GOING UPTA CAMP!

Picture this...  It's 5:30am and the sun is starting to rise over Vermont's Green Mountains.  I grab a quick cup of coffee and set off down to the barns.  Da Boys are trotting next to me eager for the day's adventure.  Sugar greets me with a welcoming nicker knowing that we are going to watch the sunrise on our morning hack.

Later, after my second cup of steaming joe and a light breakfast, I head back to the barns to greet the arriving campers.  "Good morning children!  It's going to be a great day!"  Everyone scurries about joyfully taking care of their ponies and loving all the work to keep them well! 

The day just keeps getting better.  The sun is warm, the air is dry and the kids are off to their first mounted lesson.  I prepare for my class on grooming to win, preparing for the jog or perhaps equine first aid.  I finish the day with another great ride on a happy horse with da boys trailing about enjoying a dip or two in the stream.

Further north in VT but beautiful
much like GMHA

This fantasy sustains me!  For 12 days (7 work days), I will be in the land of no cell reception and little to no wifi = no work access at all!  And, just before I get lost in that dream, it occurs to me that, for the most part, I have a sedentary job accented by the physical nature of riding and walking the dogs.  I am so afraid that by Day Three, the Jersey Girl is going to surface and "Good morning children!"  might get a little... well, dark.

What I'll look like at the
end of the day!

Shhhh, I can not wait!  I've been a Girl Scout Leader, a basketball coach for 10 - 13 year olds.  I love it...  I love working with kids.  And, to be working with kids with their horses AND having mine there too is a priceless gift...  need I say, a dream come true! 

And, I would not be me if I didn't confess that I am a little worried.  What if I hate it?  What if the kids hate me?  What if I'm so exhausted that I don't want to ride Sugar or walk da boys?  What if I can't get coffee?  What if...

You know, I recognize that it's my nature...  Just like when I enter the ring, when I get to GMHA that first day, I will not only be ok, but I will have the time of my life!

Let the games begin!

FUN TIMES NAMED

Shhh, I know that Judi Rossi's Four Rules of Eventing are specific:

1. Leave Together, Come Back Together
2. Don't Scare the Spectators
3. There is No Crying in Eventing
4. Nobody Cares on Monday

Hmmmm, do you think anyone cares on Thursday?  I followed all Four Rules at GMHA's Spring Horse Trials this weekend and I still am bubbling with joy.  You see, we completed AND I had fun before, during and afterwards!  For some of you, that's a given... for me, it's rare and sporadic.

www.connecticutphotos.com

Almost three years ago at Groton House Farms, I looked right when I should've looked left and hit a tree.   (If you wanted to catch up with the "gory" details read Landmarks vs Obstacles.)  It's been a long trek to find the joy "in the moment" again.  

 

This weekend was spectacular in its normalcy - normal preparation and normal nerves.  My big goal?  I wanted to want to do this without the paralyzing dread and self loathing that comes with my fear and anxiety.

 

www.yokinasphotos.com

Sugar was herself - beautiful, athletic and powerful.  Our warmups are worth the price of admission.  One local trainer even asked me if we were doing the Grand Prix Freestyle test when my lil' pinto pony burst into one tempe changes and a capriolle.  Our test was tight, relatively spook free and with only one expression of upper level dressage.  We ended with a 40.5 in third place.

 

The Stadium course was a "sea of jumps" complete with gates and a brick wall.  Our course walk started a mere hour before my start time and I was impatient/antsy to move along.  This is where I missed the coolness of the Bestest Eventing Buddy.  She managed time like she was running NYC's mass transit system.

 Like a child at her first show, I ran back to the barn to get ready and arrived in the warm up 45 minutes early.  And like a kid in "time-out", the Eventing Trainer sent me back to the barn to chill out...  Ooops!

 

When I returned, the Eventing Trainer hadn't arrived so I warmed up with our lessons in my head.  Sug jumped a square oxer like she was on a Grand Prix jump course.  I wanted to finish on that but could hear Eventing Trainer's words, "Do it again and make her wait!"  (I had my big girl panties on.)

Last year, I had a serious and embarrassing meltdown... so bad that the Eventing Trainer had to talk me off the ledge and into the ring.  This year, I went into the arena and rode the best SJ course I've had in years...  no grimacing and, my Grrrr was a soft confident "Good Girl!"  Double Clear and in second place.

My Cross Country time was at 8:04am...  Now the Training Level riders and above have the early morning rides down to a science.  Us Beginner Novice and Novice riders usually have plenty of time to obsess about our courses.  My 8:04am time meant no coffee...  And, if you even know me a little bit, you know that my morning coffee is like methadone to a recovering addict.  I don't just want it, I NEED IT!

www.flatlandsfoto.com

Best advice of the day - "Today you don't need to worry about Sugar jumping.  She's going to jump everything you put her at with your leg on.  You have to ride everything else like a jump because she is going to spook at everything else."

So, for the record.... My apologies to all the spectators, officials and jump judges that heard me call my beautiful lil' pinto pony a shithead at what might have appeared to be random places on the course.  If you heard me, it was because my lil' girl was propping and spooking while galloping...  a feat of great athleticism.

Happy, happy, joy, joy!

So we finished in 9th.  Lack of caffeine and a brain slow to react caused a runout...  Well, can you really call it a run out when the rider decides to stop a freight train to reposition her after a spook and ends up two feet to the left and in front of the jump?  I am sure that had I had that cup of coffee, I would have jumped that coop at an angle.  Sigh...

Seriously, who cares!  Yes, I want a nice ribbon... I really, really do!  In some respects, I really, really won because I had fun...  FUN, FUN, FUN!!!!  And the fun was in the moment!

{{{{Per my clinic with Daniel Stewart, FUN is both a feeling and an acronym - F*CK U Nerves!}}}
 

OH TO BE 13 AGAIN - GMHA HORSE TRIALS

I really don't think any of us want to be thirteen again...  you know, that awkward, hormonal stage of your life where your desires overwhelm, emotions consume and everything feels so serious...  Does he like me?  Oh no, he is soo cute and I think he likes me!  Is that a pimple? Oh my god, my life is ruined!  {{{Squirrel!}}}}

What "fun" looks like - not!

What do you do when it happens at a show?  You know...  a day where your desire overwhelms, emotions consume and everything is so serious...  I for one, thought... hmmm I have spent alot of time, money and resources at working on "curing" my anxiety and for what? Waterworks! 

SHORT STORY - tied for fifth after dressage with a 34.8 ("Nice horse"), tied for fourth after stadium jumping and second place after cross country finishing on my dressage score.  But what is an event if all you're left with are numbers?

I was ok with the RF at Town Hill and still feeling fabulous about our performance up to fence 13.  Then someone at the barn said, simply, after hearing my story, "Well, you know what the definition of insanity is, right?  Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results..." 



Photo used with permission
www.connecticutphoto.com
Calm, yet determined at
Town Hill Horse Trials

That statement, like termites on wet wood, began to eat at me until all I had left was the image of Sug spinning me off and galloping away.  I was defeated... done.  To do any more eventing on Sugar was insane and I had to retire her from the sport.  And, when I could afford two horses, go back to competing.

 I told my Bestest Eventing Buddy (and anyone else that I saw) that I "reserved the right" to not do any of the jumping phases if I felt it was going to be hard.  I was resolved and sad - Sugar and I as a team were retiring.

At GMHA, I decided to at least do dressage.  Here, Sugar was so soft and rideable in the warm up until she envoked her inner Mariah Carey by leaping and spinning into an amazing diva fit at the canter.  I got angry and wanted to do battle but I heard my trainer's voice to "bring her to a walk, get her brain back and then go back to the canter". 

It worked until another MC explosion and we did the equine equivalent of trying to figure out what Ms Sugar wanted...  "Excuse me Ms Carey, shall we ask the cute bay mare to move away? Or shall we sing your praises and scratch your wither?  "Doth the gray gelding with the big gaits disturb you?  Please, what is it that you want Madame?"  The rest of the warmup was geared to soothing the savage beast.

She was surprisingly rideable for the test.... nothing brilliant but enough 6's and 7's to be in the mid thirties.  I'll take it!

Stadium was at 4:18 and my mindset was detiorating.  "I will do this last SJ round and we are done! I will not do XC tomorrow.  This is it!  She is retired from eventing after this."   I walked the course twice and watched about 15 rides.  I was good to go and ready for the final round. 

What? A new ring and course?

One of the "funniest" things to watch is the faces of folks in the warm up when we find out that they switched rings on us and changed the course.  It was like a dam broke or someone kicked up a hornets nest...  the frenzy built and we all were rushing the ring like a fire broke out behind us.

Here is where I want to tell you that all the work I'm doing really paid off and that this little change was handled in stride and I stepped up to the plate like a pro.  Sigh...  not my story...  I crashed and burned like the 13 year old who just found out that he really didn't like her... 

I lost it!  I quit on the spot!  This was too much for my brain to handle!  "I am done!  I can not do this!  I am done!"  Tears, apologies to my trainer, more tears, gulping air, more tears and more apologies to my trainer.  "I can't handle this."

Apparently, I was just the third or fourth adult rider of hers that day with a breakdown.  So, with skill and I'm sure practice, she got me into the ring.  She told me that I could quit, no one would think me strange but why don't I act like she was teaching me a lesson and just do the course without walking it.  Just go in and ride Sugar like I did at Town Hill.  I sniffled, wiped my nose on my coat and gulped, "OK, but I'm not going XC tomorrow."

On our way home... Fence 13

I rode my spooky horse over jumps neither of us got to preview and we went clean.  The commentary was interesting - no cursing but alot of "Suuuuu gerrrrrrr, you will jump this!"  "Sugar, jump!" I am proud to say that I did not utter one curse word.

"Ok, I will ride Cross Country tomorrow but I reserve the right to retire her on course if she gives me one problem." 

Quick thing about the XC Course Walk with the Eventing Trainer...  At one point, I asked her which line to take coming out of the woods to fence 4 - this one which is slightly off set but I can do a bending line or this one which is very narrow that has me straight...  NEITHER, get out of the woods and ride it this way.  Her words of advice, "Don't do anything fancy...  just get straight at the jump and jump it." 

What?  Me, Quirky?

So over the weekend, Mariah Carey (aka Sugar) fell in love with her stall mate and traveling companion - The Fat One.  Her 13 year old experience was a hook up in the trailer and her parent keeping her away from illicit encounters.  He screamed his love for her as I warmed up and for every cry from his lips, she bounded upward in an exasperated attempt to return to their weekend hideaway.

5-4-3-2-1 HAVE A GREAT RIDE.  And as if a starting gate clanged open, Sugar was in a race to get back to TFO.  She wanted to spook but I kept riding her evenly and with energetic leg and she jumped.  This horse was on FIRE!  And as long as I stayed in the middle and "encouraged" her to go over the jump, she jumped.

You know, we both love a good gallop so I didn't nag or fight her most of the way.  Yet, twice I had to trot her to get some measure of attention...  going at Training speed is fine at Novice but at BN - not so much! And at one point, we blew by a tight turn.  I stopped her turned her around like a lady and cantered politely over jump.   

I did make one apology to the jump judge at fence 6 for screaming "SUGAR - JUST JUMP THE JUMP!".  This violation of The Four Rules of Eventing (Don't scare the spectators!) was about volume (thank god)!



Wooo hooo! Stayed in the tack
 all the way to the barn

And as I approached the final jump, I remembered a comment my Eventing Trainer said on our Course Walk...  "Keep the eye on the prize!"  And that statement carried us over the final jump.

And although I reserve the right to scratch my final event of the season and retire Sugar from eventing, we are scheduled to compete at UNH Fall Horse Trials in two weeks...  I just hope I age a bit more... maybe 26 is a good age - smart, cocky and unafraid...  hmmmm!

LET THERE BE LIGHT!

And God said, "Let there be light: and there was light." 

GMHA- back field coming home... neither of my jumps

I so want to keep this as simple as possible but, then...  why have a blog?  So, we completed GMHA, did not fall off anywhere on or off the course AND for the first time since we hit the tree at Groton House Farm Horse Trials, Sugar and I had fire in our bellies!

 Watching Sugar in her stall, Friday night, did not give me confidence that this was going to be a good go for us.  In just a mere 3 hours, she managed to develop a deeply fulfilling and all important relationship with a young gelding.  This Cougar could not get enough of her young cabana boy.  She frantically called out her desire as we cruelly separated them in adjoining stalls.  And, as she playfully danced her dance of a love lost, I watched the thousands of dollars in maintenance care and depo shots disappear as she leaped, reared and kicked out her unrequited desire.

Photo used by permission
www.edfarm.com

Dressage was nice... steady and obedient... just one tiny spook.  Just a reminder to all my eventing friends...  immediately after completing one show, find out what dressage test you're doing at the next show.  'Cause, I was "surprised" that I had been doing Test A for months and Test B shows up for this show.  Ooops, sorry for that late transition and excuse me if our circles were cut a teensy weensy bit short.  Ended up 3rd with a 33.8.

Stadium Jumping  was decent.  GMHA, bless their hearts had heard of Sugar's dislike of the lattice, gate, roll top or any jump with stuff and plugged up every piece of the feared material with lovely soft flowers selected for their soothing colors.  We were forward, fast and clean with nary a spook or a discussion on the merits of leaping over colorful poles or boxes.  Double clear - still in 3rd place.

Ahhh, to be a Beginner Novice rider again...  XC was scheduled just minutes before the lights went off and the crowds went home...  3:56.  Wow, that is alot of time to carefully do your course walk for the third time, prepare for the ride home, read three novels, discover the key to world harmony AND to fine tune those nerves to a new level.

Town Hill Farms 9/12
Photo used with permission www.connecticutphoto.com

Ah yes, the Course Walk with the Event Trainer... When I compete without a coach, I walk the course with the Bestest Eventing Buddy and we invoke our inner Event Trainer - hearing her words and phrases as they relate to our horses.  Well, sometimes, they get a little garbled in self translations because as we walked, I told her what I thought and she tweaked it.  And, sometimes, it was a downright...  "OHHHHH, that makes more sense!" 

And the all time favorite -  "No matter what! Do not take Sugar for granted!  Ride her every step of the way!"

We left the start box as one, no nerves - just two bossy alpha mares going to work.  She had a tiny discussion at the blue house, a bigger question at the yellow house and, then like it had been for years, she was on fire!  She kept telling me to stop nagging her, she knows everything and the faster she ran, the sooner she could be near her lover.  Those things in her way....  "just let me at them, I gotta date in 4.06 minutes".  And, I mostly let her have her way as long as she acknowledged, "rider on board" when I gave her a tug or two.

So the "toughest" jump on the course was 8A (brush jump) and 8B (small coop) on a bending line back to the barn but away from the beautiful galloping hill in front of us.  On the course walk, we had a lovely chat about the rules and what I should do if she jumped big, I lost my stirrups, etc.  The plan - go up to the left and then come down to the coop... do not cross your line. 

Town Hill Farm
photo used with permission
www.connecticutphoto.com

• "But, ET? Could I not try to turn my handy, athletic mare in the air and make the "sharp" turn? 
• "Yes, you could if she was completely under you and you executed a plan.", said ET.

So let me remind everyone that just a mere four months ago and for most of the summer, I had no confidence... nada, nothing...  just making it ... barely as an eventer.

So, we come to 8A and I ask my lil' pinto pony to sit on her buttocks and come up under me as we come to the Brush Jump.  She gathered and I gave her just a little nudge with my spur and, um...  she exploded upward, hit the ground and galloped towards the hill in front of us...  And, as I made the motions to turn to the coop, I watched us pass it by.

{GOD this is a long one...  sorry}

Town Hill Farm
photo used with permission
www.connecticutphoto.com

Here's where a being a jump judge can be a little bit problematic.  I stopped Sugar and very carefully turned her so as to not cross our line, trotted the horse length's opening I thought I had to not cross my line and trotted the "normally scary" coop and galloped on.  That little bit of trying to beat the system probably cost me the time faults.

Photo used with permission
www.yokinaphotos.com

Leaping over the final house jump and crossing that finish line was the best fun ever.  I don't care about those 20 points...  We were awesome TOGETHER!  And, yes, I worry my Eventing Trainer some times when I get "cocky" and try more advanced techniques 'cause I think we can rather than just getting the job done.  It's a blast and I can not stop smiling!

Maybe it was the exhaustion from two nights of unresolved lust, maybe it was the reawakening of thousands of dollars in training, maybe it was the place or maybe, just maybe... we're both back... whole again!