WHEN DID CAN'T BECOME A REALITY?

Destiny has much to do with the direction we take, the attitude we assume and the desire to be accomplished.  A wise woman once told me, "Believe in something, see it as reality and it will come true."  If you put all of this together... success is just a lil' bit o'work.  Simple...  So, simple!   

The beautiful hills of Scarlet Hill Farm 

Although, I believe that I made the right decision at King Oak to withdraw after dressage, it was the wrong decision for my attitude.  You see, somehow, somewhere...  the word CAN'T has become my reality.  And, if that word is strongly swirling around in my psyche, then the harsh reality is that...  "I CAN'T" so why even try...

I am officially in a funk...  this isn't the funk of a body injured but of a mind that refuses to be controlled.  The word CAN'T strengthens with every sigh...

Yesterday was the traditional "XC Schooling Day Before Groton House Farm Horse Trials"...  Oh, It isn't really an official tradition but it happens every year at the same time even if it appears spontaneous.  And, it has that same feel - tension, excitement and joy preparing for a big Event.  


For me, I could've cried the whole time if it wasn't such a beautiful day filled with wonderful riders on a beautiful farm.  You see, I wasn't mounted, wasn't getting ready for GHF and wasn't sure I could ever do this again... happy, joyous and free.


It's been one year since I hit the tree at Groton House Farm Horse Trials...  It been a year and one week since I planned my move up to Training...  And, today I'm still lost... wondering how to make a come back.

Two weeks before GHF 6/11

Folks have been amazingly supportive and for that I'm grateful.  Working with my Professional Friend doing PTSD work has been great, yet I believe we've reached the end of helpfulness when the PF makes riding rather than brain suggestions.

My Bestest Eventing Buddy suggested that I stop being so honest since the result of such honesty has been strong, consistent and sometimes forceful suggestions that I sell Sugar and get something easier to ride.  And, Sugar isn't an easy ride... She is wonderfully complex... "quirky" said one clinician.

Yet for 3 years... three seasons, we rocked the jumping phases.  We may have been an Angry Mare in the warmup, spooked at everything in the dressage arena... but, that moment when I came off the XC course ... that moment crossing the finish line was worth every penny, every second, every struggle...  it was sheer heaven.

I had that for three years.... And, its just a little lost right now.

This blog is about a path...  Today I hear the word "CAN'T" and I chose not to accept it but to be honest about where I am today.  Maybe some of you have felt the same way... Maybe you have triumphed over the broken mind...  And, maybe, just maybe my honest and my path offers you something helpful...

So, unless I win the lottery, Sugar is mine.  You may want me with an easy ride, you may want me to sell her.  You may even think that I'm foolish for loving a horse over ease and safety.  (Trust me, I do love Sugar AND if I truly thought I was in danger, she would be gone... in a heart beat.)

Searching for the Can...

Whatever you think, right now...  I ask one thing and one thing only.  Believe in me.  Believe in Sugar and I as a team.  Support me and just as I must do for myself, remove the term CAN'T from your vocabulary.

Attitude is the great fortune teller.  If I believe I CAN'T, that will become my reality...  TODAY, I can.  And TOMORROW, I will.

  

EMBRACING THE BALANCE BEAM

Ah, that late afternoon large iced Dunkin slides effortlessly down my throat...  it's bittersweet taste and the cold rush reminds me that I am truly enjoying the nectar of the gods.  The caffeine is as intoxicating as its flavor...  it's going to be a long night and I hope for energy and stamina rather than shades of anxiety.

Work, work, work...  pays the bills, keeps my family in food and good health.  Sometimes when I leave the house and Da Boys look longingly through the bars of their crates, I remind them that "I work so you can play".  And then I remind myself when I can't ride Sugar for the third straight day that "Guilt is a wasted emotion."

I must confess, I have relapsed into Workaholism and somehow, misplaced the Balance Beam that keeps me happy and well.  And in the spirit of confession, Da Boys' and Sugar's needs are well taken care of...  Jonah and Chandler head off to their daily doggy play group and Sug's been dabbling with a young 20 something - the Redheaded Girl (RG). 

Ah, Balance...  A successful project could mean some release of financial burden and yet, holding off doing things one loves until the moment in time when it's done seems to be counter productive.  Yet, sometimes you have to do just that to find the freedom to return.  It's been two weeks of long hours and just one of short-tempered whining. 

Tonight, I'll ride my princess.  Tonight, I'll pet my puppies.  And, tonight, I'll have just one more cuppa joe...  Tomorrow, I'll look in my closet for that old balance beam...

ODE TO INSTANT GRATIFICATION - LUF ONLINE SCORING!

It is a quiet Sunday morning and church bells ring their melodious tunes... calling worshipers to come in and sit with God.  My hands are wrinkled and my dishes are clean.  The laundry is humming happily in the washer below.  I type... waiting for the Prelim scores to be posted while you wait in the start box ready to go!

I did not enter this weekend so I live vicariously through you.  And your barn friends are just as excited about your entry, your progress through the weekend and ultimately your success.  We build  your "story" based on what Evententries or Startbox Scoring reveals:

• Dressage 34.5 and in second place?  Great start, horse needed more jump in the canter and spooky but showed up and performed well.
• Stadium - double clear?  Just wait until today's Cross Country run... separates the pack... and of course, its your best phase.
• XC - today we wait... would there be time faults, clear runs, one or two difficult questions?  Let's hope for every horse and rider pair to "LEAVE TOGETHER AND COME HOME TOGETHER" (Eventing Rule #1)

Tell us!  Please tell us!

Today we dream and talk amongst ourselves...  Tomorrow, when you come to the barn, trust us...  We want to hear about it all!  You see Eventers and your Barn Peeps really do care on Monday.  Eventing Rule #4 only applies to work folk and family members....

Ride like you stole 'em!

HEY YOU! STAND UP AND BE COUNTED

Making it happen
Photo by Jeff Phaneuf

Mahatma Gandhi once said, "A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history."  And someone once described Eventers as a group of individuals who, despite all that can go wrong and all that seems insurmountable, come together for the love of a great (if not extreme) sport and GET IT DONE!

Remember those calls for help that came over the past several years, like the havoc and destruction of GMHA and Huntingdon after Hurricane Irene?  And who can forget how we all came together after the fire to help rebuild True Prospect Farm?  When there is a call to arms, Eventers rise up and take charge much like attacking a difficult cross country course...  "I see it, I know it needs to be conquered and I sit up and kick until I cross the finish line".

Folks...  UNH still need us even more now than ever before!  "But", you say,"I thought it was all ok now!  It is, isn't it?"  (And some of you might even be saying... "Huh?  What's up with UNH?  Didn't they have a Horse Trial a couple of weeks ago?")

Let me see if I can simplify a somewhat complicated situation...

• The Problem - NH State budget cuts reduced funding to the University by $48 million.  UNH developed a Campus Master Plan (CMP) which originally planned to lease out lands used by the Agriculture/Equine/Life Sciences programs for commercial development to bridge some of the shortfall.
• That means RETAIL stores - think Big Box Stores.
• The Outcry - Two public meetings were held.  Over 600 people attended and the support against this development was astounding.  As a result of this outcry, the Master Plan Steering Committee changed the language to "limit" potential development in these areas.
• "Limit" does not mean no commercial development
• More of the Problem - The public meetings were contentious and the Master Plan Steering Committee along with the Consultants were caught unprepared for such a reaction from the community.  Now, they meet quietly until the next public release.   There are Plans to move the Equine program in order to make way for commercial/business development eliminating the current facilities (parts of the XC course, stabling, paddocks, farm buildings, indoor and stadium jumping course). 

So, the Master Plan Steering Committee feel that by moving the facilities, all will be well and that we will be silent.  Where is an already cash-strapped university going to find the money to replace what is being "moved"?

Remember Over the Walls
Horse Trials?  Gone!

It's kind of like a shell game...  they are not canceling the plans for development they are just shuffling it around.  And, for how long will the shuffling last?  Will the Equine Program be able to survive if it continues to be squeezed slowly and consistently like an anaconda eating its prey?

Some of you are all fired up, right?  We're Eventers and we love a good challenge!  And maybe some of you are thinking...  "Well, it's kind of out of my hands and really,  I don't live in NH and haven't ever competed at UNH."  (I actually hope that's just my mom and not an Area 1 Eventer.)

Here is why its important to all of us... even those Eventers outside of New England. 

• Every time Commercial or Retail development occurs on green space we all lose.  Think of all the Commercial and Retail lots in your area that are still "For Lease", half empty or that have signs in the window "Store Closing".  Do we need more on our open lands?
• UNH is one of the first Land Grant Universities whose mission was to, among other things, teach Agriculture using the land granted to them.  If we continue to erode our Agriculture/Environmental Educational base, who will teach our future horsemen? 
• And is a Green/Sustainable future really possible if these colleges continue to be pathed over to make way for the Walmarts of the world?

Photo used with permission
www.flatlandfoto.com

If you love a good gallop, or a great XC run and if you want to continue to see Horse Trials throughout New England...  WE ALL NEED YOU NOW!

Take a few moments and email the following key individuals:

• UNH President, Mark Huddleston - Mark.Huddleston@UNH.edu
• UNH Board of Trustees Chair, Ed Dupont - EDupont@DupontGroup.com
• UNH Director of Advancement, Peter Weiler - Peter.Weiler@UNH.edu
• UNH Chairof the Steering Committee of the CMP, Paul Chamberlin - Paul.Chamberlin@unh.edu
• University Architect and Director of Campus Planning, Doug Bencks-Doug.Bencks@unh.edu

Express your concern over the proposed development and kindly demand:

1. that the Campus Master Plan be revisited and redirected
2. that they must discontinue the plans for any large scale retail development on UNH land,
3. that Agriculture, Dairy, Equine, Organics and Sustainability are very important and should be invested in rather than squeezed out.
4. that the President meet directly with the College of Life Sciences and Agriculture to hear their input

Change happens when we make it happen! Get emailing!

REPRINTED FROM USEA AREA 1'S NEWSLETTER - OPTIMUM MINUTES (http://www.area1usea.org/Resources/Newsletter/2012-may28.pdf)

BACK TO BEING GOOD

Mr Floppy

Could I really, truly, be a Player?  Maybe, just maybe, I stayed single all these years because I feared infidelity... a wandering eye or perhaps, a lustful heart.  You see, I just may be a cheater at heart!

I was cheating on Jonah very soon after Mr Floppy opened his eyes and removed his mouth from his mom's teat.  And, poor Sugar...  shhhh, I've been sneaking around and riding another...  They call her... The Pink Pony!

The Pink Pony
Used with permission
{shhh, she is for sale}

First it starts with a wandering eye...  "look at her move", "wow, she's cute", "you know, she would be perfect for me", "she is my kind of horse"...  and on and on.  Then your Dressage Trainer asks you if you want to ride her a bit while her owner is away... "while you're on vacation" (hmm a brief fling).

OMG, I luf her!  Her suspension and elasticity is intoxicating and her canter divine.  That pink body moves upward and through yours claiming ground without the pound.  Could there be more?   Speed flattens that lift ever so slightly and carries you forward floating over the deep green fields.

When those pink ears came forward, I prepared myself for the spook.  Nothing happened, the ears softened and we continued on.  Wait, no spook?  No scary things to be seen?  What about the tractor, the rocks, that one yellow blade of grass in all that green...  still no spook?  Preposterous!

This morning, I woke up and wondered, what if I don't like Sugar anymore?  What if the Pink Pony with her simple needs, dynamite gaits and easy demeanor is really what I prefer.  Sugar is not easy... but I've always found her delightful (not counting the warm-up ring, UNH, Ethel Walker or at lattice/white gates/green rolltop jumps).  What if the purpose of riding the Pink Pony was to help me understand what easy is?

Never fear!  If I could add this cutie to the Berlin Herd, it would be a done deal!  But, until the missing "Trust Fund" is located, Sugar is mine.  And, she makes me smile!

Sug making me smile
That's what makes
it worth it
Photo by
www.equineink.wordpress.com

Today was the last Hunt of the Spring Season.  I was tired from my "restful" vacation and feeling kind of dull.  As the fourth pair in First Flight, my head kept saying... maybe I'll pick and choose today...  I'm not really up to this... blah, blah blah!

The weather was perfect for a good run.  That one last thought of being tired hit me just one second before the cast...  When the hounds hit the elusive anise scent, thinking disappeared and Sugar and I became a team.  Her gallop powerfully skimmed the ground and for every jump, her ears came up, she surveyed the approach and jumped in stride.

Power, beauty, grace and speed...  She may not be easy but Sugar makes me feel like a rock star!  And that is ok!

NO HONEYBADGER, TRY A CHANDLER

Sug sees dead people

Yeah, it is officially the start of my long weekend and I have plans...  Oh yeah, I have plans!  There are things that need to be worked on, gardens to be reclaimed from several years of neglect, laundry to be washed, stuff to be thrown away, the last two foxhunts, a couple of jumping lessons and a clinic to audit for the Area 1 Newsletter.  And, of course let's not forget running out and about with Da Boys, keeping them well exercised and happy.  Ahhhhhhh...  Vacation!

So, a Friend posted a little note on my Facebook page that made me say....  hmmmmm!  Those wise words? 

"Please look up "vacation" in the dictionary!"  

Sometimes a girl needs to quiet the BA Honeybadger, give her Inner Cowgirl a romantic novel and channel a Chandler...  Mr Floppy to those that know him...

Contemplating World
Peace!

Nothing like a hound to help you find a true vacation energy...  Friendly, Funny and absolutely cuddly.  In a prior life, he was probably a surfer dude...  Plays hard, sees life as one big party and when the surf's up...  he's gone workin'...  Until then, he's chill...  and really values the benefits of a good nap.

Always at the ready!

Why not the Convict?  Isn't he so friendly and outgoing that he's often mistaken for a Walmart Greeter?

 Ahhh, Jonah...  he's always working - busy getting things for me to use, pulling logs out of the woods as proof of his self worth...  He moves with me as the doggy version of a workaholic.  Sometimes I want to reach out and say, "Hey buddy...  I'm good!  You go ahead and take a nap!  I'm ok!"

I luf me a Chandler Bing! Hey, wait just one darn minute!  I get it!  I so need to try a Chandler this long, long weekend!

May I learn that life is a party and maybe, just maybe, the world is telling me that "I'm good! You go ahead and take a nap!  I'm ok!

SHE'S ALL MINE... STILL

Used with permission
http://www.yokinaphotos.com/

Magic happens when you least expect it...  Oh there are those of us that set up our life like a bossy stage manager in a Broadway play when timing is important and deadlines loom.  But really, when you let go, the world just gets bigger and brighter.

Last weekend was one of those weekends where I just found myself in a pit of gooo...  muddy, sticky, black tar.  The farther I walked the deeper I sunk and the harder it was to get going.  Monday, I woke up tired and at a lost on where to go from here...  The path seemed to be overgrown and thorny... and, my wonder horse was no longer clean and white...

At the show, people accepted, and some even embraced, my decision not to continue after dressage.  Yet, that support did garner a few well thought out and constructive opinions... some stronger than others.  "You should sell her and get an easier horse!"  "Sug doesn't cut you a break.  Why do you keep her?"  "I know you won't sell her but I wish you would."  "Just because Eventing Trainer can get her around and make it look easy doesn't mean she's easy."

I needed to hear all of that (and some were coupled with nice compliments).  But, alas, Sugar is not for sale!  And, although I look longingly at other horses and sometimes wonder what it must be like to have an easy ride, I love her...  all the bits of her and even when she's slept in her own poop on the morning of a show.

The contemplative Convict

And yes, I am sure I can find an easier ride and well, she should've jumped that second to the last jump even if I was lying unconscious on her neck.  Remember Karen O' Connor's Rolex 2012 ride on Veronica?  That mare continued to perform the duties of her job even though her rider was scrambling to get back in the saddle.  Sug, you have a job and that's to get me home safely... ya hear?!

Magic is that moment when you are working on suppleness and lightness and in one moment it comes together.  The world gets quiet and there are just two bodies acting as one...  her ears are soft, listening and her body gives...  your hand and body carrying 1500 pounds of dancing horseflesh...  Sugar makes me feel like a rock star!

And then there is that magic of a trail ride at dawn... Sugar slightly dazed with the early morning wake up call.  Da Boys are going to join you and the Redheads for a jaunt around the farm.

It is almost impossible to describe the beauty and calm as our little group rode around the hay fields.  Turkeys gobbling, 4 young deer grazing in the lower fields...  Da Boys popping up in the deep grass like dolphins skimming the ocean surface faces white with pollen.

Mr Floppy

Our two mares began edgy and spooky and ended the ride strutting about like big time event horses...  Mr Floppy adopted the Lil Redheaded Mare and stayed tightly by their side.  The Convict, bless his heart cleared our path of anything chipmunk-like.  We were safe and protected... life can not get better than that!

So Sugar is all mine.  We are like an old married couple trying to figure it all out.  It will get better, all in good time!