SEASONING

I had corn for dinner tonight.   Deliciously sweet and seasoned with butter, salt and fresh ground pepper... It was the first ear of corn and most likely the last.  The season for sweet, farm fresh corn is over and, I was late in tasting that delectable deliciousness...  "'Til next year, 'til next year", I say, "'til next year!"

Yesterday was the very last recognized Horse Trial here in Area 1 and there is some sadness in saying good bye!  Some folks will travel south and catch a few in Area 2 and others will be cleaning and putting away vests, studs (or if you're me, you throw them in your tack box and act surprised when they have mud on them and are a bit rusty.) "'Til next year, 'til next year", I say, "'til next year!"

Maisy was lucky to finish her second Horse Trial ever with the Happy Young Professional (HYP)!  Have I mentioned that she's Irish (IDSH)?  And, if you know anything about the Irish, they are a bit bold, maybe a tiny bit stubborn, love to socialize and are a bit too smart (OK, I'm of Irish descent and I can name a few other interesting stereotypes.)  Ms Maisy is very true to her heritage (although she is half German, hmmmm).



Used with permission
www.spottedvisionphotography
 

At the barn, she's shaking like a leaf perhaps anticipating a wild day of hunting, or a long separation from her beloved gelding friends?  At the show, she boldly moved off with nary a hesitation (let me show you a few things HYP).  She floated around the crowded warm up as if she was alone in a valley of thick sweet clover - light on the ground, soft in her body and floppy ears.

This show she knew her job and wanted to help the HYP do the dressage test... well the one that she KNEW and not necessarily the one required by the organizing committee.  The HYP was discreet in reminding her that this was just her second go and that maybe the HYP knew more than she did.  It was a lovely test - 30.8 for first place.



Used with permission
www.spottedvisionphotography

Her jumping was big, bold and brassy.  Did we not know that she did this three weeks ago and knows exactly what she should be doing? If you watch the video, you can see a moment's hesitation...  My Lil' Country Bumpkin might know what she's doing but she still doesn't understand what all the activity is outside of the arena and sometime gets distracted (SQUIRREL).  Clean and still in 1st place.

Her cross country was fast and her jumping careful.  There was never a hesitation in her jumping but there was a big galloping stride that added 2.8 speed faults finishing in 4th place.  And, Ms Maisy was quite pleased with herself...  And, I'm sure would've enjoyed a beer!

Today, she and her BFF went on a Hunter Pace.  Despite a few moments of hysteria when her lover left her or new horses joined us at the check, she was a very lovely ride.  And, I jumped jumps (not all of them) and she was quite the lady!  I love this horse!  I really do!

 Our debut will be at a schooling show on Halloween.  My only goal is to get the first done so I too can be a bold, smart, know-it-all!  Then, cheers to winter wanderings and some butt kicking jumping lessons... 

Next year it would be great to start the season early... hmmmm, maybe I'll have sweet corn in June next year too!

REVERSE THE CURSE - CHECK!

Photo by Liz Kast

In 2004, after 86 seasons, the Boston Red Sox ended the Curse of the Bambino...    Now, I am not a multi-million dollar baseball player and I'm not going for World Series glory and fame.  No, I'm just a Master (aged) BN rider who just wanted to (in the order of importance), stay in the tack all the way back to the trailer, complete the event, and/or go clean...  I wondered as I dropped my Town Hill Horse Trials entry, if I could Reverse my Curse in four! 

You see, in order to "Reverse the Curse", expectations were gonna be kind of high since our performance at Town Hill the last three tries were... um...  not great:

• 2013 - A much too aggressive correction equaled a very white buttocks galloping off into the sunset (http://confessionsofanaaer.blogspot.com/2013/09/grrrr-gone-wild.html)
• 2012 - Two stops on course and being dumped after completing XC (http://confessionsofanaaer.blogspot.com/2012/09/winning-with-8577.html)
• 2010 - Two stops at the same jump (pre-blogging days) and an abysmal dressage test.

Water Complex at sundown

Friends would ask, 'Why do you keep going there if you do so badly each year?"  Why?  They run a beautiful event, over great terrain, with cool jumps and questions, are efficient scoring and are really nice people.   And if you do well, there are prizes that go with the brightly colored polyester.

Generally, dressage is a sh*t show since warming up alongside galloping XC horses is tooo exciting for one to remain earthbound.  Wait!  They moved dressage far away from an active XC course?  There is an eventing god! 

Our warmup was going to be different this time.  Dressage Trainer and I had a long conversation on how to keep my little princess' hooves on the ground.  Just keep her moving, turns on the forehand... canter when you can... return to turns on the forehand.  Keep her brain and body engaged.

Photo used with permission
www.yokinasphoto.com

And when it was our turn, I walked her up to the judges booth/scary pop up tent and then proceeded at a nice slow trot, shoulder-fore and leg yielding.  For the first half of the test, I actually felt that we were going to break into the 20's and then, out of the corner of her eye, Sugar caught the galloping horses way off in the XC field.  She lept up and over in a huge spook at B and did two tempe changes on the canter circle to the left.  She accepted every aid as a call to for aires above ground.  We finished cantering down the center line into a nice square halt (got an 8). 

The Judge mentioned that she really wanted to be doing 4th level dressage...  And scored us with a generous 35.5.

Sugar's Twenty-Something-Friend (TSF) was our compatriot and competing her fabulous Youngster at Training level.  Her times were early and tight.  Here is where I confess...  Anxiety was once again my unwelcome guest.  I so want to be the kind of Eventing Friend that you want to travel with and not a whiny/needy/weeny rider...  (A girl has to have goals.)  I did not want to fall apart in a heap of self misery and loathing.    So I took Dressage Trainer's advice, "do one task at a time, keep moving" until it was my time to roll. 



2013 THF
Photo used w/ permission
www.connecticutphoto.com
 

Anxiety sucks.... there I said it!  What folks don't hear is the ranting going on in my head....  (I'm done!, I can't do this!, This is too hard!  What if Sugar jumps the brush (7a) and then sees the oxer (7b) and spins me off in a spook?... blah, blah, blah!) 

And when we approached the oxer with the box underneath it in the warmup, Sug spooked and dumped me.  Well, that's my version.  Sug's TSF's version is that she did spook, I leaned and stopped riding and dismounted ungracefully.  "Now do it again!"

Stadium Jumping - double clear!

In the XC warmup, Sug's TSF told me to go out on course, jump one jump and then look to the next.  If at any point, I felt we needed to retire, we could after jumping the next jump.  (Hmmmm)  And, added. ride your line and the combinations will come right where you want them to be...  just hold your line and ride her...  Don't push her either before or after the jump - just keep your leg on and allow the jump to happen.

5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1  Have a great ride!

It took 4 jumps before it felt that Sug was on fire...  She was game and goey but still questioned the possibility of a zombie apocolypse beginning with each approaching jump.  As long as I stayed in the game and encouraged her forward, she jumped (haybales, houses and barns)  At Fence 4, we had a slight discussion about the reality of zombies.  I kept my leg on her and instead of spooking and spinning, she drifted right and I took out the flag... 


Wish I could say I was fist pumping at the finish...
just fixing the helmet!
Photo by Polly Phillips

And, we were off...  no discussions, no spooks... just gallop and jump.  When we came up to my nightmare fence, I trusted the experience of Sug's TSF, held our line... trusting and still riding.  Sugar jumped the brush up and through me (like a flower opening) hit the ground and galloped to the oxer like a PRO.  When we landed, she pulled...  I said loudly for her to hear...  "Girl, if you want to gallop, you just go ahead!  Run like the wind because nothing will be better than that for me!"

Finished clear with .4 speed faults...  Reverse the Curse!  Check!

There is nothing better than running xc clean and fast.  And, every time I do it, I know I can do it.  The nerves fall away, the mind clears and it is just Sugar and I... 

Let me repeat - Nothing will be better than that for me!

LIKE A BIG RED BALLOON...

Anxiety is like a balloon...  If you fill it, it will eventually break if the pressure isn't released.  Sometimes it explodes into tiny bits and sometimes it lies wilted like an exhausted being.  Neither is good... 

Sigh, despite everything I've done, my anxiety is back. 

You see, while competing at Millbrook was awesome, the experience  brought flashbacks to my disastrous Groton House experience.  I think it was the bigness of the event, the fact that it was a dream event for me, just like Groton House.  I kept seeing my happiness at finally being there end at the base of a tree.

So, the balloon filled all day in preparation for my 4:18pm cross country run.  I meditated, practiced TFT, called in my spirit guides, practiced all the tips that my Stressless Riding Camp gave me and I still filled that damn balloon. 

It reached its peak just as the storm broke loose.  After stretching the balloon to its breaking point, the organizers called it a day.  I withdrew so Sugar could continue on as my niece's horse during her last two weeks working her eventing camp.   I never did get to release the anxiety keeping that balloon tight and explosive.

Three weeks later, I needed to gallop over some terrain and jump some XC jumps to prep for Town Hill Horse Trials.  So, I entered a 2-Phase - Dressage and a Derby Cross.  Perfect, I thought!  Kills three birds with one stone and it was a Schooling Show!  I could practice my, "Who cares!  I'm just schooling for Town Hill!" (said with a haughty/superior tone).

What Sug thinks we're jumping and how I look jumping her
Photoshopped by Bestest Eventing Buddy

Did I mention my anxiety was back?  Full tilt, dread!  Yup, it was back!  And I really couldn't believe I felt that way...  It was a SCHOOLING SHOW!  It didn't count!  No one cared!  But that balloon came taut and I kept shoving more anxiety into it. 

{{{I was quitting!  Never going to do this again!, I can be a dressage queen!  That's fine!  I don't need to torture myself!  I'll scratch Town Hill, GMHA and ESDCTA...  I will not do this anymore!  Nothing is worth this!}}}}

My Bestest Eventing Buddy was competing her finished-rehab-and-newly-returned-to-eventing pony also as a prep for Town Hill Horse Trials.  She called over from her trailer that she would try to come back and warm me up for XC.  I told her if it didn't work out, I'll be fine...  "It was just a SCHOOLING SHOW."

She came back and went to work kicking my brain back into working.  She knows the fine line between babying/supporting and giving me a good swift kick in the butt...  For that I am grateful.  "Keep your hands low because when you don't, you look like you're riding a jet ski over a whale!"  Oh my!


How I will look again!
Photo used with permission
www.flatlandsfoto.com

And off we went...  Sug boldly going forward, then squiggling like she never saw a XC jump and then jumping when asked and boldly going...  repeating the sequence for almost every jump.  I do believe that I've finally become that girl...  chanting and talking through every jump... loudly...  ewwwww...  But my hands stayed low, we jumped da jumps and I felt whole again!

Finishing that XC course was the release that needed to happen allowing that taut balloon to empty itself of all the anxiety of two shows.   All was right in our world again.  I felt competent again.

I'm praying that my GMHA experience was not a fluke and that I will be riding that ride again at Town Hill this weekend.  Where FUN is actually fun and not an acronym (F***k U Nerves) but an actually feeling I experience in the moment and not just on the drive home!

MILLBROOK MEANDERINGS

"Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more."  Wizard of Oz 1939

Yeah..  you kind of feel that way when the great Bruce Davidson Sr (Olympic Gold and Silver (2) Medalist) apologizes for "scaring" your precious lil' pinto pony!   And, I graciously brushed away the apology and said, "Thanks, but in this state all she needed was the tiniest little cough to get the same reaction."  And, I kid you not, I blushed!

Doug Payne 2013 Millbrook

Millbrook Horse Trials - the biggest, most celebrity filled (eventing types that is) and spectacularly beautiful event in Area 1 finished today.  Sugar and I were there amongst the 500+ entrants and we were in awe!

Actually, I believed that Sugar loved her accommodations and enjoyed hanging out at the barn with her barn mates and gossiping with the Upper Level Horses from VA stabled behind us.  She could barely contain her eagerness to return and often tried to encourage me to hurry up and finish our tasks.

 (Shhhh, have I told you how white she is?  How pretty she is?  Have I?)

The sky is magnificent over the rolling hills.

My first thought on the very first night just before the first day of competition was, "Oh my!  This is the most atmosphere we've competed in since Groton House in 2011." 

Ok, you folks in Area II and Area III are so used to it that you probably don't even notice Philip Dutton, Boyd Martin or Buck Davidson warming up in the ring beside you.  For me, it was a first.  I won't lie.  I wanted a picture of us warming up alongside a member of the US Equestrian Team... Yes I did!

Alas, what I learned pretty quickly is that in order to be a member of the US Equestrian Team one generally is very focused and that big flash of white whipping herself into a frenzy is just another breeze in an otherwise quiet day.   It left me thinking...  "Could I find my inner USET focus?"

A past DQ moment

Our Dressage was tight and spooky - a 45.5 (24 out of 26).  Honestly, I wanted it to be all about Sugar's need to go back to the barn, that she should be used to seeing dressage cones and that although, the judge can be intimidating, the judge's box isn't.   (You see, I too would like to be a princess diva.)

And, this is why one has coaching at the event to humble (or balance) the ego.  Said Eventing Trainer to OBN competitor, "Well, you really didn't give her enough time to warm up and, when they called your number, you panicked and rushed to the ring so any calm you brought into the warmup really was blown away by the time you got to the ring." 

{{{{Note to self - remembering the time posted 2 days before the event instead of the time on your packet is not efficient...  12:42 and 12:24 are not the same.}}}

The terrain and corresponding views are gorgeous!

Here's another tip...  Even if the Omnibus says that the BN course is "just" 2'6" and mentions that terrain is a factor at all levels, please do not pooh pooh the course until you walk it. 

Millbrook Horse Trials is all about undulating terrain and every jump incorporates the hills into the question.  The only "scary" jump for us was Fence 2 but the "scary" factor is minimized because it lines up directly on the path back to the barn.  If you're curious, check out the virtual course walk. 

Fence 8 was my...  hmmmm... fence.  The virtual course walk does not give justice to what it looked like...  You rode down into a gully and then straight up to a 1/2 ledge and then the jump.   The Eventing Trainer advised me to keep my hands low and push Sug up into the bridle with active leg and wait for the jump (do not push for a long one).  I kept thinking...  uh, ok... whatever that means, I hope it works.

Lots to look at in SJ

We never did get to run the course.  I was dressed and ready to head out to XC warmup when a furious thunder and lightening monsoon rolled in.   After waiting it out with all my peeps in an iron framed temporary tent stabling on a hill, XC was postponed til Sunday.  Sugar was leaving for NJ to be my niece's horse for the last week of camp at her barn and the shipper couldn't rearrange their schedule to stay the extra day.

But we still had Stadium to do...  And the course was filled with things, pretty things and surrounded by tents, bleachers and folks watching pretty ponies doing their jumping thing.  I kept thinking... "Must find my inner USET rider... focus, FOCUS, GET OVER EACH JUMP!"

Coming into a serious hairnet FAIL!

I was given the ok to say whatever I needed to do to get my spooky mare to jump the jumps.   Apparently, my commentary was "funny" even if I can't remember any of it.  Although when my little girl spooked at the second jump in the line and tried to spin, I caught her at the spin, backed her up and jumped the jump while saying "Really?, Really? Just jump the jump!"

Four faults for the refusal and 4 time faults kept us in 24th place.  If we had gone double clear in XC we would have finished in 14th place.

Riding the wild thing!

I wish I could say that I was anxiety free and eager to have FUN but that wasn't the case here.  I think the biggness of the show, the fact that it was a destination event and one of my dream events put flash backs to my Groton House failure in the forefront of my mind.  Yet, despite those memories crowding all the healthy practices, I still functioned reasonably well.  'Cause once I was geared up to go XC, I was ready to make it happen.

Next year... yeah, next year... that's the ticket!

THE MAKING OF AN EVENTER

We have a sport filled with tradition making it so very different from all others.  There is a sense of adventure, camaraderie with our fellows and above all, love for our partner horses.  Our horses may be fancy or not...  it doesn't matter since the work together balances it all out.  There is also bit of agelessness* that equalizes us all - we are one when we event.

Marching to their lessons....

I also believe that there might be a little bit of masochism thrown in to all that good cheer and fun.  Name a sport that demands grace and precision one day, speed and bravery on another and then, asking to finish with grace, boldness and athleticism.  Oh, yes there are sports that offer all of that but those sports do not require a partnership between human and animal.

And, we do this, not for the lavish prizes, money or even for the piece of polyester that marks an achievement, but for the challenge, the accomplishment and the true partnership between horse and rider all alone getting it done.

Are Eventers born or taught?  Hmmm, that is a question I've always wondered about and at the GMHA's Junior Horsmanship Clinic, I believe I saw true Eventers being born. 

These campers and their horses spend 10 days attending two mounted sessions and two unmounted horsemanship lectures each day while attending to their horses.  The focus is on eventing -
Dressage, Stadium Jumping and Cross Country lessons are provided to every participant - ditches, rolltops, trakenhers, "peasant" feeders, water crossings, up/down banks - ride-critique-ride dressage lessons...  everything all taylored to the level of the camper and horse.  It is the longest "event" ever.

B Roadside in a VT rainshower

The Instructors and Barn Managers were selected for their experience and, assigned groups based on that expertise.  There was a barn of young newbies that needed the strength and organization of someone who taught or worked in a riding school program.  I believe, as a Barn Manager (and Master/Old), I was assigned the 14-17 year olds because of my age... 

No one cared more for these campers than the Camp Staff.  Each day we talked about which kid/horse needed what and how to make the experience successful and educational.  Instructors talked to the Barn Managers about what happened and each offered suggestions for the next lesson or day.  We were a team really dedicated to pass on the tradition of eventing that we loved so much.

Neat and tidy stabling

I have a million stories, some will be told, others will fade and others, will remain anonymous.

Are Eventers born or taught? 

The evidence that, while some are born Eventers, the tradition can be taught came to light at the schooling horse trial.  It was the only day I got to see "my kids" ride. 

One girl had a talented but naughty pony.  She rode him well but as an opinionated pony can be, he kept running away after he landed a perfect stadium jump.  Having been taught to circle to slow him down and she got eliminated for doing too many circles in the wrong spots.  Her tears of disappointment ran down her face when she was told she could not go on to XC. 

5:30 am rides were heavenly!

An older girl came up to her, put her arm around her and said, "Welcome to the club, I got eliminated too."  And, another barnmate said, "Yup, me too!  I forgot a jump!"  And a third said, "Hey we should celebrate...  I fell off!  We rock!"  And, the tears turned to laughter and the desire to do it again (this time at a trot) superceded any thought of quitting.

That was my best day at camp.  There is nothing better than to talk to someone after XC, to listen to their story and to see the joy of the adventure - ribbon or not!

We are all alike, no matter what the age*...  Huge kudos for the staff at GMHA's Junior Horsemanship Camp for keeping our traditions alive and putting a new generation of eventers on the right path! 

*One wise young camper explained the "age gap" to me...  "Adults put too much emotion into it.  We care but more technically and not so emotionally."  I believe she might be right!

FUN TIMES NAMED

Shhh, I know that Judi Rossi's Four Rules of Eventing are specific:

1. Leave Together, Come Back Together
2. Don't Scare the Spectators
3. There is No Crying in Eventing
4. Nobody Cares on Monday

Hmmmm, do you think anyone cares on Thursday?  I followed all Four Rules at GMHA's Spring Horse Trials this weekend and I still am bubbling with joy.  You see, we completed AND I had fun before, during and afterwards!  For some of you, that's a given... for me, it's rare and sporadic.

www.connecticutphotos.com

Almost three years ago at Groton House Farms, I looked right when I should've looked left and hit a tree.   (If you wanted to catch up with the "gory" details read Landmarks vs Obstacles.)  It's been a long trek to find the joy "in the moment" again.  

 

This weekend was spectacular in its normalcy - normal preparation and normal nerves.  My big goal?  I wanted to want to do this without the paralyzing dread and self loathing that comes with my fear and anxiety.

 

www.yokinasphotos.com

Sugar was herself - beautiful, athletic and powerful.  Our warmups are worth the price of admission.  One local trainer even asked me if we were doing the Grand Prix Freestyle test when my lil' pinto pony burst into one tempe changes and a capriolle.  Our test was tight, relatively spook free and with only one expression of upper level dressage.  We ended with a 40.5 in third place.

 

The Stadium course was a "sea of jumps" complete with gates and a brick wall.  Our course walk started a mere hour before my start time and I was impatient/antsy to move along.  This is where I missed the coolness of the Bestest Eventing Buddy.  She managed time like she was running NYC's mass transit system.

 Like a child at her first show, I ran back to the barn to get ready and arrived in the warm up 45 minutes early.  And like a kid in "time-out", the Eventing Trainer sent me back to the barn to chill out...  Ooops!

 

When I returned, the Eventing Trainer hadn't arrived so I warmed up with our lessons in my head.  Sug jumped a square oxer like she was on a Grand Prix jump course.  I wanted to finish on that but could hear Eventing Trainer's words, "Do it again and make her wait!"  (I had my big girl panties on.)

Last year, I had a serious and embarrassing meltdown... so bad that the Eventing Trainer had to talk me off the ledge and into the ring.  This year, I went into the arena and rode the best SJ course I've had in years...  no grimacing and, my Grrrr was a soft confident "Good Girl!"  Double Clear and in second place.

My Cross Country time was at 8:04am...  Now the Training Level riders and above have the early morning rides down to a science.  Us Beginner Novice and Novice riders usually have plenty of time to obsess about our courses.  My 8:04am time meant no coffee...  And, if you even know me a little bit, you know that my morning coffee is like methadone to a recovering addict.  I don't just want it, I NEED IT!

www.flatlandsfoto.com

Best advice of the day - "Today you don't need to worry about Sugar jumping.  She's going to jump everything you put her at with your leg on.  You have to ride everything else like a jump because she is going to spook at everything else."

So, for the record.... My apologies to all the spectators, officials and jump judges that heard me call my beautiful lil' pinto pony a shithead at what might have appeared to be random places on the course.  If you heard me, it was because my lil' girl was propping and spooking while galloping...  a feat of great athleticism.

Happy, happy, joy, joy!

So we finished in 9th.  Lack of caffeine and a brain slow to react caused a runout...  Well, can you really call it a run out when the rider decides to stop a freight train to reposition her after a spook and ends up two feet to the left and in front of the jump?  I am sure that had I had that cup of coffee, I would have jumped that coop at an angle.  Sigh...

Seriously, who cares!  Yes, I want a nice ribbon... I really, really do!  In some respects, I really, really won because I had fun...  FUN, FUN, FUN!!!!  And the fun was in the moment!

{{{{Per my clinic with Daniel Stewart, FUN is both a feeling and an acronym - F*CK U Nerves!}}}
 

GOING LIVE!

I'm all a jumble trying to put this experience into words.  I was going to start off all "tales of season's past" and all that but it just doesn't fit.  So let me get to the point:

Sugar and I are in NJ for Christmas (Yes, I am the crazy single person who brings all of the animals home for the holidays - coming to a Lifetime Movie soon.)  She is enjoying the attention of my 15 year old niece (and I hope my niece is enjoying her.)

There is something amazing to be in the place where you grew up, to be able to share your horse with someone you love and then, take her foxhunting for the first time.  Ok, and it was absolutely fabulous for me to be able to hunt Sugar in territory where, as a young 20 sumthin, I played.  And, with an old school hunt club hunting live. 

Our hunt club is a drag hunt.  And, no...  the men are not dressed up in fancy clothes.  Wait, they are but in red hunting frocks not women's dresses.  Wait, what are frocks?  That sounds a lot like women's clothes.



ONBH Pack - Fall 2013

Phew, back to drag hunting.  Most of the foxhunting in Massachusetts is done by hunting drag, not live foxes.  Since our territory is not vast, and we are fighting suburban sprawl, laying drag (scent) allows the huntsman to direct the hounds away from danger (roads, homes, domestic animals).  The scent is laid to mimic a live hunt but, often the hounds run hard and the field is fast... lots of galloping.

Hunting live is unpredictable.  No one knows where a fox will show up and how fast and far they will run.  The Huntsman may have a good idea of where to send the hounds but nothing is guaranteed except, maybe a good time with like minded folk!

ONBH Pic, not this hunt!

We started off in pouring rain - "just like hunting in Ireland".  Our pack was twenty couple (40 hounds) with noses on the ground and tails wagging high over the winter fallow.  The Huntsman's voice called, "Find him!" as she led/followed them from field to covert.   Her Whips were like sentries, riding tall over on a hill to the right and another to the left of the pack moving quietly, ready to guide and direct.

It was a methodical ride as the pack hunted for the wile fox occasionally giving a yip, a bark as the scent grew stronger and quieted as it faded away.  The footing was slippery and the Fieldmaster was cautious and meticulous in following the pack.  It might have been boring if it weren't for the magnificent hound work and gorgeous views.

Then a huge white tailed doe burst from the woods and bounded, white tail flagging her way.  I gasped, just sure that the hounds would run riot after the deer.  Nothing...  these hounds knew that deer were not their prey and continued moving forward with nary a look.

Minutes later, the strike hound screamed that the fox was found and the pack tongued wildly as the chase ensued.  39 hounds in hot pursuit - a sight and sound to behold.  (Suzanne, I thought you said that 40 hounds went out....  Yes, I did but I believe this cute little black and tan was meandering somewhere else.)

Whip pic but not of this hunt.

Unfortunately, the view was cut short as the fox entered the swamp.  Oh, we could hear the pursuit for the hounds gave voice for all to hear.  We waited enjoying the beauty of a warm, rainy winter day and I was filled with the joy of being alive.

Did I miss the big gallops?  Just a little bit...  What I lost in speed and thrills, I gained in the most awesome hound work - sights, sounds and scents.  My only regret was that I have no pictures to share. 

Close your eyes, picture a hill painted dark orange, flecked in gold and brown.  There is a man, dressed in red riding a white horse.  He is standing at attention waiting for the Huntsman.  The sky behind him is gray with billowing charcoal clouds - breathtaking!

I am a lucky girl, INDEED!

LAUGH OR GET OFF - TALES OF OLD...

Photo used with permission
www.dexterpix.com

Shhhhh, don't tell anyone but I really do want to be Number 1!  I want to achieve a goal that makes me stand out in a crowd...  to be on a podium accepting an award for outstanding achievement!  Yes, I want to be that person!  Yay me!

This weekend at the University of New Hampshire's Fall Horse Trials, I finally could say that I was Number 1.  Sugar and I, through epic efforts on both of our parts had the highest dressage score of all 200+ competitors!  What was that number you say?  It was a 57.6 - a new record for both of us.

Facebook is a funny thing...  that record made my non-horsey friends/family so proud of my achievement.  {{{My mom even congratulated me.}}}  And you all...  well, you actually can picture what a 57.6 looks in Eventing Dressage?  My Bestest Eventing Buddy remarked that it was the most exciting dressage test she's every watched...  like a train wreck - she couldn't turn away!

Winning the warm up once again, my lil' Pinto Pony was supple, animated, athletic and graceful...  Did I mention how beautiful she is or told you how I keep her so white?   Then as if the parking meter ran out and red lights started flashing, my lil' girl began to say, "I don't wanna!"  Yet, with encouragement from my Eventing Trainer, "we got her brain back" and headed to Ring 1.



Used with permission
 www.flatlandsfoto.com

Our scores begin like a perfectly normal test...  5, 7, 6, 7, 5, 6 and then we got to the free walk.  It was at this moment her brain fried and she said, "I have had enough!  Take me back to my lover or I will do it for you!"  3, 1, 1, 3, 4, 5.  Numbers do not describe the lovely "airs-above-the-ground", her levade, the lovely piaffe as I encouraged her to move forward, the passage as she acquiesced to my "gentle" prodding and finally after agreeing that the canter movement was a requirement, she finished the canter doing clean one tempe changes until I "asked" for the trot.  The five was a pretty nice square halt... phew! 

I withdrew before XC after going clean in Stadium the next day.  It was a very hard decision and one I wonder about even today.  In all the leaping and bounding in dressage, I felt a burning in my lower back that persisted despite ALOT of advil.  As we were warming up, I knew I was holding my back still and very cautious.  Ultimately, the decision was made in an effort to preserve my growing confidence. 

It's Monday and yet again, I continue to break rules (Eventing Rule #4 - No one cares on Monday).  I'm still laughing at the whole thing. Sugar's antics were hysterical...   I guess its hard being a teenager particularly when a parent asks you to leave your boyfriend for an hour to do some work around the house. 

Excuse me, I have to run to the barn tonight before Sug runs out and gets a tattoo just to prove, "I'm not the boss of her!"

OH TO BE 13 AGAIN - GMHA HORSE TRIALS

I really don't think any of us want to be thirteen again...  you know, that awkward, hormonal stage of your life where your desires overwhelm, emotions consume and everything feels so serious...  Does he like me?  Oh no, he is soo cute and I think he likes me!  Is that a pimple? Oh my god, my life is ruined!  {{{Squirrel!}}}}

What "fun" looks like - not!

What do you do when it happens at a show?  You know...  a day where your desire overwhelms, emotions consume and everything is so serious...  I for one, thought... hmmm I have spent alot of time, money and resources at working on "curing" my anxiety and for what? Waterworks! 

SHORT STORY - tied for fifth after dressage with a 34.8 ("Nice horse"), tied for fourth after stadium jumping and second place after cross country finishing on my dressage score.  But what is an event if all you're left with are numbers?

I was ok with the RF at Town Hill and still feeling fabulous about our performance up to fence 13.  Then someone at the barn said, simply, after hearing my story, "Well, you know what the definition of insanity is, right?  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results..." 



Photo used with permission
www.connecticutphoto.com
Calm, yet determined at
Town Hill Horse Trials

That statement, like termites on wet wood, began to eat at me until all I had left was the image of Sug spinning me off and galloping away.  I was defeated... done.  To do any more eventing on Sugar was insane and I had to retire her from the sport.  And, when I could afford two horses, go back to competing.

 I told my Bestest Eventing Buddy (and anyone else that I saw) that I "reserved the right" to not do any of the jumping phases if I felt it was going to be hard.  I was resolved and sad - Sugar and I as a team were retiring.

At GMHA, I decided to at least do dressage.  Here, Sugar was so soft and rideable in the warm up until she envoked her inner Mariah Carey by leaping and spinning into an amazing diva fit at the canter.  I got angry and wanted to do battle but I heard my trainer's voice to "bring her to a walk, get her brain back and then go back to the canter". 

It worked until another MC explosion and we did the equine equivalent of trying to figure out what Ms Sugar wanted...  "Excuse me Ms Carey, shall we ask the cute bay mare to move away? Or shall we sing your praises and scratch your wither?  "Doth the gray gelding with the big gaits disturb you?  Please, what is it that you want Madame?"  The rest of the warmup was geared to soothing the savage beast.

She was surprisingly rideable for the test.... nothing brilliant but enough 6's and 7's to be in the mid thirties.  I'll take it!

Stadium was at 4:18 and my mindset was detiorating.  "I will do this last SJ round and we are done! I will not do XC tomorrow.  This is it!  She is retired from eventing after this."   I walked the course twice and watched about 15 rides.  I was good to go and ready for the final round. 

What? A new ring and course?

One of the "funniest" things to watch is the faces of folks in the warm up when we find out that they switched rings on us and changed the course.  It was like a dam broke or someone kicked up a hornets nest...  the frenzy built and we all were rushing the ring like a fire broke out behind us.

Here is where I want to tell you that all the work I'm doing really paid off and that this little change was handled in stride and I stepped up to the plate like a pro.  Sigh...  not my story...  I crashed and burned like the 13 year old who just found out that he really didn't like her... 

I lost it!  I quit on the spot!  This was too much for my brain to handle!  "I am done!  I can not do this!  I am done!"  Tears, apologies to my trainer, more tears, gulping air, more tears and more apologies to my trainer.  "I can't handle this."

Apparently, I was just the third or fourth adult rider of hers that day with a breakdown.  So, with skill and I'm sure practice, she got me into the ring.  She told me that I could quit, no one would think me strange but why don't I act like she was teaching me a lesson and just do the course without walking it.  Just go in and ride Sugar like I did at Town Hill.  I sniffled, wiped my nose on my coat and gulped, "OK, but I'm not going XC tomorrow."

On our way home... Fence 13

I rode my spooky horse over jumps neither of us got to preview and we went clean.  The commentary was interesting - no cursing but alot of "Suuuuu gerrrrrrr, you will jump this!"  "Sugar, jump!" I am proud to say that I did not utter one curse word.

"Ok, I will ride Cross Country tomorrow but I reserve the right to retire her on course if she gives me one problem." 

Quick thing about the XC Course Walk with the Eventing Trainer...  At one point, I asked her which line to take coming out of the woods to fence 4 - this one which is slightly off set but I can do a bending line or this one which is very narrow that has me straight...  NEITHER, get out of the woods and ride it this way.  Her words of advice, "Don't do anything fancy...  just get straight at the jump and jump it." 

What?  Me, Quirky?

So over the weekend, Mariah Carey (aka Sugar) fell in love with her stall mate and traveling companion - The Fat One.  Her 13 year old experience was a hook up in the trailer and her parent keeping her away from illicit encounters.  He screamed his love for her as I warmed up and for every cry from his lips, she bounded upward in an exasperated attempt to return to their weekend hideaway.

5-4-3-2-1 HAVE A GREAT RIDE.  And as if a starting gate clanged open, Sugar was in a race to get back to TFO.  She wanted to spook but I kept riding her evenly and with energetic leg and she jumped.  This horse was on FIRE!  And as long as I stayed in the middle and "encouraged" her to go over the jump, she jumped.

You know, we both love a good gallop so I didn't nag or fight her most of the way.  Yet, twice I had to trot her to get some measure of attention...  going at Training speed is fine at Novice but at BN - not so much! And at one point, we blew by a tight turn.  I stopped her turned her around like a lady and cantered politely over jump.   

I did make one apology to the jump judge at fence 6 for screaming "SUGAR - JUST JUMP THE JUMP!".  This violation of The Four Rules of Eventing (Don't scare the spectators!) was about volume (thank god)!



Wooo hooo! Stayed in the tack
 all the way to the barn

And as I approached the final jump, I remembered a comment my Eventing Trainer said on our Course Walk...  "Keep the eye on the prize!"  And that statement carried us over the final jump.

And although I reserve the right to scratch my final event of the season and retire Sugar from eventing, we are scheduled to compete at UNH Fall Horse Trials in two weeks...  I just hope I age a bit more... maybe 26 is a good age - smart, cocky and unafraid...  hmmmm!

EVENTING GODS MUST BE CRAZY!

Have you ever had one of those days where you wonder...  What are the Eventing Gods trying to tell me?   What do these signs mean?  Getting ready for Stoneleigh Burnham Horse Trials was WAY TOO HARD and I must scratch!

Not me riding but a recent pic
used with permission www.flatlandsfoto.com

Well that was my Friday... knee deep in work on my day off but playing it cool... As long as this project is done by 3 I'll have 3 hours before my pre-show jumping lesson to clean tack and prepare the horse trailer...  I was cool and collected 'cause I was planning on an easy prep.

And then it began to unravel... truck tire had a big construction spike embedded deeply in the tread.  It was 5 o'clock on a Friday, where would I get a replacement?  And will I have time to do a pre-show jump school (the first I've had in two weeks) with my Dressage Trainer (former eventer)?  And when will I have time to clean tack, whiten the very muddy, manure stained horse, braid, pack the trailer and not be exhausted?

Should I scratch or go?  What is the message here?  I AM NOT READY! 

Then Sug's Twenty Something Friend responded to my frantic text by reminding me to search out the truth in the story!  OK, if they can get the truck on the road and I can get a jumping lesson in, then I'll go even if her tack is filthy.  Then Sug's Red Headed Friend texted me to say that she would help me get ready to even out her caffeine buzz. 

Friends helped make it happen

And so...  GAME ON!

I wish I could tell you that all the work I've done made this show a piece of cake and that I rode like a pure pro - confident and powerful with just the nervousness of a competitor.  Yeah... that is not my story.  My story is of the demons that showed up, threatened to swallow any ounce of grrrrr I had and wanted to make the day their own. 

One of the key lessons was remembering to breathe... big, full yoga breaths every time anxiety released the demons and I calmed.  Focus on one thing, keep it simple and then move to the next.  Find the truth in the story and delete everything that isn't useful!

Dressage was the most relaxed test we've ever had.  She was obedient, agreeable and had only one hint of a spook.  I focused on those yoga breaths and imagined breathing through the tension.  It was not a brilliant test  but it made me happy - 32.9.

The warm up for Stadium Jumping was not spectacular...  I wondered, is Sugar sound?  Is she ok?  I feel awkward in the saddle?  Is something wrong?  God bless my Eventing Trainer!  We crashed through an oxer... obliterated the jump.  I wanted to focus on the that that we never did that before and of course something was wrong.  She said, calmly focused, "now do that again, this time less frantic and let her feel open and free (use the jump strap/keep hands low)."

As I waited my turn, she said to me, "Have fun!  You know, Sugar really is fun to jump!  Enjoy that with her!  Stay focused, jump one jump at a time and tell her to jump for you... and breathe!"  And, I tapped her as we approached the dreaded gate (jump 1) and breathed in rhythm to her stride.  (Note, I was not having a heart or asthma attack, I was breathing... just breathing!)   It was a very nice round.

Ahhhh...  cross country...  Did I mention that the last time I went Cross Country was in September 2012.   We left the box, Sugar breathing fire...  jumping every jump and spooking at everything else!  At one galloping lane I felt like we were skiing - swish, swish from side to side - leaping over the shadows into the dark woods. 

Used with permission www.flatlandsfoto.com

For the first time in almost a year, I felt free!  And I felt like Sugar and I were a team again!  I kept my hands low and used my body to "slow" her (although my body hurts in places that may make that statement a lie, just sayin!).

The very last jump almost did me in.  You see, she lost her right front shoe before fence 7 and began jumping hard to the left... (she generally fades to the right)...  When we got to the last fence, it appeared that she was going to spook and spin (story), I began to jump for her (oops)...  she hesitated and then jumped...  I righted myself (thanks Saddletite) and we galloped through the finish line.

My Lil' Pinto Pony saved me!  And I did not quit on her!  We ended up in third place!  You know, that ribbon is nice. I will not lie but completing with a smile on my face and loving my horse was worth more than any piece of polyester ever...  EVER!




This song came on the radio as I drove the last few miles towards the Horse Trial... listen to the lyrics!  So many helped get me there...  and words can not express my gratitude!  Thanks!

THERE BE DEMONS!

Sigh...  A girls gotta tell a tale and that means a tale's gotta be told even if the tale is one she'd rather left untold...  just sayin,!  You see, this girl's got some demons and they do not make her feel pretty... 

Pretty is as pretty does...

"What", you say? " Demons?  Of course you have demons, 2/3rds of your writings have something sneaking about, so we know all about them..."

Fair enough!  {{{{Hmmmm, the Bestest Eventing Buddy did say that I am a bit too honest and should reveal less.... Hmmmm....}}}  .

Sugar and I just returned from our very own, very intimate Stressless Riding intensive.  No, you won't find a clinic description on the Stressless Riding website.  I applied and was awarded the  Area 1 Adult Riders scholarship that allowed me to design a clinic to help cope with the demons blocking our eventing future.  The application/details were documented in my earlier blog titled Winning!.

Day 1
The day to tell your tale, of what happened, what's been done, what's still going on and why it's feels so important.  We sat at a picnic table in the bright sun and I talked.  Andrea Waldo, with the wisdom of a therapist (and a Wise Woman), allowed me to go on and confess my fears - what people thought of me, what people would think of me, of being embarrassed, of being humiliated, of being abandoned by my trainers who might not want to teach such a "wimpy rider" and of never doing this again.  It was never about getting hurt...  fascinating!

Her advice was so simple - Notice your Story!  Question it!  Delete anything that isn't useful.

 So, what does that mean?  A story is something that hasn't happened yet.  It holds no truth because it is not in the moment.  My stories come fast and furious and most are not blog worthy... 

• Sugar spooks at gates, lattice, green roll tops, barrels, anything with a pattern and so on...
• Oh shoot, Sugar is running like an idiot in the paddock, she'll be lame, she is going to be so wound up that she'll be awful to ride...
• My knee is aching, I'll never be able to ride well enough to jump

All of those came up and every single one of them was a story - The only truths that existed were that Sugar hadn't spooked yet, she was running in her paddock and my knee was aching AND nothing else was true!  DELETE everything but the truth.  Wow, that frees up a lot of space in my head.

And then we jumped. 

Gotta luf a hound!

Was it releasing all my pent up anxiety, emotion and fear that gave me a calmness that I haven't felt since I hit the tree?  I'm not sure but it felt glorious to jump my lil' Pinto Pony that afternoon, in a new place, with a new instructor after crying...  It felt glorious!

Day 2
Ah, revisiting my "Stories" and deleting all but the truth.  And that included the fret and worry about Sugar's paddock issues, embarrassment over sharing so much and worry that it would all go wrong.  Instead, I stuck with the truth.   I came to ride, jump and share all those thoughts that come hard and often...  The truth.

Ride your horse, make a statement, breathe deeply after every spook/every jump/every correction and stay calmly focused.

 And we jumped. 

Breathing deeply was the hardest of all tasks, even requiring me to ask Andrea to remind me to do so.  You could feel Sugar breathe and relax when I took a calming breath.  My two beat mantra, "Rhythm and Flow" went from a harsh demand to a soft song.  I felt powerful and it was good... until I hit dirt.

You see, I felt so confident, that I decided, without much thought, to throw in another jump.  I had no plan and realized as I approached the jump, that I didn't know where we were going, which way we needed to turn to avoid the jump poles in our path (ok, 5 strides away) and ...  and so on.  Sugar kept coming and I kept thinking until at the very last moment, I realized I had to do something.  Sigh, that something was...  um... leaning up her neck and trying to jump for her..  oops!

A Family Trip?

Andrea thought this was a great opportunity to work through the "What happens when you fall and dealing with its aftermath" issues.

Ride your horse, have a plan and with a horse like Sugar, focus on one thing - jumping the jump and clear your mind of everything else.

Day 3
My Stories started early that morning.  My back was sore from the fall and I was sure I wouldn't be able to finish the clinic.  Then I realized - Story.  And I deleted all but the facts -  I was tired and my back was sore. 

And we jumped.

Today did not feel powerful.  Sugar was conservative jumping and I felt weak.  It wasn't ugly or bad. It just wasn't great.  Andrea had us jump around a bit with a few things new.  When Sug rushed the square oxer, I wanted to be done.  I had enough and my anxiety was climbing.  I wanted to be done.

So, I asked Andrea if we could be done.  (If you are my trainer reading this, you know this is not new).  Andrea said we could stop but wanted me to express what was going on.  The conversation went like this:

Me - "I'm tired and I want to quit before it gets worse."

Andrea - "What does that mean to you?"

Calmly Focused

Me - "I want to end on a good note and whenever I push myself (or be pushed), it always ends with me getting hurt and it never ends well."

Andrea - "Is that story or is it true?"

Me - "It always happens that way."  {{{pause, breath, pause}}}  "Ok, when I broke my wrist, that was the first day." {{{Pause}}} "And my ankle was at the beginning and it was a spook. And the other ankle injury was in the middle of a great lesson.  And the tree was at the beginning of the course.  {{{laugh}}} You're right, it's a story and not true."

Andrea - "If you quit when your anxiety level went up, you teach your mind and body that the only release is to quit.  Anxiety will only heighten.  What is one thing you can do to be successful?"

Me - "I could do that line."

Andrea - "That's a forward two or a calm three.  Today you and Sugar are doing it in 2.5, could you make a plan to do it in 2 or 3?"

Me - "I can do it in 3."

And we jumped... 3 perfect strides calmly focused on a pleasant pony.  And I smiled.  I totally understood exactly what she meant and why it was so important not to quit "while ahead" when our anxiety was shooting upward.

I could go on with the lessons I learned and maybe will in another post.  For now, you've either thought, "Hey, good stuff!" or, well...  you aren't even reading this line.  This clinic was a powerful learning tool for me.  I was able to talk about my issues, in the moment and have a professional who is also an instructor question my reality at the moment it happened.  Truly a powerful experience.

Demons exist in the stories we tell ourselves...  The purpose of this clinic was to reach into the places they dwell and expose them to the light.  Huge thanks to Andrea Waldo for having the tools to help exorcise them.