The first fall after that last bad fall (you know the one... the one that really hurts, that lays you up for awhile, the one that makes you feel lost and vulnerable or the one that kind of scares you... yeah, that one) is a relief.
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| Where we actually had little fear... Photo used with permission http://www.flatlandsfoto.com/ |
Yeah, you look normal (maybe a tad more verbal than others) and you appear to be doing normal things... Healed... fully and completely healed you say to the world. I'm back on track and ready to go... Yup...
But, lurking around in the deep corners of your mind is something different - not quite right. You can't force yourself to be better! A wise horsewoman told me, "you don't ever have to get over anything... you just keep putting one foot forward and one day... like forgetting to take Advil... it fades to nothing and without fanfare, you're better. It just comes"
The fall came from the last lingering injury... the fear of falling, the fear of getting hurt. I knew Sugar did not have the power from behind to jump well... And she had the spook factor building up for it was the end of a lesson and she was looking for excitement. I asked for more, four strides out, then, thought too much, and when I felt her moment of doubt, I did not ask and she did not give... The spook became a prop and the spin spun me off into the dirt onto the healing left side.
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| And a star from "The Don" |
After the screech and the curse word sputtered out... I thought... dirt is a hell of a lot softer than a tree. Actually it's touch is cool on my body and cradles my side supporting its descent into the earth. And, as I watched my pretty girl gallop around the arena, I thought... "I am going to kill you... You will jump that jump until I get over my need to kill you." Thank god for my trainer... insert marriage counseling now.
That first fall... after an injury... Relief! Real, real, relief... you see, I thought I was a Weeble but a FB Friend told me that they wobble... "The Don" told me that I was a Bumble... 'cause Bumble's bounce! And you know, she was right! I bounced and it's all good!
7 comments:
Holy heavens Suzanne - that tree was right in your way! Ouch! But, fall aside, you two look so beautiful together!
Awwwww.... Katie, your comment means so much to me. I have kept that piece of video close... only to friends that have asked and trainers... now, it has little feeling for me but I'm still afraid of harsh criticism. I have the actual digital version... I can see every frame... I know what happened. Next time it will be an obstacle to avoid and not a landmark to go around. ;)
I am glad to hear you are safe and sound. Stay safe!
Good to hear this from the other side. I'm back in the saddle and haven't popped out again yet. It does worry me a little...
:-)
Holy CRAP, that video gave me goosebumps big time. I mean, I guess it's good you have it to study and figure out how not to repeat that, but sheesh, that must be tough to watch for you(?).
Kate, it was the first time I saw it because it was sooo real and I was still in a lot of pain. But, it actually released alot of guilt and self abuse. My head said alot of unkind things about my riding and questioned whether I belonged or deserved to event. When I saw the video with my trainer, she thought everything looked spot on perfect until I hit the tree. Actually, in the digital version, I turn my head right to look at the fourth jump. Sug went with my eye and in order for her to miss the tree, she landed and spun right... Just a dumb error compounded 100 fold because the tree split the two tracks (Novice left of tree, Training right of tree). I really don't look at it anymore... which is healthy.
Come over and post this blog at a newly launched Equine Blogging Network http://hay-net.co.uk. It would be great to share your news with other Equine Bloggers!
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