using the curry and three different brushes.  Her hooves are cleaned and keratoxed.  And, then we begin the hand walking - 15 minutes around and around.  Sometimes I entertain myself and practice "going down the centerline", "lengthening across the diagonal" and a few "marching reinbacks".  I visualize the perfect gait and march towards it.

There is only so much mental entertainment that can be done as the days get shorter and our field of view are the walls of the indoor.  And, what's even worse?  I feel the green goo of Facebook envy.  You keep teasing me with your ear pics overlooking great galloping spaces or the beautiful fiery fall colors.  It's the lust for the experience that consumes me more than the envy. 

Autumn calls to me...

I want you to keep enjoying life's pleasures.  It is so good for the soul.  And, for me, I must remind myself to be patient and tolerant... 

I am bored and by the animated antics of my lil' pinto pony, I suspect she's bored too.  My tack is not yet clean, nor is the brass polished and please, don't ask me if I cleaned the closets, finished and/or put away the laundry...  I guess my boredom can not be solved through cleaning...  sigh.

We will jump again
Used with permission www.connecticutphoto.com

Some of you are probably saying...  "Seriously, just a month and you're bored?  Get over yourself!  I handwalked my horse for (insert # of months here) and didn't ride again for (insert # of months here)."

"I know! I know! I know how lucky I am.  I know!"  And, despite my overwhelming positive attitude toward her lay off, I still want to whine just a little bit!  I beg your forgiveness!

Ultimately, my boredom does not extinquish the gratitude that Sugar's injury is minor and that IF I am patient and tolerant, I will have a jumping horse in the end. 

{{{And, if we're really lucky...  I might even have one before Christmas!  Shhhhh, don't tell anyone because that would mean I'm not patient...  just sayin'!}}} 

BABIES ON DA BRAIN!

Used with permission
www.yokinaphotos.com

I love that commercial where a group of friends are out having a good time laughing over some cocktails and dancing to some tunes.  The bar is dark and the fun is just coming through the TV screen.  The scene cuts to a parking lot and you see a girl trying to put her key into the car door and keeps missing.  She's drunk.  Then a hand reaches for the keys and a narrator says firmly, "Friends don't let friends drive drunk!" 

Cut to New England where we're coming to the very end of foaling season.  I'm seeing baby pics everywhere...  Fillies running in circles around bored mothers, colts leaping and bounding in the air and always, those few little ones sprawled out in the warm sun snoozing away the days activities.

Did you know I have a mare?  A beautiful, well bred, well put together, talented and registered warmblood mare?  Did I mention that Sugar is a mare...  an open mare?  A mare that cycles regularly and is not pregnant?  Yes, Sugar is, indeed, a mare.

Friends don't let friend drive drunk...  the mare version:

Me - Sugar was long lined today.  As I watched, I couldn't help getting into how beautiful and really well put together she is.  I can't stop thinking that I should breed her.

Used with permission
www.yokinaphotos.com

Bestest Eventing Buddy - NO SUGAR BABIES!

Me - RIGHT!  But just think about it... She would have awesome babies.

Bestest Eventing Buddy - Seriously?  That's like releasing little devils upon the world.  Gremlins are adorable too... until you feed them after midnight and then, all hell breaks loose!

Me - RIGHT!   Thanks for the visual... beautiful with a screw loose!  But still... maybe?

Bestest Eventing Buddy - Sugar is like a Hollywood Star.  She's gorgeous, but clueless as to how it is in the real world.   She's snorting coke, spouting random political and religious thoughts that make no sense but people believe her because she's gorgeous!  Trust me, if she were ugly, they'd lock her up. 

Me - Right, her entourage gets sucked into her beauty... only to be disappointed again and again.  But when she looks at you, all is forgiven and you rush to do her bidding.

Designed by Bestest Eventing Buddy

Bestest Eventing Buddy - Basically, she's the equine equivalent of Angelina Jolie.  Underneath all that social consciousness, she still has a vial blood around her neck and kissing her brother.

Me - RIGHT!  NO SUGAR BABIES EVAH!!!!

Bestest Eventing Buddy - Good!  Just remember if Sugar was human, she would be a Scientologist.

Me - Wait! Would it be ok if I won the lottery?

Bestest Eventing Buddy - NO!!!!  Eventually you're going to die and someone else will get the spawn or even, the spawn's spawn.  And, we can't release that on the world.  Always remember, I do love Sugar but I believe that she is unigue and is not to be DUPLICATED!

FRIENDS DO NOT LET FRIENDS BREED THEIR MARES!

A LEGACY OF LOVE

There are people in this world who really make a difference, who help build you into who you are and guide you to what you want to be.  We are lucky to be touched by these souls and, when they are gone we honor them and keep their legacy alive by giving away what we're freely given.

I've always wanted to be known as the Best Aunt.  You know, the one who can give you things, take you on adventures, loves you for who you are and every once in a while, when you really need it, send you a little bit of money.

Mostly as the Best Aunt, I want to give memories, lasting memories that say, "You are loved for being who you are - unique in a world of many.  I love you for you!"

My Best Aunt died today and I will miss her even though it was her time - a long life well lived.   If you asked her, she would deny that her life had any special meaning.  Worse, she would have a list of what she thought were her "failings" - a gift of a very strict catholic (small case intended) upbringing.  For, in her mind, God welcomes only the perfect into heaven and leaving the sinners "suffering" in purgatory.

She was my Best Aunt.  She gave my sister and I a girlish refuge from our house of boys.  She never forgot a birthday or Christmas and never complained if we did not return the honor.  She was a feisty red head when it came to view point, particularly on some of the "untouchable" topics.  You did not want to do battle with her beliefs.  Yet, her home was always warm, open and loving.  So many memories of moments in time...

Her legacy is in her children, the love of her extended family and how she touched our souls.  She raised some awesome kids, my cousins - smart, kind, creative and as generous. And, what we do with that love is the gift we give back to her. 

I heard someone call a funeral a homecoming.  That sounds really nice.  You see, my Best Aunt was called home to God today to be surrounded by the loving arms of the family that went before her.   God does welcome the perfect into heaven... the perfectly, imperfect human.

Tonight, I will go out on the hill and talk to the stars and thank her, once again, for being my Best Aunt!  She will always have a warm spot in my heart... 

NHR WARNING - IT'S A RANT!

Tonight, a "gentleman" refused to let me merge...  He was willing to crash into my car to prevent me taking the turn off the highway.  And, then he slowed to give me the finger, his mouth twisted with rage.   It was scary...  all that hate/anger/rage justified in his mind as he gunned the car and sped away.

Puppies for peace!

Another school shooting, the 74th since Newtown in 2012 (http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/troutdale-oregon-home-latest-us).  And, didn't two people walk into a pizza parlor just last week and shoot two policeman point blank?  We ask why?  Why so many?  Why so young? 

My sister, the therapist, told me that researchers are looking into the impact that Social Media is having in teenage suicide.... that Facebook memorials to teen deaths may actually trigger others to do the same in an attempt to be memorialized.

Hate/Anger/Rage...  Have we become a nation unable to think critically, to assess fact from fiction?  Have we become so passionate about a belief that we're willing to post without researching the truth?  And, why do our beliefs have to be be encased in hate? Or violence?

More puppies

You may believe in gun rights without restriction...  good for you!  And, you may not like the current President... good for you!  You may not believe in global warming or climate change... good for you!  And you may think that illegal (or legal) immigrants are the ruin of the nation... good for you!

You're right... this is America and you have the right to free speech.  I applaud that!  And I do not judge... 

Social Media has made it so easy to promote some thought or a message.  Some of that is very good.  What is very wrong , is the level of hate/anger/violence in some of your messages and this is what I deplore.  You don't get to wish people harm...  You don't get to promote killing!   That is where I draw the line.

Think first, research and understand the context of what you promote.

Pretty please?

I blame... not guns or knives or whatever weapon...  I blame the media... be it the polarization of our news outlets, the sensationalism of our press or the randomness of the radical -  right, left, religious - social media posting.  And, you know...  we are all to blame everytime we stop questioning and passively promote violence... even if it seems funny.

Think first, research, understand the context of what you want to promote AND then, do it in a thoughtful, peaceful manner.  Promote peace not violence.  Strike out against the hate before everything else...

Sigh...  I hope my angry driver made it home safely...  I did. 

WILD THING, I THINK I LOVE YOU!

Used with permission

Have you ever done something...  just a little naughty?  Have you ever dated a bad boy or girl?  Or have you shown your High School yearbook to your nieces and nephews and saw a cryptic story or two that maybe just isn't rated PG?  Maybe, just maybe you were one of those kids that danced on the edge of goodness yet always remaining a GOOD GIRL...

Sugar will be 15 tomorrow.  When I think of that number, I am shocked at how fast time has flown by...  I am in love with a wild thing...

At some point in the "near" future, I will be looking for my next eventing horse.  And, as I window shop the ads, I have a better idea of what I want that next horse to be but my friends aren't so sure: 

"Ugly" said one Barn Peep.  "Get an ugly one because beautiful doesn't quite work out well for you!" 

Used with permission

"Better get the blessings of all your trainers, the Bestest Eventing Buddy and maybe your therapist before you do the PPE.  Knowing you, you'll buy beautiful, talented and challenging.  The next one should be easy and fun."

"Nothing but a packer."

You see, I'm in love with a wild thing and I think they know it. 

Happy Birthday Sugar!  You have been my dream come true!  Depending on the time of day and the results of our last outing, my description of you changes.  Yes, there is no denying your beauty, your athleticism, your power and grace.  You have all of that!

Honest as they come, you can't be trusted 100%... "ride every jump as if she'll stop".  And when I think I know you, you surprise me.  You've carried teenagers like an agreeable pony, taught working students decent dressage, and soared to great heights with your professional and/or talented friends.

You hate to hack but are awesome on adventures.  We doubted that you could fox hunt and you are one of the best hunt horses out there.  You particpated in a parade with marching bands in front and in back of us and looked like you were born to the job - puffed up and regal.  Yet, moving the chair in the indoor will cause a meltdown that requires great riding talent to ride through.

Happy Birthday Sugar!  When your nose peeks out of your stall door, I know that I am truly in love with a wild thing!  And, no matter how I describe you...  I wouldn't change a thing.  {{{Maybe}}}
  

ONE POST AT A TIME

For the record, I do not think I can save the world, nor do I think that the world needs saving from me and, finally not a single person reached out and asked me to be that very person assigned to make the world a better place.  Not a single one...

You see, I've been posting again...  and, I don't mean the type of posting that is rhythmically timed to a horse's trot.  In the spirit of confessions, I must say that I've been commenting on internet horse boards... 

I wish I could tell you that I was congratulating someone on their most recent win, or helping them choose a name for their new horse and I would even be ok if I answered a question on whether or not the Black County saddle fits a narrow, high withered thoroughbred.

Nope!  I was not doing that...

I guess I could redeem myself and say that it wasn't about politics, religion or sex (because those wouldn't be polite).  Then again, maybe in the horse world it was the equivalent of talking about religion?  We horse folks feel pretty passionate about our beliefs, our treatments, our feeding regiment and well, all thing horsey!

This past week I had my fill of opinions and surprisingly, they all came from me!  In no special order, my horsey opinions (we would not have enough time or space to include all the gems I release into the world):

Supplements

• Who is monitoring contraindications for all the supplements we use?  I, for one, love good marketing... heck, I bought compression shorts in my basketball playing days because I was told (and convinced) that I would jump higher and run faster wearing them.  But, compression shorts under basketball shorts might have looked cool, they did no harm to my body when combing the two.
• Are we giving our horses way too much of a good thing?  I've seen some of your Smartpaks and I wonder, why all that?
• And are injectable joint meds causing some of these sudden deaths?  One vet told me that during the season, I could give Sugar weekly injections of Adequan.  I wondered, where are the studies looking at long term usage of these drugs.

Lyme

• Don't get me started on the diagnosis and treatment of lyme without validating test results. 
• And, treatment with Doxy only works once.  If the horse still has Lyme or "gets it again", Doxy does not work.  The organism developed an immunity to Doxy when you treated it the first time.  Any positive results are due to the anti-inflammatory affects which are a Doxy bonus.
• Treating with antibiotics should be carefully and completely done. 
• There is no Lyme vaccine approved for horses at this time.  Cornell is working on one but it is not available.  Canine vaccine is not approved for horses and isn't 100% effective in dogs.

Check your sources

Should let sleeping dogs lie...

• If you're going to post stuff on the internet as law.  You know, this is true and I know it to be true.   Dear god, check your sources.  Be sure that the data you're using isn't 15 years old and is statistically invalid. 
• Post them if you can...  (I can for the above and when I have a moment, will.)

Phew...  So glad I didn't go off on a rant... 

Note to self...  just stop!  No one wants to hear your ramblings...  And, if you even read this... will you still "love" me?  ;)

RIDING DA BUS ALONE!

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

Oprah Winfrey

If you've followed this blog for any length of time, you know that I had a bad fall and then it, and a series of other falls and injuries left me confident-less riding a mare who requires a confident ride.  And, it's been "entertaining" to go through the ups and downs of rehabbing a broken brain. 

Tomorrow marks the beginning of Area 1's Eventing Season!  It is the day I drop my first entry into the mailbox and dream the dream of the mad...  And I mean - the madness of a bat-sh*t, crazy person!  I have secretly begun to plan my move-up to training in the fall as often as I've retired my vest, skull cap and colors to be a full-time DQ.  See?  Crazy, bat-sh*t, crazy!

And this season the DWSB (Double Wide Short Bus), I say with a heavy heart, will have an empty space.  The Bestest Eventing Buddy moved to new barn... far away.  (Well, too far away for me to trailer-pool with her.)  It will be the first time in 7 years that I will drop that entry into a mailbox alone. 

Folks, if you have a Bestest Eventing Buddy, you know what a gift it is to share the wild weirdness of eventing. Will I laugh as hard at achieving another level of mediocrity?  Will there be another coffee addict who understands the value of a well placed hotel near a Dunkin Donuts?  Who will eat the strawberry glazed donut chased down with a medium iced hazelnut with cream and sugar?  Is there someone out there who can keep the secrets of "Da Bus" secret?  Will they make me laugh?  And after we unpack the trailer and tuck the ponies in for the night, will that person eat inappropriate foods that live a lifetime in our bodies?

I'm sure there will be others and some as much fun but there will never be anyone like the Bestest Eventing Buddy - she was truly unique.  For this, I say thank you!  I will miss you!  I know we'll still see each other, still share experiences and for that I will cherish. 

Tomorrow, I will drop that entry into the mailbox wondering if it will be as much fun!  Let the season begin!

POSSIBILITIES ARE BOUNDLESS

A Wise Woman once asked me if I knew what the worst word in the English Dictionary was?  I blushed and tentatively started, "Not the ___".  She stopped me with a look, "No, not that word and yes, that one is pretty bad, it just isn't the worse.  The worst word in the English Dictionary is the word, BUT." 

Now, she wasn't not talking about an ample bottom or anything in relation to the nasty end of a cigarette.  She was clearly talking about a simple word that can stop a sentence dead in it's tracks and then burst forward changing what was into something very different.

Consider conversations you've had or overheard:

• You're doing a great job {{here it comes}}}, but ___________________!
• I like what you did on that project, but ___________________!
• I want to move back up to Novice, but _____________________!

That one word, "but" has the ability to change everything that proceeded it.  Think about all those times you've used that word and if you can't remember any then listen for it... see how it's used and when.

I'm at a yoga meditation retreat a Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health this weekend. The workshops seem to be designed specifically for me.  And like the horse crazy girl I am, all the lessons seem to point towards my riding, eventing and, yes...  work. 

I heard myself say, "the possibilities are boundless as long as I believe it to be true and act accordingly, {{{and, here it comes}}} but ______________! 

You see?  That little word broke the heart of all those possibilities.  It encourages one to list the reasons why it won't happen.  And then all reasons hold more power, more energy than the hope that came before that tiny word, "but".

A girls gotta eliminate the "buts" and replace  with a connector, the word "and".  And brings it together, solidifies the wish and makes it happen.  See for yourself:

The possibilities are boundless as long as I believe it to be true, act accordingly and, _______________!

I can feel the ending...  make it happen!   I wanna move up to Novice and, I'll make it happen!   2014 is gonna be a good year, indeed!

RESOLVED!

So, it's snowing outside, the temperature is dropping rapidly and is predicted to be  -11 with winds gusting to 50 mph.  Poor me, I was sent home from work early due to our Governor calling a state of emergency.  So, I ponder...

Hear ye!

You see, New Year's celebrations have come and gone.  It's January 2nd and, resolutions have been made and some have even been broken.  Inspirational sayings proliferated Facebook to get us in the mood.  Most did nothing for me but there was one quote that continues to roll around in my mind:

"TOMORROW IS THE FIRST BLANK PAGE OF A 365 PAGE BOOK.  WRITE A GOOD ONE!" Brad Paisley*

I'm not a big resolution kind of girl, mostly because I forget about them too quickly or break them too easily.  And, most of my old ones were really all self gratifying.  (Shhhh, I am all for self gratification as long as its also given freely away...  just sayin!)

 

Photo used with permission
www.flatlandsfoto.com

{{{{Oh and when I mean giving it away freely, I don't mean anything naughty...  I mean doing good things for others...  and, well being naughty isn't really bad, 'specially if you're not charging for it.)  (Oh my.... did I say all that? Must switch to decaf the next time!)}}}

 

That quote is about action...  Write your destiny and make it happen.  I like that 'cause I'm an action kind of girl who believes that my choices and how I see things define my future.  If I see myself as successful, I do things that promote success...  And all of that!

 

What I love most about winter is that everything is possible....  EVERYTHING!  And I am filled with excitement about the coming year.  As of today, no one yelled at me for not making my sales goals!  Sugar and I are having fabulous rides in and out of lessons.  And, I said to a friend on the eve of the New Year that I believed I could do Training by years end.

 

Photo used with permission
www.dexterpix.com

It wasn't spoken boldly and it wasn't done without thought.  It just came out with a positive resolve that I haven't felt since hitting the tree.  Beginner Novice in the spring, maybe hitting Area 2 to get an early start.  Novice for the Summer and, my last event at Training...  That is what was said... calmly with resolve.

 

Why now?  Maybe watching the Teen jump my "spooky" horse over and over again really helped.  Maybe some other round peg found a round hole in my brain and something clicked.  And, maybe I'm writing a new book. 

 

{{{Of course, it may just be that extra cuppa coffee I had to keep warm...  well, maybe.}}}  It's all good...  let's kick on!