The RIGHT STUFF

 

I saw this quote today:  "Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help and brave enough to ask for it. (Unknown)"  It felt so good and so right. 

Pure coincidence on the matching outfits! 

You see Maisy will be competing in her very first event this week and, I am not her rider.   It is the right thing for the both of us.  My Lil' Country Bumpkin is going to need a confident ride to help her focus on the jumps in front of her rather than the normal chaos of a good sized event.  She needs someone to make it fun and successful.  And I believe that the Young Happy Professional is the right one to guide her in her start as an eventing pony.

My turn will come!  And, when that happens, Maisy will be able to focus on the jumps ahead and I will be able to manage my nerves.  Well, at least my anxiety won't crush her urge to jump by then.  She will know her job and I will be confident to keep on going forward.  It's all the right stuff!

I wish I could tell you I was sad or feeling low about this decision... maybe then you'd think it was long hard debate on what's best for Maisy and a final self-sacrifice on my part.  Yeah, I wish I could say that...  Instead...

Still a bit of an overachiever...

Waaaaaaa hooooooo!  Maisy is going to King Oak Farms Horse Trials this weekend!  And my soul job is to groom her within a inch of her life and make what is attractive... amazingly clean and beautiful. Waaaaaa hooooooo!  Grooming, pictures and being a proud parent!  Shhhhhh...  I love this role! 

I can not tell you how much I've missed getting Sugar ready for shows.  Oh, I do like competing myself and will do so before the end of the season.  But, I absolutely LOVE show grooming and presentation.  And, Foxglen's Lady Margaret will look fantastic even if she can not stop herself from picking her head up to look around. 

And, let me tell you how awesome the Young Happy Professional is...  When she did a dry run of the dressage test she turned to me and said, "Wow, your hard work really shows, that was a rather decent canter circle and respectable dressage test!" 

Shhhhhh..  my ego is not dead!  It just chooses its battles carefully! 

This is the pre-show jumping lesson...  I spent most of the lesson watching and waiting for the spooks...  Not a thing!  Just jumped da jumps!

My time will come... Course Brook Horse Trials Halloween Schooling Trial at whatever level I feel comfortable with!

 

 

 

DOING TIME...

Do not judge me too harshly... In the spirit of being honest (it is a confession's blog), I've had moments this week where I've been consumed with sadness.  You see, I still miss Sugar.  I emphasize the word "moments" because I am not consumed by grief but the sadness is real and deep. 

Used with permission
www.connecticutphotos.com

Maybe its more real now because I was at Town Hill Horse Trials cheering on and "grooming" for the Bestest Eventing Buddy and the Newbie Eventer.  {{{The quotes come from the BEB... she feels I chat too much to actually take the quotes out. Harrumph}}}

Town Hill Horse Trials 2014 was the year Sug and I were on fire and showed up for all three phases.  In essence, we finished our career together with a fourth place.  And, we finished in style - fast and furious with the promise of being back at Novice after 3.5 years struggling with nerves. 

I was filled with the feeling of that victory over my fear this weekend.  It was mostly exhilarating with those moments of sadness.

Time...  Damn, it takes time to build a relationship and the trust I need to feel confident.  Time...  it owns me and teases me.  I am like a three year old who hasn't had a nap...  "I want it and I want it now!"

Maisy is turning out to be kind of special (no quotes intended).  Under saddle she is a rock star... not a spook in her and she LOVES to jump, wants to go to the jump and looks for more jumps.  And, I can ride her in the dark out in a field and she is ok with that... even at the canter. 

And, she whinnies when I come into the barn and looks for me when I'm there.  If I get unseated or rattled when she over jumps, she quietly waits until I reclaim my space.  There is not a mean bone in her body.  She wants to please and I love her more each day.

Truly a good girl!

Maybe the sadness is tinged with a little guilt. Maisy is not Sugar in so many ways.  Sometimes I miss riding the Wild Thing but mostly, I know how much of my confidence issues were and are a result of riding the Wild Thing.  Maisy has the wonderful gaits, the beauty and the talent that Sug had without the drama.  And, it feels just a little guilty saying that.

I'm doing the time and we're getting to be a team and maybe soon, jumping will be just another fun thing to do rather than the event to prepare for it is now.  Maisy is like that...  And, I am glad that she came into my life.

DEMONS FOR TEA!

The Wise Man told a story today about a woman practicing her yoga as three demons come crashing through the front door screeching and circling her ominously.  When the din became so loud that she no longer could practice, she built a fire.  The demons screamed and followed her into the kitchen as she quietly filled a tea pot and set it on the fire.  Louder and closer they came but she serenely went about setting four cups, cream and sugar and a plate of the finest scones.

Not a worry here!

The demons could stand it no longer and swooped down and asked what she was doing.  "Well", she said, "you will always be here, invited or not.  You might as well stay for tea."  With that, the demons quieted and joined her for a cup of tea...  her terms and not theirs.

You know, Maisy has been fantastic...  I think she is going to be the perfect amateur's horse and I'm lucky to have her.  Oh, there are moments of...  "Really?  What's up with that?"  But, I must emphasize that I'm talking about moments.  And, never once have I felt like a rock start riding out the wild thing... because Maisy is an agreeable, level-headed, nothing-phases-me kind of horse.

Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health

Yet, I still live with those demons!  I still fight the fight to keep the demons at bay so I can jump anxiety free.  And what a fight it is.  If I jump something every week, there is progress.  Missing a week sets me back and I want to scream at my trainer, "Dear God, don't push me! (even if there is no push intended)"

Maisy is green.  And her balance in the ring needs much work but oh my!, the potential is amazing.  And, the pleasure I get from riding a spook free horse can not be adequately described.  Sometimes I think, wow, Sugar really was hard to ride.  And, when I have to ride out in a big field as the sun disappears into darkness and my Lil' Country Bumpkin keeps working as if it was noon, I could cry with the joy of having such a good girl.

It's the demons that disturb...  They are ghosts of things unresolved in my past.  And, the fight to hold them at bay is exhausting.  Do I invite them for tea?  Offer them the finest scones?  Acceptance has a power unto itself...  So, I am a bit of a weenie jumper (now)?  So what?  Who is really judging me?

Do they even like tea?  Wait, scones are delicious!  I think accepting them as a part of my experience and allowing them to show up and then setting them aside to eat and drink as I ride is the right thing to do...

Hmmmm, do you think they'll steal the silver tea set while I'm jumping?  Hmmmm!

{{{{At a Meditation Retreat... a silent retreat!  I do know how to partay!!!}}}}}

READING THE END FIRST

Photo by Liz Kast
A pat for a good girl from a happy girl!

Here's a few confessions for you...  I like to read the last chapter of every book I read.  When watching a television series or a reading a book series, I google the plot summary so I know what's going to happen.  Oh, and here's another one, I read every spoiler alert and if you've seen the movie, I'll even ask you to tell me everything about it.  And, {{{here goes}}} it does not bother me a bit!  I just wanna know!

And if, in the moment, you asked me to tell you about our very first XC schooling lesson went, I would have gushed and smiled.  It was fantastic!  Oh, we did not jump anything but logs but we did it well! 



Water is fine!

You see, Sugar (god rest her soul), did not like XC schooling and for the most part was a wild spooky thang.  It took us 9 years to realize that Sugar was best at running a course and calling it a day.  The stop/start pace of XC schooling with horses leaving and galloping back was just too much for her to handle.   It was always a battle to keep her feet on the ground and to go forward over jumps without spooking.

Maisy, just jumps da jumps.  There is no hysteria, no reluctance to leave the group and no bold galloping with some leaping to get back to the herd.  She just jumps da jumps!  Weird isn't it?

Maisy's Twenty Something Friend
schooling her

Had the weekend ended on that note, my Lil' Country Bumpkin would have been my hero.  But I did not read the end of the book... Ms Maisy was a bit of naughty girl at the hunter pace.  Well, more than a bit but less than god awful.  I'll leave the details for some other day...  but, will continue to shake my head and say...  "Really?"

For all you new horse owners (and I do know a few of you), can we get a group hug?  When do the surprises stop?  When do you know and react effectively? 

A Wise Woman listened to my tale and said, "You know, in a year, you'll be laughing at this period and talking about the old "remember whens...  And, like delivering a baby, you forget the pain of childbirth and live with the love. It all works out!"

Do you think I can look up our story on Wikipedia? Maybe our Plot Summary can be googled?  Gosh, this living life on life's terms is really hard...  Where is a Wise Woman when you need one!

Well, she does Jump da Jumps!  And do you know what?  I actually feel that I can jump them too!  And, that IS good!

CARPE DIEM

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~Abraham Lincoln



Not a hound who
worries!

On your death bed, do you tell the stories of how hard you worked, that project that got done on time or the sales call that went well?  It was that kind of week!  Everything that I loved and all the things I cherish put on hold for that one big meeting, that one big sale!

Monday's lesson canceled.  "I'm sorry!  Things got screwed up and I have to stay late."  And, I think to myself, "Well, sometimes you have to put work first so you can continue to enjoy this life!  At least I have the Solstice Ride Friday!"

Tuesday's attempt to master the 20 meter circle before our first dressage show became quick swipe of the brush and a rush to beat the setting sun.  "Oh well, we'll look like drunks on a binge but, really, this show was about getting out not winning.  And, when we gallop at the Solstice Ride, that'll loosen her up a bit!" 

Wednesday's call to the Eventing Trainer sounded so familiar, "I have to cancel my lesson, big presentation tomorrow and I need to work late to prepare."  And I tell myself, "I'll be on vacation soon, I'll make up the lessons then...  This presentation must go well!  And, I'll jump at the Solstice Ride!"

Our ride Thursday had the makings of a good training ride - working on Maisy's balance and rhythm while obsessing on whether or not the new saddle worked for me.  Our circles were odd egg shaped ovals and our work down the long line had every appearance of a toddler running down hill. 

I want to be free!

I wondered... "Is this saddle throwing me all around?  Am I hanging on her mouth?  Is the girth tight enough?  Is the girth too tight?  Does Maisy like this saddle?  Did I waste $3,600 buying it?  I wonder if we won that sale?  Dear god, did I send that email out?  Can't wait for the Solstice Ride!"

You always think that you can make things happen exactly according to your plan.  I was to send out the "Thank You for meeting with us, here's why you love us and why you can not live without us" email, then, write a few more to catch up from all that was pushed aside and get out of work by 3 (no later than 3:30). 

It was not to be - no Solstice Ride, didn't get into the dressage show and no word about our presentation.  I tell myself "Sigh, sometimes work does have to come first!"




Freedom from worry and fret! 

Have you ever had one of those weeks where things just don't go your way?  And, then you think...  wait...  the weather forecast for the show is torrential rain and you really weren't ready even for walk/trot.  And, although you really wanted to do the Solstice Ride, you had a lovely walk around the fields as the sun set.  And work did go pretty well and you may just get that sale!

And, in celebration of a very hard work week, Newbie Eventer and I took our ponies out for a romp just a mere 7 miles away from the barn on a beautiful cool summer morning.  And, as we cantered around the "bowl", I smiled...  "This is why I bought Maisy!  This lovely, spook free, effortless canter that floats upward and out!  This is a tiny bit of heaven right here on earth!  Everything is gonna be ok!  Everything!"

Carpe Diem!  Seize the day! 

IN LOVING MEMORY

Last night while "chatting" about Maisy with Sugar's Twenty Something Friend, I said something to the effect of  "Yes, I am very happy with Maisy.  Yet, I still miss Sugar.  I find myself wishing that I could have them both."

Her kind and loving reply... "Ok, I'm going to put my B**CH hat on and say, TAKE SUGAR OFF THE PEDESTAL.  She was one tough cookie and as much as you learned, Maisy is going to actually allow you to enjoy it and put that anxiety behind you...  Me thinks it's time to smudge that old relationship away!"

Oh my!  Oh my!  Oh my!  And, I think she's right.  Maybe it's time to shine light on the shadow of Sug that covers Ms Maisy's shiny grey coat!

It would be so hard to say goodbye to all that was Sugar and our 10 years together.  Allowing those memories to live well is a gift to a period in my life that was pivotal on so many levels. 

So, the energy must be towards building the relationship with Maisy without the comparison (good or bad) to Sugar.  Maybe that's the key to letting go of the anxiety that became so much a part of jumping Sugar. 

Groton House Farm Horse Trial is just a little over a week away.  If you are a competitor, you might notice that a Stadium Jumping fence is honoring her life while supporting a great event.  And, if you happen to pick up the program, you will see the tribute designed by the Bestest Eventing Buddy...

I think this is not a goodbye to Sugar but the start of a Hello to Maisy...  Yes, that feels just right!

WEEKEND RAMBLINGS

Fancy dancy girl!

Maisy whinnied at me yesterday and I blushed like a school girl in the midst of her first crush.  "What? You know me? Me?  Does that mean you love me?  Me?  OMG, you do love me?"    Then I quickly looked around and ran down the Sugar checklist of needs:

• Is there enough hay? {yes}
• Do I need to adjust your flysheet? {no}
• Is your neighbor in the barn? {no}
• Are you hurt? {no}

By gosh, that whinny was for me!  OMG!  I think she knows me!

Playing hard to get!

And since this is gray day for rambling - Did you know that Lucinda Greene goes out for a run every morning before she teaches her clinics?

When the Newbie Eventer and I pulled into Ledyard Farm for her clinic, we saw a woman running up and down the hills of Boston's North Shore. She waived enthusiastically as we drove by and continued on at a very nice pace. And, later taught a kick a** eventing clinic all day in the hot sun looking as fresh and enthusiastic as she did when she started. God, I want to be more like her!

Did you also know that one of her major themes was telling the riders to dare to make mistakes. Being "perfect" is to stop learning and when we make mistakes we get stronger as riders fixing them. It was like a flow of energy released onto the field. She gave them the freedom to try and and the tools to get better. God, that works in everyday life!

After auditing the Lucinda Greene Clinic and watching the Bestest Eventing Buddy ride with Sharon White, I was pumped up with the need to master the one cavaletti set up in our barn's jumping field. 

You see I've been eyeing that damn cavaletti for two days trying to will myself to pop over it with my lil' country bumpkin.  And, for two days... walked away from it with all the past images of my mistakes and failings dancing through my need to jump.

Not me, BEB!

Shhh, I fell just a little more in love yesterday.  Maisy popped over it - big but simple - and, then we cantered up the hill just two girls with not a care in the world.

Today I answered my Eventing Trainer's text about Maisy's progress and finished with, "I think we're ready to jump with you!"  And, I smiled!  I think we're ready!