THAT ONE THING!

It's always that one thing that "ruins" everything.  If I speak in front of a crowd and one survey card is less than complementary, I forget about all those that were positive or constructive and focus instead on that one thing...  that one thing...

That one thing

Have I mentioned yet that Maisy and I did dressage work out in the field with just the brilliance of a full moon lighting our way?  Or maybe I didn't tell you how the Happy Young Professional (HYP) and Her Grayness competed at the last Horse Trial and finished 4th?  Or perhaps I shared the story of our Hunter Pace success where I jumped da jumps and loved the gentle lady underneath me?

No I did not!

What I want to do is to go on and on about getting dumped at today's hunter pace.  It wasn't over a jump but during a lovely gallop through some amazing fields.  I believe that Maisy would prefer not to be in the lead but somewhere near or actually in the buttocks of her stablemate and lover Patrick.  That leading at a gallop means that she can not actually embed herself into his body and that perhaps, the additional insult was to allow another horse to come between two lovers.

{{{Hmmm, I believe I am going on and on...}}}

What does a mare do when not really wanting to be a leader and experiencing longing and concern over a lover?  I believe she makes a "quick" twist of her head and neck to look behind her and when discovering that he was further behind than what her love sick mind feels is safe, finish the turn in a big twist.

Fortunately for Maisy, Patrick was fine.  Unfortunately for me, I got thrown, well maybe off balanced and fell in a twisted heap of my own...  Shoulder, neck and lower back... strained muscles - no permanent damage.

Just one thing

Yeah, I want to go on and on...  Mostly because I feel depressed, defeated and just a hint of worthlessness.   Did I mention that I can barely move, had to ask a stranger to pick up the Epsom Salts for me because I couldn't bend down and get back up?  That feeling does add some cheer to a girl's day!

That one thing!

What I really need to do is to go on and on about how great galloping her feels like or how the one jump we took felt amazing even if she jumped big.  Or maybe I need to tell you how much fun it was to be with my team and enjoy riding out in amazing territory as the fall colors fade into gold and copper. 

And, maybe I need to tell you that when I fell, Maisy stopped and stood over me waiting for me to get up...  Yeah, that one thing!  She stopped and stood over me... waiting for me to stand up. 

That one thing!

WHINY WEDNESDAY

I've given in to the WAAA, WAAAs and leapt deeply off of Sunshiney Mountain into the gray abyss of Whiny Wednesday...  Oh believe me, I refused to give in even as I dipped my toes into the pool of moroseness.  I wanna have a pity party and I wanna have it now.

Morning's grayness @ Plantation
Horse Trials

Maisy decided that her beloved neighbor was not as attentive as she felt a mare in fall heat deserves.  And, when he denied her longing she reared up and caught her left front in the electric fence and lacerated the inside of her cannon bone.  Rumor has it that her distraught neighbor ran about his paddock until the barn folk released her from bondage.

The deep thinking of a Hound

Even though the call from the barn owner brought back the memory of his call back in March, we all knew that this injury was not critical.  When I got to the barn after work, the leg was hot, sore and swollen twice its normal size.  Cue in worry, fret and whining.

You know?  It's probably a good thing that I am an Aunt and not a Mother.  I'm pretty sure I'd be that parent that does not offer comfort and hugs...  I'm the one that says,  "I am so mad!  You did this to yourself and now it's going to cost money for the vet to see you and how am I going to find the time to ice and wrap you three or more times a day.  I hope you're happy with yourself."  {{{Um, I actually was that mom to Maisy... oopsie!}}}

Yeah...  I'm not proud of that but, this is a confessional blog... sigh!

Maisy & her Happy Young Professional
Used with permission Spotted Vision
Photography

And, I'm not whining about the time or the money or even the possibility of scratching my first (and last for the season) event.  I'm whining because I HATE WRAPPING LEGS!  There I said it.  I hate to do it!  I hate the responsibility it carries to do it right or suffer the consequences.  I hate leaving the barn wondering if this is the night that she gets a bandage bow because I wrapped too tightly.  And, if I wrap to loosely, I'm afraid that they will fall down and tighten around the feet/leg cutting circulation and ruining the foot/leg.

The vet came and declared the leg sound, the laceration superficial and is treating the hematoma underneath the cut seriously and aggressively to prevent lymphangitis.  I get to walk under saddle for three days (15 minutes) and then ice, treat the wound and wrap.  She is clear that everything will be ok.

I need to stay with that...  She is going to be fine!  And, I need to stop lamenting our fate.  Everything will be ok. And, I need to be a better parent - love and comfort her...  Yeah, that sound doable!  Maisy is gonna be ok!

SEASONING

I had corn for dinner tonight.   Deliciously sweet and seasoned with butter, salt and fresh ground pepper... It was the first ear of corn and most likely the last.  The season for sweet, farm fresh corn is over and, I was late in tasting that delectable deliciousness...  "'Til next year, 'til next year", I say, "'til next year!"

Yesterday was the very last recognized Horse Trial here in Area 1 and there is some sadness in saying good bye!  Some folks will travel south and catch a few in Area 2 and others will be cleaning and putting away vests, studs (or if you're me, you throw them in your tack box and act surprised when they have mud on them and are a bit rusty.) "'Til next year, 'til next year", I say, "'til next year!"

Maisy was lucky to finish her second Horse Trial ever with the Happy Young Professional (HYP)!  Have I mentioned that she's Irish (IDSH)?  And, if you know anything about the Irish, they are a bit bold, maybe a tiny bit stubborn, love to socialize and are a bit too smart (OK, I'm of Irish descent and I can name a few other interesting stereotypes.)  Ms Maisy is very true to her heritage (although she is half German, hmmmm).



Used with permission
www.spottedvisionphotography
 

At the barn, she's shaking like a leaf perhaps anticipating a wild day of hunting, or a long separation from her beloved gelding friends?  At the show, she boldly moved off with nary a hesitation (let me show you a few things HYP).  She floated around the crowded warm up as if she was alone in a valley of thick sweet clover - light on the ground, soft in her body and floppy ears.

This show she knew her job and wanted to help the HYP do the dressage test... well the one that she KNEW and not necessarily the one required by the organizing committee.  The HYP was discreet in reminding her that this was just her second go and that maybe the HYP knew more than she did.  It was a lovely test - 30.8 for first place.



Used with permission
www.spottedvisionphotography

Her jumping was big, bold and brassy.  Did we not know that she did this three weeks ago and knows exactly what she should be doing? If you watch the video, you can see a moment's hesitation...  My Lil' Country Bumpkin might know what she's doing but she still doesn't understand what all the activity is outside of the arena and sometime gets distracted (SQUIRREL).  Clean and still in 1st place.

Her cross country was fast and her jumping careful.  There was never a hesitation in her jumping but there was a big galloping stride that added 2.8 speed faults finishing in 4th place.  And, Ms Maisy was quite pleased with herself...  And, I'm sure would've enjoyed a beer!

Today, she and her BFF went on a Hunter Pace.  Despite a few moments of hysteria when her lover left her or new horses joined us at the check, she was a very lovely ride.  And, I jumped jumps (not all of them) and she was quite the lady!  I love this horse!  I really do!

 Our debut will be at a schooling show on Halloween.  My only goal is to get the first done so I too can be a bold, smart, know-it-all!  Then, cheers to winter wanderings and some butt kicking jumping lessons... 

Next year it would be great to start the season early... hmmmm, maybe I'll have sweet corn in June next year too!

JUST BE!

Ganesh - the Remover
of Obstacles

What we think, we become.  Buddha

 

We all know an Eeyore...  it's that person who always seems to have bad luck.  Things never go right for them no matter what... Life is always hard!  If you were to ask an Eeyore how was their day, they would have a long list of things that didn't go well.  Ask them what did go well and you'd stop them in their tracks - "nothing" would be their sad reply.  Eeyore's life is exactly what they want it to be because, "What we think, we become."

 

My confession this Sunday night...  I think I've become Maisy's Eeyore. 

 

Oh, did I mention that Maisy's Happy Young Professional competed my Lil' Country Bumpkin at her first recognized Horse Trial?  Well, Maisy came out of the trailer and marched down to the dressage warm up as if she was a almost-ready-to-retire-Grand-Prix-dressage-horse.  

 

All Gussied Up - Like a Grown Up

By the time I walked down to watch, Maisy was in full warm up, ears soft, fancy prancing in a very tight electric environment.  I turned to a friend and said, "I know she's mine but dear god, if she wasn't I'd be lusting after that horse!" 

 

She entered the ring at a brilliant, relaxed trot and... wait... where is the spooking at the judges booth?  The letters?  Wait, why isn't she spooking at K?  Wait?!  That is amazing...  My Lil' Country Bumpkin did her first dressage test and scored a 28.4!  A 28.4!



 

Maisy and her HYP did well.  She was very green and jumped big but competently.  She did have a refusal at the first jump on the XC course.  She came out of the start box as if she knew exactly what she was doing.  My friend, watching, said it looked like she was confused, waiting for all the horses to follow her and stopped when they didn't.  It was the last bobble of the day and off they went with her green self getting bolder as they traveled over the course.

 

I haven't ridden well since then.  Oh, it didn't happen overnight...  Over the next two weeks, I couldn't get her straight, couldn't get her to hold herself up in the ring at a canter, and finally, couldn't even force myself to jump a cross rail by myself.  I was disgusted with myself and depressed...  "We'll just trail ride...  HYP and Dressage Trainer can show her.  They ride her better than I ever will...  I'll just get her fit."

 

We were signed up for a dressage clinic.  I wanted to cancel.  It would be in an indoor and Maisy hasn't been in one since the PPE and maybe not at all before that.  I didn't want to humiliate myself any further.  It was expensive and well, all we were capable of doing was the walk and was that worth spending the money?

 

"You know how to ride!  Why are you riding her like you don't?  Ride her exactly like you would have ridden Sugar!  You have the skills and ability to make this happen for the both of you!  Ride her like that!"

 

And, something changed.  I stopped worrying that I was ruining her, that someone rode her better than me, that it was so hard and I can't make mistakes or everything gained would be lost...  I stopped worrying and started to ride her.  Ride her just a little tougher, a little more demanding and much more confidently...  and, it was magical.  I felt that "I CAN DO THIS!" 

 

So, I dropped my entry into the mailbox.  Just a schooling show and at 2'3" Elementary and I am ok with that.  Just a mere 4 days ago, I had a lovely trail horse...  Now, I am an eventer with a green but eager event horse!

 

I CAN DO THIS!

 

 

 



The RIGHT STUFF

 

I saw this quote today:  "Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help and brave enough to ask for it. (Unknown)"  It felt so good and so right. 

Pure coincidence on the matching outfits! 

You see Maisy will be competing in her very first event this week and, I am not her rider.   It is the right thing for the both of us.  My Lil' Country Bumpkin is going to need a confident ride to help her focus on the jumps in front of her rather than the normal chaos of a good sized event.  She needs someone to make it fun and successful.  And I believe that the Young Happy Professional is the right one to guide her in her start as an eventing pony.

My turn will come!  And, when that happens, Maisy will be able to focus on the jumps ahead and I will be able to manage my nerves.  Well, at least my anxiety won't crush her urge to jump by then.  She will know her job and I will be confident to keep on going forward.  It's all the right stuff!

I wish I could tell you I was sad or feeling low about this decision... maybe then you'd think it was long hard debate on what's best for Maisy and a final self-sacrifice on my part.  Yeah, I wish I could say that...  Instead...

Still a bit of an overachiever...

Waaaaaaa hooooooo!  Maisy is going to King Oak Farms Horse Trials this weekend!  And my soul job is to groom her within a inch of her life and make what is attractive... amazingly clean and beautiful. Waaaaaa hooooooo!  Grooming, pictures and being a proud parent!  Shhhhhh...  I love this role! 

I can not tell you how much I've missed getting Sugar ready for shows.  Oh, I do like competing myself and will do so before the end of the season.  But, I absolutely LOVE show grooming and presentation.  And, Foxglen's Lady Margaret will look fantastic even if she can not stop herself from picking her head up to look around. 

And, let me tell you how awesome the Young Happy Professional is...  When she did a dry run of the dressage test she turned to me and said, "Wow, your hard work really shows, that was a rather decent canter circle and respectable dressage test!" 

Shhhhhh..  my ego is not dead!  It just chooses its battles carefully! 

This is the pre-show jumping lesson...  I spent most of the lesson watching and waiting for the spooks...  Not a thing!  Just jumped da jumps!

My time will come... Course Brook Horse Trials Halloween Schooling Trial at whatever level I feel comfortable with!

 

 

 

DOING TIME...

Do not judge me too harshly... In the spirit of being honest (it is a confession's blog), I've had moments this week where I've been consumed with sadness.  You see, I still miss Sugar.  I emphasize the word "moments" because I am not consumed by grief but the sadness is real and deep. 

Used with permission
www.connecticutphotos.com

Maybe its more real now because I was at Town Hill Horse Trials cheering on and "grooming" for the Bestest Eventing Buddy and the Newbie Eventer.  {{{The quotes come from the BEB... she feels I chat too much to actually take the quotes out. Harrumph}}}

Town Hill Horse Trials 2014 was the year Sug and I were on fire and showed up for all three phases.  In essence, we finished our career together with a fourth place.  And, we finished in style - fast and furious with the promise of being back at Novice after 3.5 years struggling with nerves. 

I was filled with the feeling of that victory over my fear this weekend.  It was mostly exhilarating with those moments of sadness.

Time...  Damn, it takes time to build a relationship and the trust I need to feel confident.  Time...  it owns me and teases me.  I am like a three year old who hasn't had a nap...  "I want it and I want it now!"

Maisy is turning out to be kind of special (no quotes intended).  Under saddle she is a rock star... not a spook in her and she LOVES to jump, wants to go to the jump and looks for more jumps.  And, I can ride her in the dark out in a field and she is ok with that... even at the canter. 

And, she whinnies when I come into the barn and looks for me when I'm there.  If I get unseated or rattled when she over jumps, she quietly waits until I reclaim my space.  There is not a mean bone in her body.  She wants to please and I love her more each day.

Truly a good girl!

Maybe the sadness is tinged with a little guilt. Maisy is not Sugar in so many ways.  Sometimes I miss riding the Wild Thing but mostly, I know how much of my confidence issues were and are a result of riding the Wild Thing.  Maisy has the wonderful gaits, the beauty and the talent that Sug had without the drama.  And, it feels just a little guilty saying that.

I'm doing the time and we're getting to be a team and maybe soon, jumping will be just another fun thing to do rather than the event to prepare for it is now.  Maisy is like that...  And, I am glad that she came into my life.

DEMONS FOR TEA!

The Wise Man told a story today about a woman practicing her yoga as three demons come crashing through the front door screeching and circling her ominously.  When the din became so loud that she no longer could practice, she built a fire.  The demons screamed and followed her into the kitchen as she quietly filled a tea pot and set it on the fire.  Louder and closer they came but she serenely went about setting four cups, cream and sugar and a plate of the finest scones.

Not a worry here!

The demons could stand it no longer and swooped down and asked what she was doing.  "Well", she said, "you will always be here, invited or not.  You might as well stay for tea."  With that, the demons quieted and joined her for a cup of tea...  her terms and not theirs.

You know, Maisy has been fantastic...  I think she is going to be the perfect amateur's horse and I'm lucky to have her.  Oh, there are moments of...  "Really?  What's up with that?"  But, I must emphasize that I'm talking about moments.  And, never once have I felt like a rock start riding out the wild thing... because Maisy is an agreeable, level-headed, nothing-phases-me kind of horse.

Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health

Yet, I still live with those demons!  I still fight the fight to keep the demons at bay so I can jump anxiety free.  And what a fight it is.  If I jump something every week, there is progress.  Missing a week sets me back and I want to scream at my trainer, "Dear God, don't push me! (even if there is no push intended)"

Maisy is green.  And her balance in the ring needs much work but oh my!, the potential is amazing.  And, the pleasure I get from riding a spook free horse can not be adequately described.  Sometimes I think, wow, Sugar really was hard to ride.  And, when I have to ride out in a big field as the sun disappears into darkness and my Lil' Country Bumpkin keeps working as if it was noon, I could cry with the joy of having such a good girl.

It's the demons that disturb...  They are ghosts of things unresolved in my past.  And, the fight to hold them at bay is exhausting.  Do I invite them for tea?  Offer them the finest scones?  Acceptance has a power unto itself...  So, I am a bit of a weenie jumper (now)?  So what?  Who is really judging me?

Do they even like tea?  Wait, scones are delicious!  I think accepting them as a part of my experience and allowing them to show up and then setting them aside to eat and drink as I ride is the right thing to do...

Hmmmm, do you think they'll steal the silver tea set while I'm jumping?  Hmmmm!

{{{{At a Meditation Retreat... a silent retreat!  I do know how to partay!!!}}}}}