READING THE END FIRST

Photo by Liz Kast
A pat for a good girl from a happy girl!

Here's a few confessions for you...  I like to read the last chapter of every book I read.  When watching a television series or a reading a book series, I google the plot summary so I know what's going to happen.  Oh, and here's another one, I read every spoiler alert and if you've seen the movie, I'll even ask you to tell me everything about it.  And, {{{here goes}}} it does not bother me a bit!  I just wanna know!

And if, in the moment, you asked me to tell you about our very first XC schooling lesson went, I would have gushed and smiled.  It was fantastic!  Oh, we did not jump anything but logs but we did it well! 



Water is fine!

You see, Sugar (god rest her soul), did not like XC schooling and for the most part was a wild spooky thang.  It took us 9 years to realize that Sugar was best at running a course and calling it a day.  The stop/start pace of XC schooling with horses leaving and galloping back was just too much for her to handle.   It was always a battle to keep her feet on the ground and to go forward over jumps without spooking.

Maisy, just jumps da jumps.  There is no hysteria, no reluctance to leave the group and no bold galloping with some leaping to get back to the herd.  She just jumps da jumps!  Weird isn't it?

Maisy's Twenty Something Friend
schooling her

Had the weekend ended on that note, my Lil' Country Bumpkin would have been my hero.  But I did not read the end of the book... Ms Maisy was a bit of naughty girl at the hunter pace.  Well, more than a bit but less than god awful.  I'll leave the details for some other day...  but, will continue to shake my head and say...  "Really?"

For all you new horse owners (and I do know a few of you), can we get a group hug?  When do the surprises stop?  When do you know and react effectively? 

A Wise Woman listened to my tale and said, "You know, in a year, you'll be laughing at this period and talking about the old "remember whens...  And, like delivering a baby, you forget the pain of childbirth and live with the love. It all works out!"

Do you think I can look up our story on Wikipedia? Maybe our Plot Summary can be googled?  Gosh, this living life on life's terms is really hard...  Where is a Wise Woman when you need one!

Well, she does Jump da Jumps!  And do you know what?  I actually feel that I can jump them too!  And, that IS good!

CARPE DIEM

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~Abraham Lincoln



Not a hound who
worries!

On your death bed, do you tell the stories of how hard you worked, that project that got done on time or the sales call that went well?  It was that kind of week!  Everything that I loved and all the things I cherish put on hold for that one big meeting, that one big sale!

Monday's lesson canceled.  "I'm sorry!  Things got screwed up and I have to stay late."  And, I think to myself, "Well, sometimes you have to put work first so you can continue to enjoy this life!  At least I have the Solstice Ride Friday!"

Tuesday's attempt to master the 20 meter circle before our first dressage show became quick swipe of the brush and a rush to beat the setting sun.  "Oh well, we'll look like drunks on a binge but, really, this show was about getting out not winning.  And, when we gallop at the Solstice Ride, that'll loosen her up a bit!" 

Wednesday's call to the Eventing Trainer sounded so familiar, "I have to cancel my lesson, big presentation tomorrow and I need to work late to prepare."  And I tell myself, "I'll be on vacation soon, I'll make up the lessons then...  This presentation must go well!  And, I'll jump at the Solstice Ride!"

Our ride Thursday had the makings of a good training ride - working on Maisy's balance and rhythm while obsessing on whether or not the new saddle worked for me.  Our circles were odd egg shaped ovals and our work down the long line had every appearance of a toddler running down hill. 

I want to be free!

I wondered... "Is this saddle throwing me all around?  Am I hanging on her mouth?  Is the girth tight enough?  Is the girth too tight?  Does Maisy like this saddle?  Did I waste $3,600 buying it?  I wonder if we won that sale?  Dear god, did I send that email out?  Can't wait for the Solstice Ride!"

You always think that you can make things happen exactly according to your plan.  I was to send out the "Thank You for meeting with us, here's why you love us and why you can not live without us" email, then, write a few more to catch up from all that was pushed aside and get out of work by 3 (no later than 3:30). 

It was not to be - no Solstice Ride, didn't get into the dressage show and no word about our presentation.  I tell myself "Sigh, sometimes work does have to come first!"




Freedom from worry and fret! 

Have you ever had one of those weeks where things just don't go your way?  And, then you think...  wait...  the weather forecast for the show is torrential rain and you really weren't ready even for walk/trot.  And, although you really wanted to do the Solstice Ride, you had a lovely walk around the fields as the sun set.  And work did go pretty well and you may just get that sale!

And, in celebration of a very hard work week, Newbie Eventer and I took our ponies out for a romp just a mere 7 miles away from the barn on a beautiful cool summer morning.  And, as we cantered around the "bowl", I smiled...  "This is why I bought Maisy!  This lovely, spook free, effortless canter that floats upward and out!  This is a tiny bit of heaven right here on earth!  Everything is gonna be ok!  Everything!"

Carpe Diem!  Seize the day! 

IN LOVING MEMORY

Last night while "chatting" about Maisy with Sugar's Twenty Something Friend, I said something to the effect of  "Yes, I am very happy with Maisy.  Yet, I still miss Sugar.  I find myself wishing that I could have them both."

Her kind and loving reply... "Ok, I'm going to put my B**CH hat on and say, TAKE SUGAR OFF THE PEDESTAL.  She was one tough cookie and as much as you learned, Maisy is going to actually allow you to enjoy it and put that anxiety behind you...  Me thinks it's time to smudge that old relationship away!"

Oh my!  Oh my!  Oh my!  And, I think she's right.  Maybe it's time to shine light on the shadow of Sug that covers Ms Maisy's shiny grey coat!

It would be so hard to say goodbye to all that was Sugar and our 10 years together.  Allowing those memories to live well is a gift to a period in my life that was pivotal on so many levels. 

So, the energy must be towards building the relationship with Maisy without the comparison (good or bad) to Sugar.  Maybe that's the key to letting go of the anxiety that became so much a part of jumping Sugar. 

Groton House Farm Horse Trial is just a little over a week away.  If you are a competitor, you might notice that a Stadium Jumping fence is honoring her life while supporting a great event.  And, if you happen to pick up the program, you will see the tribute designed by the Bestest Eventing Buddy...

I think this is not a goodbye to Sugar but the start of a Hello to Maisy...  Yes, that feels just right!

WEEKEND RAMBLINGS

Fancy dancy girl!

Maisy whinnied at me yesterday and I blushed like a school girl in the midst of her first crush.  "What? You know me? Me?  Does that mean you love me?  Me?  OMG, you do love me?"    Then I quickly looked around and ran down the Sugar checklist of needs:

• Is there enough hay? {yes}
• Do I need to adjust your flysheet? {no}
• Is your neighbor in the barn? {no}
• Are you hurt? {no}

By gosh, that whinny was for me!  OMG!  I think she knows me!

Playing hard to get!

And since this is gray day for rambling - Did you know that Lucinda Greene goes out for a run every morning before she teaches her clinics?

When the Newbie Eventer and I pulled into Ledyard Farm for her clinic, we saw a woman running up and down the hills of Boston's North Shore. She waived enthusiastically as we drove by and continued on at a very nice pace. And, later taught a kick a** eventing clinic all day in the hot sun looking as fresh and enthusiastic as she did when she started. God, I want to be more like her!

Did you also know that one of her major themes was telling the riders to dare to make mistakes. Being "perfect" is to stop learning and when we make mistakes we get stronger as riders fixing them. It was like a flow of energy released onto the field. She gave them the freedom to try and and the tools to get better. God, that works in everyday life!

After auditing the Lucinda Greene Clinic and watching the Bestest Eventing Buddy ride with Sharon White, I was pumped up with the need to master the one cavaletti set up in our barn's jumping field. 

You see I've been eyeing that damn cavaletti for two days trying to will myself to pop over it with my lil' country bumpkin.  And, for two days... walked away from it with all the past images of my mistakes and failings dancing through my need to jump.

Not me, BEB!

Shhh, I fell just a little more in love yesterday.  Maisy popped over it - big but simple - and, then we cantered up the hill just two girls with not a care in the world.

Today I answered my Eventing Trainer's text about Maisy's progress and finished with, "I think we're ready to jump with you!"  And, I smiled!  I think we're ready!

A STAR IS BORN

Sometimes you have a thought and that thought becomes a conversation and when the thought becomes a swirl of emotions that circle about your mind, you know that, sometimes, it's best to take that thought and let it out into the universe.

A fellow eventer/blogger/horse girl died this week.  She was 52 doing one of the sports that kept her fit and happy.  We "knew" each other through our blogs and met, face to face, just once at the USEA Annual Meeting.

I always knew, from her blog, facebook and COTH posts that she was one of the good ones.   She volunteered at events, supported up and coming riders, sponsored our top athletes, competed herself, worked full time and kept herself in tip top shape.

What I did not know was how much she did and how much she gave of herself or for that matter, who she really was...  What I do know was that she was a grateful woman, of a generous nature who did not fear giving her time and self to do good for others.

When Sugar died, she reached out to me and asked me to continue blogging and told me how much she enjoyed the journey.  And then, connected me with people and horses to help speed the search to heal my hurting heart.

Her death touched me in a way that I've struggled to figure out...  So young..  But, it wasn't the closeness in our ages but the true feeling of loss.  You see, you may not know her, but she was one of the good ones.  Her acts of kindness and generosity beget more acts of kindness and generosity from those of us recipients and the recipients of those that knew her...


I hope that when I leave this earth, I leave a quiet legacy of kindness, generosity and yes, love.  I will talk to the stars tonight and tell my blogger friend that she is an inspiration to live life well with and towards others.  Thank you.

Tributes to this blogger friend, use as your own inspiration:

USEA -  http://useventing.com/news/memoriam-seema-sonnad

Eventing Nation - http://eventingnation.com/home/eventing-community-mourns-the-loss-of-seema-sonnad/

University of PA - http://www.ajmc.com/newsroom/In-Memoriam-Seema-S-Sonnad-PhD--Colleague-Mentor-Friend

Her Friend's Blog - http://bluehillfarm.blogspot.com/2015/05/because-of-seema.html

A fellow blogger's blog who's story touched my heart again - http://www.teamflyingsolo.com/2015/05/its-not-about-eventing-its-about-living.html


 

CHANGE OR MOVE ON!

Nothin' like a Lab

Thursday's company meeting was the quarterly report or "state of the union" and like a lot of company meetings it had its theme.  This one was that we must "EMBRACE CHANGE or wither as a company, afraid to move forward".  And, "More things will be thrown at us, some at a very quick pace because to succeed we MUST see change as essential and welcome it's activity." 

Finally, as we all sat in rapture of this motivational speech, came the kicker, "Some of you might want what you have in the past and may want the comfort of what was familiar... know that change will happen and if you feel the pull of resistance, feel free to move on."

Can I tell you a secret?  I cried today at the start of what was to be my first jumping lesson on Maisy.  Yes, it was nerves...  but there was something more. 

For whatever it's worth, good or bad, I knew Sugar.  I knew she would be spooky, quick to spin and more often than I liked, I could be spun off.  But, I also knew the rhythm of her stride, the cadence of her foot falls, whether the twitch of her ears was a good thing or a warning.  I knew her...  And, I still miss her...

Friday, I took Maisy over to the City Barn to get her back into the trailer for a short ride AND, if all went well, maybe jump a couple of logs in the XC field or, at least, work out in the open!  I did not have my big girl panties on and just did flat work and walked over some of the logs. 

Newbie Eventer needed to do ditches and the water complex before her event next week so we hacked over to it.  Her steed took a hard look at the complex, rocked backward and bravely went in. 

OHEC Water Complex

Maisy went to the edge hesitantly, dabbled one front hoof in the water and then, I felt started to drop to roll.  I was wrong, she gathered her hind end and jumped in, clearing what was a 4' imaginary jump.  After completely misjudging her actions, I popped off, mid-air, and landed with a splash dab smack in the center of the complex.  Maisy stood there looking at me confused at why I decided to go swimming.

Smiles for the future!

Change - Ten years of Sugar/Saccharine antics at green roll tops, lattice, hay bales, scary corners, farm equipment... you name it and I've never hit the water!  Hmmm, two thoughts - Maisy is not Sugar AND I've been there/done that and we're good!

Dressage Trainer looked at me before today's lesson and knew...  She said, "You're wishing that nothing changed, right?"  And, I cried.  And, then the Wise Woman in her said, "Change can be for the better, right?  And, maybe Change will be exactly what you need.  Welcome the changes as they happen and be sure you take the time you need... There is no rush."

Then we jumped.  Cavelettis to a vertical... nothing huge...  Just two girls learning to adjust to life's changes - together...  All in good time!

HOW DO YOU DO IT?

Minions at work

In no uncertain terms, Sugar was a warhorse...  She had the body of an elite middle weight body builder - big, strong and muscled.  When she walked off the trailer, she owned the territory and her minions made her world safe.   And, she never once left you wondering how she felt for emotional displays were her mark.  The equine Mariah Carey!

I was so afraid (and so were others) that I would find a similar soul in my next partner/friend.  So afraid that I did not shop alone and that I carried the mantra that "He must jump da jumps and beautiful is not an absolute".   And, if I found a beautiful or handsome horse I lusted over, I must wait before making a move...  "He must jump da jumps and beautiful is not an absolute".

Best Eventing Buddy takin
Maisy for a stroll

Maisy is beautiful.  Oops!  {{{Newbie Eventer, how did that happen?}}}

Maisy is not Sugar.  And, gosh... that is so confusing!  She hacks out alone and her one spook was a quick look away from a pile of rocks (always a surpise to our southern horses).  That's it!  No prop, spin and leap... just a look and a slight move away from the "scary" pile of stone.  And, she's walked passed big construction equipment and nothing...  HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?



Trainer ride - Looking fancy!

 She is a very sensitive soul.  Oh, not in the diva fit way that was our norm but in the quiet, "I'll stand here and shake/shiver and sweat" kind of way.  I feel like she wants to do what I ask her to do but if it makes her uncomfortable, she internalizes it...  And, this sweet thing, is ulcery...

Everyone wants her to be successful, to jump da jumps and to be an event pony so the suggestions come in hard and fast...  Supplements, chiro, massage, acupuncture, new saddles... Try this, don't do that, do that... no, this, how about that? 

Welcome home!

How do you do it? How do you absorb the cost of treatment ($750 or so)? And, what if her tension requires anything more? How do you do that too?  Where do you skimp? How do you do it?  The pressure of not being rich is killing me.  {{{Note to self - win the lottery, ok?}}}  

And, then you have a moment with your new pony and her trot is amazing.  And you breathe, remembering that Sugar had ten years and we figured her out over and over again. 

Maisy, I think I'll do the same.  "All in good time", said the lil' pinto pony, "All in good time!"