Sunday, March 27, 2011


I dated a guy once who, when it was time for the "TALK", awkwardly told me that all relationships end in two ways...  marriage and/or a breakup of some sorts.   And that it was too hard for him to continue ours because he didn't want the hurt.  (Truly, he wasn't finished the deep therapy he needed.) 

My response?  If you always live in the excitement of the beginning and the tragedy of the end, you never, ever feel the wonder of the middle.  For a life lived without pain, is a life without joy, without passion, without risk....  I want it all (with not too much pain, ok God?)

My bestest Eventing Buddy just found out that the ache her horse was feeling was real and career ending.  He is the kind of horse you dream about...  LOVES cross country - galloping and jumping in-stride.  He never took a bad step and when you watched him, you saw stars.  As I watched him go, I said to our trainer, "I wish Sugar would jump like that!"  Her reply, "We all wish our horses jumped like that!"

No words can heal the pain of such a loss... a death...  of a dream.  Time heals all wounds...  and hope is the elixir.  Maybe...  just maybe...  grabbing on to that teeny piece of hope that the vets gave her.  Maybe...  some horses have proved that major diagnostic tests can lie...  maybe this is the one.

Eoin's Mirth (Owen) 5/99 - 8/17/2004
I had such a loss.  He was my first love and the horse of my dreams - Owen ( 6 year old, 16.3H Irish Sport Horse).  I invested "all" the money I had and bought him on February 24, 2004.  He had a major stifle injury that rendered his hind end unstable...  That exhuberent personality I loved so much made him a danger to himself.  And on August 17, 2004, he was euthanized and buried on my friend's farm.  I thought, at that moment, I died with him...  my dreams dumped in that same grave.

I cried for a week.  When I stopped, I longed to groom and ride him.  I wanted to give him carrots.  The hunger came back as remembered the middle of our relationship (as brief as it was)...  And, I knew that I wanted more...  No, I wanted my dream back!

Sugar was the result of knowing what I wanted in a horse.  Owen gave me that gift.  The money?  Hmm, I love to event, I'm single with no "heirs"...  ahh, a 401K loan covered her purchase.  Heck, eventing is dangerous.  I may not even need a retirement...  (Mom, just kidding!...  well kindof)

I never dreamed that life could be this good!  I never thought I could survive that tragedy!  I never thought that I could get over that hurt and love again.  I am not alone.   Everyone has a story like this... maybe it isn't about your dream horse, but in each of us...  we have lost and found again. 

Truly, when one door closes, if you're willing to look...  Another is wide open.  Walk through it and believe again!


Becky/Rebecca said...

All I can say is...

Amen, sister!

MARGIE said...

One of my closest friends just lost her horse of 21 years. Right now she is barely going on. When I told her time heals, it sounded so hollow. I know that time heals, but damn, it's a tough go until it begins. Thanks for these wonderful, thoughtful posts.